Therapy helps very few people.

[feelingkrap]

For traffic here.

Do you think it improved your life?

My therapist keeps talking of self-compassion. I have become angry towards people, fostering victim mind-set. I have started to feel unsure if therapy is for everyone. I am sure it helps people with more serious mental illness like depression, bpd, etc.

I feel I just I waste an hour a week and my hard earned money and makes me more angry and all I do is brood later. It's very expensive in London, and I am thinking of dropping therapy and doing a hobby coruse instead.

I have tried more than one therapist, so won't try more.

Please tell me any of you were able to turn around life into satisfying, happy and fulfilling one.

I got the analysis bit for my issues, and know the reasons for ages, but no progress further.

I feel it's a waste of time if you are already a thinker type.

Please tell me your experience. How old were you?

Catastrophise

@Girlattheback that's interesting about the yoga - I do lots of yoga, and really find it helps me (I have c-ptsd). I'm not that keen on massage, but having a lot for an injury at the moment - what's the science behind that helping for ptsd?

I’ve found therapy really helpful.

I went through Mind (am in London) which isn’t expensive.

Ive tried from the very cheap to the very expensive, it helped initially but ultimately not the great experience I'd hoped for.

@AnnaNimmity
The yoga and massage help to deal with the hyperarousal you commonly get with PTSD. It would form part of treatment but not deal with the whole condition.

Thanks @Girlattheback

Just looked up hyperarousal. That’s me. Shit.

DH and I went for counselling as advised by our HV/GP when we were having terrible problems with our eldest DD at school (she was later diagnosed with ADHD). Having our parenting picked to pieces and being told that it was "our fault" as our 2nd baby had been stillborn was enough to put us both off therapy for life.

It isn't anywhere near regulated enough IMO - this woman had qualified and set up in a garden room in her home. She caused us months of misery and anger, and almost destroyed our marriage.

There are some truly terrible counsellors out there unfortunately. There are also some very good ones. It's a real minefield sorting the wheat from the chaff. Sometimes you don't realise that a particular person is very poor until you have had a few sessions.
The poor ones can do real damage.

I also know several people who are counsellors and psychotherapists. Knowing what I do about them personally, I worry for people who consult them as they have a lot of issues themselves.
I attend a support group and the woman who leads it just shouldn't be a counsellor. I go because of the other people but she ought to be struck off. There are so many unprofessional things going on it's frightening.

I do agree that the relationship itself is the crucial thing. Talking to someone who truly gets what you are saying and supports you to explore yourself. It's not about agreeing that things are awful or offering sympathy, it's about trust and empathy along with an ability to challenge the thinking of the client.

Finding a) the right therapist and
b) the right type of therapy, is essential for success.
I had nine sessions that were life changing for me. I’d been off work for five weeks with stress and anxiety after my DD’s second attempted suicide by hanging, and was obsessed with the fear of her trying again successfully.
I’d also had an abusive childhood, and my lovely DH had died when the DC were babies. I’d been running on empty for years.
My therapist was brilliant. A retired professor of theology, committed Christian and trained therapist, working privately but mentored and recommended by my NHS psychiatry colleagues.
He used a mixture of techniques, tailored to the patient - in my case, CBT plus relaxation therapy. He was an excellent listener, who taped all consultations to review later and make sure he hadn’t missed any points or nuances. He provided a safe space in which I was able to discuss the most private issues in confidence and comfort.
I still use the teschniques he taught me to deal with stress, and I still hear them in my head in his distinctive accent!
So I can vouch that therapy works, but it’s more likely to be successful if the therapist shares your life view, religious position etc. It means you can both take core beliefs for granted, and start on the same page.
A final point, OP. Anger is often a stage in the healing process, in both grief and trauma. It can be a healthy sign that you are starting to turn your problem outwards rather than inwards, as a first step to freeing yourself from it. You might also be “projecting” onto your therapist and getting angry with them and their treatment, as a safe substitute for getting angry with your real issues or the people who have harmed you.
I hope you manage to find peace and a solution that works for you. God bless.

I do find embodied work is most helpful for me. All our emotions are held in our body and the body remembers everything. If you can get into the body memories, it bypasses the critical thinking and the defences

I am extremely interested to know what kind of body therapy you have experienced. Does it have a name or a brand? Was your therapist qualified, if so with what organisation?

Do you believe that you recovered memories that were trapped in your body?

www.seauk.org.uk

www.practicalhappiness.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Introduction-to-EmoTrance.pdf

focusing.org/sixsteps

These are just some of the approaches, there are many.

Somatic Re experiencing

Focusing

Emotrance

Regression therapy using body memories

I haven't done a lot of it personally, but my experiences with it have been very powerful. I know practitioners who work with these modalities and have friends who have worked with them to good effect. I don't personally find talking therapies are nearly as effective, but it depends on the person and what they need.

You should read “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma”. By Bessel Van De Kelk. [sic] (his name is Bessel van der Kolk")

He’s an American psychotherapist who pretty much invented trauma therapy best practice. It has some great information about the effects of trauma and what therapies do and do not work. Lots of useful stuff about childhood trauma and recovery.

He is an extremely controversial man who was sacked from his own organisation for bullying female colleagues.

www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2018/03/07/allegations-employee-mistreatment-roil-renowned-trauma-center/sWW13agQDY9B9A1rt9eqnK/story.html

He was also involved in publishing fraudulent research

archive.org/stream/BesselVanDerKolkScientificDishonestyTheMysteriousDisappearing/VanDerKolk_djvu.txt

He is also involved with sinister / disreputable groups that promote conspiracy theories about satanic ritual abuse such as the ISSTD and Castlewood Treatment Center .

His wife (Betta de Boer vanderKolk) is a treacher at the extremely controversial neo-tantric sex tranining organisation (many say sex cult) Source School of Tantra, currently embroiled in multiple allegations of sexual assault.

Van der Kolk is also an associate of the disgraced paedophile former rabbi Marc Gafni and has worked with him at the extremely concerning organisation the Center for Integral Wisdom.

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20191116113821/centerforintegralwisdom.org/programs-and-events/event/complex-trauma-treatment-addictive-behavior-marc-gafni-bessel-van-derk-kolk/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20191116113821/centerforintegralwisdom.org/programs-and-events/event/complex-trauma-treatment-addictive-behavior-marc-gafni-bessel-van-derk-kolk/

more on Gafni here

failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2015/12/rabbi-marc-gafni-exposé-678.html

I find it deeply shocking that many well-meaning people continue to promote van der Kolk given his many concerning activities and alliances

Thanks SunsetBoulevard3

I very much appreciate you posting details

I have extremely serious concerns about some of the things you have linked to

Please do not take this as a criticism of you personally

I am running late but will post detailes of my concerns later

Thanks again

As my recommendation seems to have caused some controversy I thought I’d respond to whodathunkit.

Like the OP trauma is something that my family are dealing with at this time. It’s hard and it’s intense and everyone has their own experience. I read the book to help me understand what we’re going through at the moment. I found it to be insightful on so many levels.

So much of the book resonated with how we are feeling at this time that I felt it might be of help to others in their experience of trauma. I have no opinion on the author, as I don’t know the facts of his controversy and I tend not to take press articles on face value. He has exercised his right to reply and his response is interesting if you take time to read it.

I hope the OP is okay and finding the support and help she needs at this time.