To have a contract to ensure DP pays me back?

[Mangobluesky]

Without going into details I’m in a position where I am essentially going to pay a large sum of money, of which DP owes half (so we should be splitting it 50/50 but he doesn’t currently have the funds). Less than £10k but more than £1k so I would really like to ensure I get the bit I am owed back.

I trust DP and and we have been together a few years but I always see people on here particularly saying how when you’re not married you need to protect yourself etc.

We’ve already agreed he’ll set up a regular standing order and should be able to pay it off over several months/a year but there’s a worry in the back of my mind that If we suddenly broke up for whatever reason he could just walk away and deny he ever owed it.

I do NOT think he is the type to do this and he is incredibly honest, I am just naturally very anxious about things.

However, would it be bizarre to draw up a contract/IOU so we have something in writing in case the worst happens? I’ve seen documents online that you can alter yourself, just sort of saying ‘so and so owes x, commits to pay back in instalments, dated and signed’

Has anyone ever done this? Feel free to tell me IABU and ridiculous but we aren’t married (plan to be in the future) so finances aren’t shared currently.

It would really upset me if my DP asked me to sign something like this- it would probably be a deal breaker actually. If there's any question at all that he's the kind of person that wouldn't honour his word, why on earth are you with him?
I do wonder if there are subconscious alarm bells ringing in your head that are making you do this.

Judge Rinder ... just watch a few of those.

You need to show intention to create legal relations apparently. What he owes, how much is being paid back at each agreed interval, what the repayment period is. Have that in writing that the Jufge will give you the money if DP defaults. Without that JR would say you are stuffed.

Noooo.....you aren't married. Nothing you could draft would be easily enforceable and would you want to be chasing him after a nasty break up? Get him to get a loan or put his half on a credit card. If he can't secure other funding he's not a good credit risk for you either! Blinders off!

To those saying can’t he get a loan, not in these circumstances no as it’s quite urgent and to be honest I would not want him to get into some interest heavy loan agreement when we could sort it out between ourselves.

We own a house together so we are already financially committed but we tend to do everything 50/50 hence why this situation is making me uncomfortable.

We own a house together so we are already financially committed but we tend to do everything 50/50 hence why this situation is making me uncomfortable.

if its your own home then I think its even more baffling you would get him to sign a contract.

This doesn't sound like some random boyfriend. You've been together for years, he's paid for items and not expected a contract in return as he trusted you to pay him back and you have a house together.

I think he would be justifiably upset to find you were concerned that he would up and leave without paying you back.

I always draw up contracts for everything - I love a contract! I look online at what needs to be in there and get unrelated friends to witness them. My friends and family think I'm a bit mad but one of my friends is a solicitor (she could do it but I don't want to be badgering her to do unpaid work) and thinks I'm actually pretty sensible.

When I first started giving an allowance to my DDs at 11, they signed a contract as did her dad and I. The contract stated the circumstances in which the allowance could be stopped (using it to buy drugs etc) and stated what we would still buy them and what they needed to buy from it.

A couple of year's back DD needed 6 months rent payment upfront as we weren't in a position to guarantor. We had the money but I couldn't risk losing it forever as lending it wiped us clean out of all savings and we aren't high earners. Therefore I drew up a contract and DD, her Dad and I signed it, witnessed. It worked perfectly and every payment came back to me exactly on schedule.

I find the benefit of a contract is that it sets out exactly how much will come back to you, and when. The borrower knows you have recourse to further action if they don't, and i find this makes them take repayments seriously. You're then much more likely to get it back and much less likely to end up with bad feeling between you and the person. In my early married years my mum always drew up a little payment book and schedule for the money she invariably had to lend us. I never resented this. I always paid her back and we are still super close to this day.

I'd do it.

My partner and I always agree these things by email, not so much because of a fear of splitting up but so if one of us dies there’s a paper trail showing who owes what.

Only for large sums though, not the odd tenner!

@SmileCheese fair point but MN is full of people being terrified of being left in the lurch if they’re not married, home owners or not! It just makes me paranoid seeing those threads!

I've never done a contract with DH by the way, but that's because we've been married close on 30 years and have completely joint finances. If we were unmarried and shared costs 50/50, I absolutely would.

When my now DH moved in before we were married, he signed an agreement that he would have not claim on my house should we spilt. The agreement became void when we married. It also gave him a minimum notice period so I couldn't just change the locks if we fell out.

I thought that was fair.

I'd get it in writing. Signed and properly witnessed doesn't need to cost you anything. He doesn't pay you take him to the small claims court. You don't need a lawyer they see people in represented all the time. Just get it in writing. If that feels ott at least get the agreement in an email or text. You're lending him x amount, he's paying you back x per month for example. Have definite repayment terms in the agreement. You could probably still take that to the small claims.

