To not want to be banished upstairs?

[mahoganies]

My boyfriend and I live together. He hasn't seen his friends (or me) in two weeks as he's been away, he got back on Thursday. On Friday he had his best friend over because he needed "one on one" time with him and "lad" time. He'd promised we'd have a night in together, but his friend arrived at 3pm and didn't leave until almost 1am. He said that he's make it up to me by having a night in the next night, which we did. He initially asked me and my son to go out whilst he was over, but I refused, so I had to stay upstairs instead. My mum has my son that night so it was just me upstairs. Then on Sunday, he had the same friend round again and another friend because he needed that time with them for the sake of his mental health, I again, had to stay downstairs whilst they were here for hours. He then informed me around an hour or so ago that his friend would be coming over tonight (the friend that came on Sunday, not his best friend) because he needs one on one time with him, meaning again I'll have to stay upstairs in the bedroom. His best friend is now currently over, he's apparently only popped over for a cigarette. I'm upstairs now again, because they are having time downstairs.

I've been a bit put out by this but he thinks I'm being unreasonable and that he would do the same if I wanted friends over. AIBU for being annoyed by this? I'm upstairs now pretty pissed off as I have to be upstairs now, then I can go back down, then I'll have to be back up when his other friend is here later.

I don't know what to say to him, or even how to bring it up? I feel like it's pointless. He upset me this morning too so I've really bad enough of him today.

There is so much about this, that is odd.

As a 'one off', I wouldn't have an issue with doing something in another room if dh were meeting someone or having a friend round in the living room (and he the same for me), but the whole situation of having been away from you for two weeks, then you having to 'give him space' whilst he works his way through all his friends. What's that all about ??

It really doesn’t sound like he’s that into you. Honestly, I’d look into finding somewhere else to live.

I’ve rarely been “banished” from the lounge in the 16 years I’ve lived with my husband. Only once because he had a bunch of girls over from college to study: I took myself upstairs out the road

OP are you the poster who's planning to study midwifery soon? Or is it just a coincidence that you have a 1 year old child and you're living with your boyfriend's parents? I really hope you're a different OP because it you're not, being banished upstairs is the least of your problems.

You’ve been together a while, have been living together at his parents for 2 months and you have a 1 year old son?

You aren’t the poster whose boyfriend was watching telly loudly whilst you were trying to get to sleep the other night, were you?

You are working on the way you speak to him when you are unhappy about an issue...like being banished upstairs? Maybe he should work on banishing you upstairs less.

I'm sorry though op ...if this is his parent's home it isn't as much your place as his no matter how much you contribute. If someone has to move out I can't see it being him. I would be thinking through my options and how much I want this relationship to continue. Could you stay at your mother's while you sort things if it becomes necessary?

From the way you are phrasing things, it doesn’t sound like he is your son’s father. I’d get out of the relationship now before your son becomes attached and settled there.

Having his friends round for the sake of his ‘mental health’ is an excuse. Mental health issues are being bandied about too much as an excuse for stupid behaviour which your boyfriend is clearly displaying.
He’s keeping you on the back burner while he carries on with his ‘lad’s life’ and and irresponsible behaviour.
He is not respecting you or your son at all.
What do his parents think of his behaviour? Are they condoning his behaviour to you?
You really need to leave with your child. This is a very unhealthy relationship whereby he dominates you and treats you like an irritation to his life.

Don't talk it over, move out.

Gosh he sounds as though he is about 14 and that teenage expectation that the world will revolve around his wants.

He is not treating you as an equal partner but is treating you like the maid - banished to the servants' quarters when the "master" is entertaining his special friends.

Why not go to your parents' house and have a good think about whether you want to be in a relationship where you are treated like this,

Every discussion becomes about his feelings because those are the only feelings he cares about. Not because of the way you broach things. That's an excuse, a distraction tactic.

Leaving him and his friends alone once would seem ok. Night after night is a pretty clear message. He doesn't want to spend time with you, or include you in his social life. Banishing you is shit. Going out with his mates, without you, night after night, would be quite a snub too.

Get rid.

Why not let him go the whole hog and get a box to be put in when convenient for him, and get yourself an off switch too? Seriously you need to leave him, he can't treat you like a toy to be played with and out away when it suits him! And playing the MH card is rubbish, it doesn't allow him to be a git!

Update: his friend has now left (after 45 minutes when he was only meant to be popping round for a cigarette). My boyfriend came up to me after he left and asked why I didn't come upstairs and I said because I'm not allowed, he says I was welcome and that he was expecting me to sit with them. I said that I don't want to spend any more time with him this evening, he asked why, and I said because I'm not being picked up and dropped. He groaned, shook and said "I'm not doing this" and left the room.

Was the cigarette a tobacco one?

Yes, tobacco. From a packet of cigarettes.

How long have you been together? Surely not long if you have a 1 year old with someone else??

If you've not been with him that long, then you should still be in the loved up, honeymoon phase and you sound unhappy. Things are likely to get harder with an older child and a BF who needs time on his own with his friends.

Dress up. Go out. Have fun.

Funny relationship. I’ll bet there’s a better one out there for you.

I have never heard of someone popping round for a cigarette. Sounds very strange. Just leave him, you and your son deserve better.

When DW friends come round I will say hello but then take myself off to another room wouldn't sit with them.
From what you say there another sitting room you could of used.

I stuffed my DP upstairs when my friends visit for turkey curry night, but that’s once a year and it’s basically us dancing to Madonna and drinking too much Prosecco. He finds it funny, but he wouldn’t find it funny if I was doing it nearly every night. Do you think he wants out of the relationship but hasn’t the guts to tell you?

Very odd behaviour

How long have you been with him?

I'd tell him to fuck right off. This is your home. YOu live there. You will be downstairs if you want to be downstairs. He can go out if he needs time with his friends.

He sounds like a selfish wanker, tbh. What on earth do you see in him?

Your BF is a dick.. I wouldn't be living with anyone that SENT me upstairs because his buddies (oh cringe) were coming round.. This guy has no respect for you, but you have no respect for yourself allowing yourself to be treated like this.... You and your Son deserve better lady.... Fuck Off would be my last exchange, whilst packing.