AIBU to work full time with 3 children?

[Lucyggy]

Have NC for this as it could be outing.

I have 3 DC aged 6, 4 and 12 months.

I am currently working my notice in my part time job after having been offered a full-time (term time only) position. I returned to my current position after maternity leave with DC3 and realised it just wasn't working for me. An opportunity arose for a job with a higher salary and much better career prospects and generally a better job!

However, I'm having a wobble about working full time. I haven't worked full time since I had DC1 6 years ago. We have childcare all worked out and DH's job is flexible so he can do school runs etc. I just keep thinking about how I will miss out on time with the DC. Particularly DC3. It's term time only so I will have all the school holidays off which is great, but of course that means I'm restricted to taking leave then so wouldn't be able to go to school plays etc. I'm worried about getting stuff done in the house, organising the kids activities and clubs etc.

I think I'm just having a panic but just wondering how many of you work/worked full time with 3 DC and was it actually do-able? I don't want to give up the opportunity but am having serious second thoughts!

I was going to say OP, my priority would be ask for recommendations on a local cleaner ASAP. 3-4 hours a week makes a massive difference. Outsource anything else where necessary and just cut out some things like ironing, gardening, etc... it will help. Also, the only bit you’re really missing is the after school but which is hectic and spent half answering them while you clean, cook dinner and keep one eye on the small one and you’ll have the holidays - a brilliant bonus. The stress of not having a decent wage versus the stress of anything else does it for me. Make the payrise count and think of how you would look back at 65 on what you spent it on and whether you’d be happy with that, thats what I do. Make sure your pension is healthy and YOURS too. When they’re 25 and off around the world you’ll be thankful!!

Oh and I do have a choice yes. We can afford for me to continue working part-time (and my current job will happily accept if I rescind my notice), but there will be considerable financial benefits to working FT, plus I'm pretty bored in my current job and desperately need a new challenge

Also.., meant to say start ‘auditioning’ some local babysitters if you need them and don’t waste your weekends catching up. You’ll burn out xx

Also, the only bit you’re really missing is the after school

Even then I'd be home by 4.30

I think it's a very personal thing. Personally I'd hate it. I left work to stay at home with mine and yes it was a huge financial loss for the family but I'm very aware that I'll never get this time with them again and once they start school full time you are so limited to what you can do and when. I'm aware that I'm very lucky that we can make it work without me working however I wouldn't be willing to work full time just to get a bigger house I'd rather wait a couple of years for the bigger house.

It sounds ideal. Your husband is flexible, your mum is doing 3 out of five days, you have school holidays, you are back by 4.30! What's not to like.

i personally wouldn't go full time, sounds like too much work and a recipe for exhaustion, even though you have a supportive partner...

@HiJenny35 it's not just 'for a bigger house'. That's one of the benefits.

The main reason is because it is a big step in my career. I already work part time so already dedicate time to a job that I am getting nothing out of.

surely a 6 year old and a four year old don't do that many after school clubs or activities? Why not just wait till they are a bit older before rushing into lots of commitments on that score. (all these hobbies and clubs are overrated, you can do a lot at home, and have people over after school - or just stick to Saturday clubs - mine did very little in the week and I was a SAHM!! it was just all too exhausting with three to keep taking them out in the evening after school and picking up and dropping off and staggered mealtimes etc - it can be a really competitive thing enrolling your child in lots of extra curricular but it isn't the be all and end all of existence)

Full time, term time only hours?!? Grab it with both hands. The logistics are solveable and you can outsource a lot of cleaning, shopping stuff with the higher salary. The trade off of a few years of full time for part of the year now versus every summer holiday and Easter and Christmas with your kids is worth the short term bit. No longer having to plan the admin of childcare coverage for holidays would swing it for me.

I'm pretty bored in my current job and desperately need a new challenge It's important for you to be happy - if you're happy in your life you will have more energy to give to your children.

I worked full time with two children, including 3 hrs commuting each day. They're now in their 30s; I don't think our relationship has suffered, and they are kind and decent adults. You'll see more of yours than I saw of mine! And I find memories of what they were like when small, though nice, are not as important as the continuing relationship with the people they have become.

I work full time with 3 (7,5 and 2). It's hard work but I love my busy life. I like my job and appreciate the challenges that I could only take on with a full time role, so it works for me.

For the reasons you've outlined, my advice would be to go for it OP.

@Nettleskeins thanks for your input but that wasn't really what I was asking about.