If you have even the smallest doubt then you shouldn't be doing this.

but MN is full of people being terrified of being left in the lurch if they’re not married, home owners or not! It just makes me paranoid seeing those threads!

Yes but think rationally no one makes a thread when they lend their partner money and they pay it back, only when things go wrong. You have no reason to suspect he wont pay it back and you know from previous experience he has done the same for you and not expected written proof of your honesty. Would you have felt happy signing such a contract or would it have made you feel untrusted?

Like I said previously a small note with each payment would be sufficient and a lot less confrontational than having him sign or acknowledge a repayment plan.

Yes I think you should do this, I don’t understand it when people say they would be offended being asked to sign that you will pay someone back. If you’re intending on paying it back then what does it matter? My Dad loaned me some money so I could buy my first property, I have a great relationship with him and was happy to sign it. It stated the sum and the conditions under which it would be repaid (i.e when the property was sold or it was paid off) and what the return would be. Got my Mother to witness it and it was done. All repaid now and still got a great relationship with him.

Good luck. If I’ve learnt anything in life, it’s that even the nicest most decent people turn “weird" around money loaned by a friend. I don't know what the psychology is but even if it's all arranged properly people seem to build up a resentment over paying money to someone and forget about the originally loaned amount! I would not do this at all unless you are prepared for it to strain the relationship.

I think from reading replies here a contract might be OTT but definitely will make it clear what is owed etc via email/text and also good idea to add a reference to each payment e.g bathroom 1/12 so a record is kept. To be fair he will probably want a clear record himself anyway of what he has paid and hasn’t paid so I expect he’ll be fine with that.

Slightly side point but I've borrowed large sums of money three times from family (£40k) and when we bought a flat together DP put in £25K and I put in only a few hundred.

Each time I volunteered and insisted on a written agreement, signed by me and emailed over so we both had copies.

I'm the past when I've borrowed smaller amounts of money off my dad, eg £1k to pay off a credit card which got out of control I would email over a payment schedule and confirm when the last payment was to be, then email again once I'd fully paid it off to make clear my obligation was over.

I offered all this to show that I was trustworthy and because I didn't want anyone worrying that I wouldn't pay etc. It also made it all very clear for tax purposes which was helpful.

Tbh in an ideal world your DP would have thought of this and offered.

If he fell under a bus tomorrow you wouldn't get paid back unless his next of kin decided to pay you, so you could use that as a hook if you're nervous about raising the topic?

It's not that you don't trust him, it's that you should be covered in any eventuality because it's a lot of money to lose

Good luck sorting it

It will be legally enforceable if written properly, the amount, consideration for his financial situation I.e. not making the monthly or weekly repayment too high or unaffordable for his circumstances and a clear date as to when it should be paid off by. If you want to do this then ensure you have a proper contract. Personally my rule is never lend more than you can afford to lose with family and friends. That way it they pay you back it's a welcome surprise as you have already written off the debt.

Do protect yourself.

I’d do it OP. I’ve been burnt too many times and there’s no way I’d lend money now without an agreement in place. If he’s offended, he can go borrow it from someone else, but you having a little security in this situation is important.

@toomuchfaster

have been in a similar situation, but for us it was a house deposit. I put up all the money and wanted something in writing that I would get it back in the event of a split. Then-DP's compromise was to get engaged! We're now married so it's all in the past but he pointed out that trust needs to be both ways, hence giving me a ring to provide it from his end.

So you put up all the money in exchange for an engagement ring?

That is so naïve. An engagement ring means nothing in a court of law.

When my sister lent me a substantial sum, I sent her an email with the details of the money I had borrowed and repayment. She was a bit taken aback, but in the event that I had died she needed some sort of proof that she had loaned the money to me.
I did that on advice from a solicitor friend.

@Antigon that is a word that has been used to describe me before. But I chose to believe him.

The issue with this situation is that you're talking about relatively small amounts in the grand scheme of things. A four figure sum. Which means that however you attempt to protect it, if you're ever in a position where you have to try and enforce it and he decides to be a twat, there's a realistic chance of it being more trouble to you than it's worth. If you get a small claims judgment against someone that they refuse to pay, you get into applying for more warrants or orders which come with fees, require effort, and there are no guarantees

I'm not saying don't make any attempt to protect it, but just be aware of that. It's kind of an innate risk of the situation you're getting into.

Personally I would be offended if someone I knew well enough to borrow a substantial amount of money from, didn't trust me enough to pay it back.
Having said that I would only lend money if I could afford to lose it in the event that for some reason it wasn't paid back.

@Mangobluesky no but it came up on Judge Rinder and he said it does not matter if it is family, friend or foe ALWAYS sign a contract so you have a legal leg to stand on ..

Life happens so better to be safe than sorry