To have a contract to ensure DP pays me back?

[Mangobluesky]

Without going into details I’m in a position where I am essentially going to pay a large sum of money, of which DP owes half (so we should be splitting it 50/50 but he doesn’t currently have the funds). Less than £10k but more than £1k so I would really like to ensure I get the bit I am owed back.

I trust DP and and we have been together a few years but I always see people on here particularly saying how when you’re not married you need to protect yourself etc.

We’ve already agreed he’ll set up a regular standing order and should be able to pay it off over several months/a year but there’s a worry in the back of my mind that If we suddenly broke up for whatever reason he could just walk away and deny he ever owed it.

I do NOT think he is the type to do this and he is incredibly honest, I am just naturally very anxious about things.

However, would it be bizarre to draw up a contract/IOU so we have something in writing in case the worst happens? I’ve seen documents online that you can alter yourself, just sort of saying ‘so and so owes x, commits to pay back in instalments, dated and signed’

Has anyone ever done this? Feel free to tell me IABU and ridiculous but we aren’t married (plan to be in the future) so finances aren’t shared currently.

Honestly, if you're this worried - and to be honest, I'd feel unsure and anxious in this position myself! - then just don't pay it. Wait for him to save up his half.

It sounds like you've got different skills in your finances if you have savings and he doesn't. (Unless he's a student, or something.) So you're going to find the repayment period stressful, while he might be far too relaxed about it...

Just tell him that you've realised that lending him a few thousand is actually massively stressing you out and you'd rather not. But you'll be happy to go halves with him when he actually has his half.

I think it's sensible and doesn't need to be a huge deal. My partner and I do this all the time, because we both agree that it's best to put mechanisms for conflict resolution in place while you're not actually in conflict. So we'll agree on something, write it down, some stuff (property) more formally than other stuff (e-mail for small amounts of money lent either direction, as an example). It'll just state our intention, and how it is to be paid back etc. That way, there's clarity. And we've found that sometimes, even when the terms seem clear to one party, it was worth the effort of writing it down and discussing because it's easy to misunderstand. But I guess we're not overly romantic in the sense that neither of us feels that this is meant to doubt our feeling for each other, we just doubt our own ability to be fully rational at all times.

If it's for a bathroom. Why not just wait until you both can afford it? My partner paid for the kitchen and I paid for our daughters nursery when I became pregnant weve never had a problem with it all or got to the point of money owed for house improvements. Its either I'm thinking of doing the kitchen. Ok and he does it and I may help with items. Or I say il get the nursery done. If you've lived together a while and you've paid him back for things then maybe it's worth discussing it and saying i may just do a written agreement due to the amount of money. He may find it a bit offensive. I'd be tempted to just wait or just do the bathroom myself save all the drama about money and who owes who. Good luck with what you decide

Please see this @Mangobluesky

Family and social arrangements
When the agreement is between friends or family members, the situation is different. The presumption is that the parties did not intend to create legal relations.

There are several examples of where the courts might come to this conclusion.

Informal lending agreements between husband and wife, or parent and child are presumed to be non-binding. If a wife lends money to her husband, or if a father lends money to his daughter without acting expressly in some way to create legal relations (such as using a loan agreement to formalise the arrangement) then there is no contract that binds the borrower to repay.

The law recognises that these situations are analogous with gifts: the transactions are made for personal reasons and not with a view to commercial gain. Most people would consider it highly unusual if their family agreements were given legal effect.
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It is not impossible to do what you plan - and indeed very prudent - but you will need legal advice

We had a similar situation for damp work done to the house - I wouldn't have dreamed of asking for a contract and I'd be quite insulted if he'd have done it to me.

He's paid me back in full.

DH loaned me a large amount of money to start up my business before we were married. He has legal experience (although not a solicitor) and drew up contracts/loan agreements for me to sign. I was happy to sign, although perhaps I felt more comfortable doing so because it was for a business rather than something personal. In my case, I know that DH is very much a "belt and braces" sort of person and it was nothing to do with trust or lack thereof.

It so stupid to be offended or insulted to be asked to draw up legal protection. You should be thinking about protecting the other person if you care about them and that works both ways.

If they drop dead then you need to be able to recover it from their assets and they and you should both want this protection at the very least.

If someone got upset or offended, then I would not borrow from them or lend them any money. This just shows that the way they think about money is financially immature and/or that they do not look at the big picture and lead with their emotions only.

My parents lent us money to put in our savings account linked to our offset account so we would benefit from the offsetting. It was a substantial amount and my father wrote a simple document stating the value and date and when it was returned.

Hi OP,

I have done exactly this with my partner, except he lent me the money. I was not at all offended when he asked if he could put something in place to protect himself should we split. We discussed it and we both know the chances of us ever having to use this are slim as our relationship is strong. However, as an adult I can understand him wanting to protect HIS money. I was equally very grateful for him choosing to lend me the money (his suggestion).

There are lots of contract templates online for this and lots of advice about it. We made sure the contract was very detailed (exact amount owed, payment schedule, amount being repaid each month, terms in the situation that we do split up). You can also ask a solicitor to witness it if you feel you'd like that reassurance and it is not expensive at all.

Hope this helps and all the best!

I wouldn't blink about signing something if my Partner, closest friends or family asked me upon lending me money.

I believe you should also have this in contract form. PP are correct it shows intention of a contract and that this was a loan. It would help a case in small claims.

I just hope you also have something in place for the house.

@Mangobluesky

Are you sure you want to be with this guy?

Serious question.

I knew of a couple who had done this then split up the lady said she couldn’t (wouldn’t) pay him back, he took her to small claims and won she then declared bankruptcy and he had to go down as a creditor got £10 a month off her she owed him £7k!!!

@AndWhat

People will say ‘oh but our relationship is not like that, I can trust him/her’, but you just never know and it’s always best to protect yourself.

If someone is so thin skinned and easily offended by being asked that a substantial loan be put on a formal footing, I would suggest that they really shouldn't be borrowing money from anyone🤔