To have a contract to ensure DP pays me back?

[Mangobluesky]

Without going into details I’m in a position where I am essentially going to pay a large sum of money, of which DP owes half (so we should be splitting it 50/50 but he doesn’t currently have the funds). Less than £10k but more than £1k so I would really like to ensure I get the bit I am owed back.

I trust DP and and we have been together a few years but I always see people on here particularly saying how when you’re not married you need to protect yourself etc.

We’ve already agreed he’ll set up a regular standing order and should be able to pay it off over several months/a year but there’s a worry in the back of my mind that If we suddenly broke up for whatever reason he could just walk away and deny he ever owed it.

I do NOT think he is the type to do this and he is incredibly honest, I am just naturally very anxious about things.

However, would it be bizarre to draw up a contract/IOU so we have something in writing in case the worst happens? I’ve seen documents online that you can alter yourself, just sort of saying ‘so and so owes x, commits to pay back in instalments, dated and signed’

Has anyone ever done this? Feel free to tell me IABU and ridiculous but we aren’t married (plan to be in the future) so finances aren’t shared currently.

Have a look on Money Saving Expert it is filled with posts from people who have lent friends and relations money and can’t get it back.

Don’t lend the money

Make it a direct debit, not a standing order, then you have control and he can't cancel!

Personal bank accounts don’t support direct debits.

if its something like a bathroom then who owns the property ? be wary of house improvements if its not legally your house...

it will be easier to get advice if you say what its for....

I woudl still tend toward him saving up/getting bank loan first for that amount... you dont say how long you've been together and also how you usually manage finances .....incomes/attitudes to money can cause lots of issues wed or not so you need to be able to have these hard clear conversations with no barriers .....
why would you not say ' lets wait til you've saved up your share????
especially if its a 'want' rather than urgent....

something that we both benefit from but I wouldn’t physically be able to keep or take away if we broke up

So if its something you are both benefitting from why the need to make it so formal. Why not simply get him to write in the notes box for each transfer something like Bathroom Refit Funds 1/10 etc so its clear how many payments there will be and what the money is for?

Its the whole writing it down and getting him to sign promising he will pay it back that seems so alien to me. It would make me feel like you were making a huge deal out of it when it could be done so subtly.

well, i wouldn't lend the money if you're this uncertain.

either wait until you can both put in 50/50 or he gets a loan.

So much poor advice on here! It would be legally binding because you are intending it to be. Intention to create legal relations I s one of the tenets of contract law. There are exceptions eg lettings but a contract also does not need to be signed, as you can enter into it ‘by conduct’ ie acting as if it was signed, but it’s difficult to enforce if it’s not written down.

OP I think it’s sensible to have in writing how much will be repaid and when. Email would be fine if you don’t want to have the formality of a legal document.

I lent my DP a similar sum and he wrote one up of his own accord. He also told close family members so that, in the event of his death, I'd get it back (from people who wouldn't miss it but I would).

OP, you sound like a woman who's learnt from experience and is applying that wisdom to this situation.

Certainly not paranoid in my book.

Extremely sensible behaviour.👍

E-mail is a very good way to do it.
Send him the details and payment plan and ask him if he agrees to it.

You can also print out the email and have him sign a copy.

Never apologize for not being a idiot, and protecting yourself.

💐

I wouldn't call it a contract or get it signed but I would make sure I had a clear email saying 'so, can I just check this. The bathroom will cost £6,000, I am going to pay in full up front and you will repay your half (£3,000) at £83 pm on 20th of the month, starting from Jan 2020 for 36 months, is that the same as you are expecting'? And ensure he confirms.

Smilecheese’s idea is good .

It’s a clear indication that ,say, if payment says xxxx 8 of 10 and the amount is £350 . Then the total loaned is £3500 and he has repaid £2800.

Don’t forget to charge him 20% interest ! ( joke)

If the worse case and unlikely scenario happened could you afford the repayments/to lose the money? If it would mean you would be unable to pay rent/mortgage etc I would ask him to sign something for your peace of mind. But what would happen to the item if you split?

If it is unlikely you will split, and also unlikely he would refuse to pay if you split I would take the chance as the risk is small and the consequence would be be annoyed, losing money not homeless/struggling for food.

