AIBU to work full time with 3 children?

[Lucyggy]

Have NC for this as it could be outing.

I have 3 DC aged 6, 4 and 12 months.

I am currently working my notice in my part time job after having been offered a full-time (term time only) position. I returned to my current position after maternity leave with DC3 and realised it just wasn't working for me. An opportunity arose for a job with a higher salary and much better career prospects and generally a better job!

However, I'm having a wobble about working full time. I haven't worked full time since I had DC1 6 years ago. We have childcare all worked out and DH's job is flexible so he can do school runs etc. I just keep thinking about how I will miss out on time with the DC. Particularly DC3. It's term time only so I will have all the school holidays off which is great, but of course that means I'm restricted to taking leave then so wouldn't be able to go to school plays etc. I'm worried about getting stuff done in the house, organising the kids activities and clubs etc.

I think I'm just having a panic but just wondering how many of you work/worked full time with 3 DC and was it actually do-able? I don't want to give up the opportunity but am having serious second thoughts!

I worked full time with 2, probably would have done with 3. Organization is key, as well as having a dp willing to help.

Go for it! If it’s a good job
I have dc the same age and work p/t but not term time only. Would consider going to 4 days. But if I had school hols off def 5 would be fine.

If I did that the two school age kids could go to a sports holiday club for half days or something so I’d get time with the little one

I went back full time once dc3 was 12mths having been on 3 days since dc1 6 years before. I’m a teacher so term time only. It’s fine! I had a big wobble too but my job is so much better for it - previously j felt trapped being crap mum/crap teacher. Now just crap mum! And the holidays are great to offset that missed time too. If your work life is important to you - go for the full time. My third child has never know different and I now don’t mind those missed days I thought I would. I’d have spent half of them cleaning anyway or doing jobs etc then doing school run, so not much quality time either

I'm working full time with 3 (older than yours but not entirely independent) children. And a husband who is pretty incapacitated due to treatment for a brain tumour. It's not always pretty, the house is a state but we're managing, mainly.

Three children come with costs, it’s a fact of life.

Children need to see a work ethic being modelled, a relationship where both partners share all the load and career aspirations. It will stand them in good stead for the future.

I started my own business in a high pressure industry working FT (and the rest!) with a 6mo and went on to have another. Now 6 and 3. Husband works away sun pm to fri afternoon and no help from grandparents. I now have after school nanny 3 days a week which is amazing (also means kids not waiting til 6pm to be collected every night). I can also work flexibly and from home when I need as I'm my own boss. Works for me but is VERY busy lifestyle. I mean VERY!

OP is possible to it.

I had 2 but was a single parent and managed it. So its possible. Especially since your dh has flexibility.

Whether ir works for you, is someting wont know until you do it

We have 3 and both work full time and always have.
The children are now 3,5 and 7, each started nursery at 12 months
Yes there is a lot of tuning to and from my car to get to work but it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

I work ft with 3 kids (2 primary 1 high school) and a fiancé who stays at work sometimes for 3 days. It’s hard but I actually enjoy it!
Oh is good on his days off though... most of the time

Thanks guys.

DH is great and does do his fair share around the house and with the DC. I just get a lot done at the moment while I'm off work (and DC3 is asleep, get nothing done while he is awake ). But I know DH will pick up some of the things that need doing, and will just have to manage my time differently.

The financial benefit is a very good one and we can probably afford to move to a bigger house which would be ideal.

I just don't know if it's too soon and whether I should wait until DC3 goes to school. That's my main concern. He will be fine I know, it's me I'm worried about

I work full time with three, aged 13, 10 and 6. If you'd asked me last week I'd say it was overwhelming. This week I'm on a more even keel and it's fine! What helps:

DH job is more flexible than mine so he does 2 drop offs and 1 pickup a week. He also does his fair share of work around the house.
I took 2 weeks parental leave and 1 week annual leave in the summer holidays. Wouldn't hesitate to do this again, and it leaves plenty of annual leave for the rest of the year.
Kids are at private school so can stay 745am to 530pm and are fed, busy and happy
Oldest is in secondary and makes his own way there and back
Youngest goes to bed at 8pm, bigger ones 9.30pm, so we have plenty of time at home to relax and chat, supervise reading, homework, music
V short commute
DH can work from home at times, esp if one child is unwell

What doesn't work
My job can be highly stressful
I rarely have any time alone or time to myself
I don't have school hols off so either DH and I tag team or the kids go to holiday clubs for a bit, which they don't love tbh

I am hoping to go down to 4 days in my current role and one day flexible freelance stuff. I am knackered. In balance though, I do enjoy my work and we need the money so I think it's mostly OK for us as a family. Only you can judge your personal balance and priorities.

Sounds fine. Your DH can do school tuns. You’ll have at least a week off every 6 or so weeks. You’ll have a lovely long summer with DC.

I’d use some of the extra pay for a cleaner and organise online food deliveries, so that you and DH are not spending weekends cleaning and shopping.

YANBU! If it's good for you then it's good for your kids. I'm a SAHM at the moment and I can't wait to go back to work. Your kids will not suffer, you will make it work and you don't have to miss out on school plays etc. Surely you could always take annual leave when you need to? It's easy to feel a wobble over big changes like this but all the other full time mum's out there make it work and still do an amazing job as a mum too. Good Luck OP, it sounds like you have a brilliant opportunity ahead of you.

Ooooh VeThings yes! A cleaner I didn't think of that. Great suggestion!

I'm a single mum of 3 working full time. I have amazing childcare where my kids arerelaxed and happy, which really helps.

Stuff gets done. I'm toying with going down to 4 days a week but as yet I'm undecided.

I work part time with 3dcs and basically have to do a full time work load in 3 1/2 days plus not be too knackered to do quality time on my day off, it's a bit shit TBH. The new role sounds great, if it feels right then take it.

Yes, definitely a cleaner. Ours folds laundry and does one school pick up a week as well. She is amazing.

Hello OP. I have 3. I work full time and my husband works abroad most of the time. It's doable but hard. I like having some independence. In this day and age who knows who you can rely upon.

Surely you could always take annual leave when you need to?

Sadly not. With term time only contract, your annual leave entitlement is added to your annual salary as you are expected to take that leave entitlement during the school holiday period. I think there are overtime opportunities though which can be paid as overtime or used as time off in lieu so I should be able to get the odd day off.

Term time makes it a good option I think. If it was purely full time I think there would be more arguments for leaving it.

I worked full time (US, so 40 hours a week) with 3 from when the youngest was 2. DH was away a lot of the time, so I did most of the practical day to day stuff on my own.

I didn't work term time only but I did get 23-28 days a year leave. The summer holidays were the hardest bit by far.

It paid off in that now, 12 years later, I'm well paid, highly skilled, self-employed and able to pick and choose what jobs I take. I'm actually going back to the company I worked for 12 years ago as a contractor working part-time on my own terms.

I definitely wouldn’t but I’m in a minority on here in that way. But my set up will be completely different to yours and if you think you can make it work then go for it.

Is it term time only and working hours only? In which case I would give it serious consideration, my only sticking point would be the 12 month old. But that’s personal choice (if you have the luxury of choice)

@Smellbellina Yes, term time working hours only. It's not teaching so no marking or lessons plans to do outside of work. The 12 month old is the main reason I'm having the wobble. He will be in nursery 2 days a week and the other 3 at home with my mum.

@themutts I’m about to be in same situation- do you have help e.g. nanny?