I have three, similar ages to yours as well. I think term time only sounds amazing. Not unreasonable at all to work full time, especially as you'll have all those holiday off. I say go for it and see how things go for a year.

We have four, and have both always worked full time, including months overseas. We think it is good for the children to see that it is OK for both parents to work, and also that either parent is capable of parenting them.

DH is working flexibly allowing for school runs and your DM is on board for the little one. For us, me working FT would mean a shed load of childcare. In your situation, it sounds workable, definitely.

I’ve got 3 (15, 7 and 4) and have worked full time since the eldest was born, minus 5 mths mat leave with each. Through necessity, not necessarily choice.

It’s doable, and hard. I feel I’ve clung onto my sanity the last 18mths; now the youngest is at school I have finally got some breathing space (shift work).

I guess it helps I’m not super tidy or frustrated by mess- neither am I super organised. BUT there are ways of making things easier so I grasp them desperately. I think it’s doable if you’re forcibly relaxed about tidiness/home cooked meals/accepting things won’t be perfect. Within reason of course.

I suppose a bit might depend on what your 12 month old is like. If s/he is shy and clingy it will be harder than if they are outgoing and make relationships easily. But yours sounds like the perfect solution because
It interests you
You are back by 430. I start and finish early 2 days and this is perfect
It sounds as if the hours are what they are and there isn't an expectation of a lot on top
Your DH does his share. Mine have all absolutely benefited from having a dad that mucks in with the day to day.
You can outsource nearly everything else!

Even then I'd be home by 4.30

Oh OP this is an utter dream for you!

You get good chunks of time with your kids during

I do think those who say ‘go back to work after they start school’ have it totally the wrong way round. My experience - and I know a number who agree - is that your kids need you more - their parent, not another caregiver no matter how good - more when they are at school than in the nursery years. The need is more emotional.

I’m so glad that my husband and I did the career investment when DS1 was small (both stayed full time but compressed hours) because now we have enough seniority to be more flexible and to basically command our own working hours in current or new jobs.

So if you’re home not long after school gets out and have the whole holidays with them, and it’s financially better for you I’d grab it with both hands. Your youngest will have a ball and your elder two will love those long relaxed holidays where you can truly choose if they want to go to an activity camp, rather than trying to cobble together childcare.

Also, I don't batch cook as we don't like that type of meal, but you could if you do, to make life easy in the week. I do quick meals in the pan eg pork chops or salmon or oven eg rack of lamb, plus veg and microwave rice or pasta etc

Each child has a week's worth of school uniform and games kit, washed, folded and in drawers ready to go on Monday.

There are plenty of hacks that will let you maximize the time with the children. The thing that goes is time to yourself ime

Yes
caregiver no matter how good - more when they are at school than in the nursery years. The need is more emotional.

Go for it.
Get cleaner
Shop online
You home 4 30
It s fine

My mum worked full time when she was raising us (and there were many more than 3 of us).

My sisters all work full time and they are mothers; my siblings and I have always had a very close relationship with our mum and my sister's are close with their kids. It is very possible to be a full time worker and a hands on parent.

Ive finished a set contract working ft but across 2 pt jobs - having 2 jobs didnt help but the stress nearly pushed me to the brink.

However your circumstances are different to mine - i found holidays difficult to cover, dh has little flexibility with early starts and late finshes, and i have a considerable commute plus work to do in evenings. Everything household got left to weekends and consequently I felt like i was never on top of anything but also that I was never around much either. Trying to juggle leave across 2 jobs and school holidays is also tricky and consequently ive only had 1 complete week off this year.

Ive just dropped a day and that has just given me the breathing space to feel more in control. In your circumstances i think i would feel differently though. Until you live it you probably wont know!

I have 3 DC (15, 13, 11) and worked full-time since the youngest was 6 months. I really enjoy work and wouldn’t have it any other way. A term time full time job sounds absolutely ideal!

Agree with lots of the advice here eg lower your standards at home (eg we never iron anything here - just fold it out of the drier), have a cleaner. Would recommend the food box services where the recipes are cook by numbers to save having to think about what to have for dinner every night. Best advice is make sure you have a back up plan. I found it all went ok until something unexpected eg 2 sick DC who couldn’t go to nursery/school. I didn’t have family close so had to engineer flexibility at work and a network of friends to help.

Do what everyone else does - let things slip until the holidays and have a clean up/clear out.

As long as you organize the clothes and food kids and men are verbally happy!