I did exactly this when I loaned a friend some money - not because I didn't think he'd pay it back but because I have watched Judge Rinder and he always says 'get it in writing'! Also if it was a lot of money and the borrower gets run over by a bus then you wouldn't have a hope of getting the money from their estate. Always look on the bright side, me . The other reason I did it was because many many years ago I lent money to a family member - a LOT of money, and didn't get anything in writing and they paid back a few grand then refused to pay the rest. Never again!

Why so flippin secretive about what it is. So it's some kind of mysterious home improvement? Crikey its not outing

Does he also have a 'hobby'?

Yanbu get it all in writing.
I have done similar and my DP didn't get funny about it as it's basic common sense

It’d cost you more in legal fees or mediator fees to enforce it than the value you’re trying to protect

No it's not. What the OP wants to do is actually quite simple. She just needs some sort of written proof of her DP agreeing to pay half this cost - she could email him and say 'I will pay £Xk for Y item/service and you set up a standing order to pay me back £Z for however many months it takes to settle the debt. He emails back and says - yes I agree to this and sets up the standing order.

If he doesn't stick to the agreement for whatever reason, she just takes him to the small claims court which costs £35 last time I checked and she will win because of the email clearly stating the agreement, and hopefully a set of standing order payments that he's paid part of the debt back.

OK, he doesn't have to pay after they've been to the small claims court, but then he'll have a CCJ and in that case, she'll have the satisfaction of an unpaid CCJ against him, which will trash his credit record and he won't be able to borrow from anyone at reasonable rates for some time.

From my extensive Judge Rinder experience, as long as there is something in writing it can be enforced. So it could be a text or email that says

"Hi darling, I've paid for the life size flock of ceramic flamingoes we ordered for the garden. You're going to transfer your half (£3750) when you get paid on 30th November, right?"

Cross posted with several others. Hopefully now OP you'll realise that the posters saying this is pointless/too expensive are wrong.

Thanks all!

In DP’s defence he’s paid for large stuff before and although I’ve paid him back promptly I can’t imagine a contract would ever enter into his head!! Generally things are 50/50.

I do wonder if the responses would differ if I had written this as a reverse and come on being like ‘DP has asked me to sign a contract as he’s paid for the new bathroom!’

Think about what 'legally binding' actually means. It doesn't mean that if someone breaks the agreement the police will come and make them comply. It means you can apply to court to have the agreement upheld. Whatever evidence you have will be considered by the court and the specific circumstances will be taken into account when they make a decision.
If you have a written agreement that he pays X per month then he stops, providing he has the means to continue paying, you stand a good chance of having that upheld by the small claims court. But you'd still have to go through the hassle and expense of applying.

The simplest way is that she draws up a very simple loan agreement stating what she is lending him and what the repayment arrangements are. It can also state that the loan will be paid in the format of a joint payment to x or y. Be clear as to whether there is interest payable. I assume not but she might want to put that in in case of default

Get it witnessed as well

If it wasn't repaid, it is a simple visit to the small claims court

Be clear, if you lay this without some agreement, then you won't have a cat in hells chance of getting it back if you split and he refused

I did similar with an ex. I'd pay for expensive holiday tickets on my credit card (loyalty points and cc protection, as well as the fact of needing one card to pay with anyway) and then confirm what he owed via message or email.

He probably realised I was covering my arse but never said anything. And always paid up, thus developing a better credit history with me

Very sensible OP. I did something similar with DP when I was paying the mortgage and he paid me for part of it. He didn’t seem at all concerned that I’d asked for it in writing - because he’s trustworthy and understood that I was taking quite a big risk with him.

You’d be very foolish to “take his word” - there are plenty of threads on here to show how badly it can go for women who think you should blindly trust your partner. People can become instantly completely different in the event of a break up.

No need to make a big deal of it, just say you’ve seen similar situations go badly in the past so you want the arrangement confirmed in writing to avoid any confusion. Have the agreement already written up so all he needs to do is check it and sign. Make two copies and keep a scanned copy electronically.

@BarbaraofSeville lots of ways to enforce a CCJ including freezing bank accounts, clamping cars etc

I think it makes sense. Also, pay the debt by bank transfer and keep a copy of the bank statement as it shows you paid the debt in full from your account.

I loaned my DP money for his business. It was before I knew MN existed but I did make sure we had emails about the terms of the loan (when it would be paid back, etc) and copy bank statements showing the transfer from my account.

tbh I'd be more inclined to see if your DP can set up a payment scheme for his 50% direct with the person/company that is being paid. It just removes any angst about you having to chase payment.

Thanks MN wisdom!