Therapy helps very few people.

[feelingkrap]

For traffic here.

Do you think it improved your life?

My therapist keeps talking of self-compassion. I have become angry towards people, fostering victim mind-set. I have started to feel unsure if therapy is for everyone. I am sure it helps people with more serious mental illness like depression, bpd, etc.

I feel I just I waste an hour a week and my hard earned money and makes me more angry and all I do is brood later. It's very expensive in London, and I am thinking of dropping therapy and doing a hobby coruse instead.

I have tried more than one therapist, so won't try more.

Please tell me any of you were able to turn around life into satisfying, happy and fulfilling one.

I got the analysis bit for my issues, and know the reasons for ages, but no progress further.

I feel it's a waste of time if you are already a thinker type.

Please tell me your experience. How old were you?

I think it depends on the person and the therapist really. I’ve had a few and with some I didn’t feel like I was getting any better but my last therapist completely changed my life

It would be very helpful if people could name the therapist who helped them and the area, maybe to help others find a good therapist, but I guess that wouldn't be something most people would want to do.

That wouldn't help people, what one person finds from a therapist might not be want another wants, its like putting everyone in a box who all suffer from depression and saying they have the same symptoms.

To answer your question OP, I have found it useful, but only up to a certain point, then I close down and I have no reason why, but once that happens, they just cannot help me anymore. Its like I can't take that final step and haven't found anyone to help me do it

How many therapists have you tried OP? Maybe it is all about the therapist you have.

I feel amazingly uplifted after seeing mine, even if I've spent the entire session crying or hitting a beanbag with a baseball bat.

I did have one though who kept telling me that everything I did or feeling I had was perfectly valid. And that didn't really help. She never told me how to deal with things, or even challenge what I was doing - you do have to take responsibility for your actions even if I agree that self blame or criticism isn't helpful.

@GunpowderGelatine - I would like to offer support for reporting the abuser. I reported mine. He went to prison. You can do it.

The best therapy is one in which the relationship itself is therapeutic, rather than the brand of therapy. That means sometimes it's a search until you find the best fit.

To the poster who had such unhelpful responses in therapy for historic CSA. That should not have happened. A therapist experienced in that area should not tell you it’s ‘awful’ (no sh*t Sherlock!) and they should support you in reporting. A women-centred therapy may be most helpful if you have one in your area?

OP, I get what you mean. You wanted to explore the feelings not have them normalised (although normalising feelings is part of a therapist’s role).

And Gunpowder congratulations on having such courage and getting that conviction.

@Mimishimi I felt the same about antidepressants as no tablets will help but then I had the right kind of therapy. Don't give up

You should read “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma”. By Bessel Van De Kelk.

He’s an American psychotherapist who pretty much invented trauma therapy best practice. It has some great information about the effects of trauma and what therapies do and do not work. Lots of useful stuff about childhood trauma and recovery.

Sorry but I think YABU; therapy is helpful - I have consulted therapists in the past. However, you seem to have had back luck with a run of incompatible therapists. :( Absolutely, do not stick with a therapist who doesn't suit you - that is just a waste of money.

@Girlattheback I have just started reading that book and so much resonates already.

feelingkrap I also had EFT, the hardest thing for me with that, was I had to say out loud, repetitively 'I love myself' I couldn't do it for a long time, it would stick in throat, I'd feel embarrassed, the first time I did it made me proper sob and cry.

Through all my therapy one of the crucial things I learnt was. Its OK to feel sorry for myself.

Like you I fought it and felt guilty and useless when dwelling and getting upset about things in my past, then I'd feel guilty about the time I'd wasted. It wasn't until I allowed myself the time, did I start to make progress and come out the other side.

So I allowed myself and set aside the following day, to do nothing just cry, think, get angry, sleep. Once I allowed it and designated a day to it, without the guilt, my time to dwell naturally shorten.

I'd been told since I was tiny, to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop attention seeking, get on with it, Whenever I was hurt or upset.
I grew up thinking it was bad and I was bad for showing I was upset.

I matter and you matter.

I have had some terrible therapists and some brilliant ones. Without the brilliant ones, I would not be here.

The first brilliant one I saw (in Oxford, if anyone does want a recommendation) was when I was having a massive mental health breakdown due to PTSD that had been bubbling up for years. She was so so gentle, she let me build up to it for weeks, never pushed me, always calmed me down when I needed it, cried with me over the horrible things I had experienced (which may not be considered very professional but was actually very healing). I saw her for a year and she kept me alive and started me on the path to getting my life back together.

I have never seen a decent NHS counsellor but I have seen two lovely NHS psychologists. The first of whom gave me EMDR to help tackle my PTSD and really supported me on that journey. The second supported me through my pregnancy and my relationship with my mother, she was so down to earth and fiesty and made me feel like I really had someone on my side.

All three of them (and my occupational therapist) have carried me to where I am today. I’m mentally well, I’m a good mother and I’m studying to become an OT myself. None of that seemed possible before, living past 25 did not seem possible before. I’m eternally grateful.

Of course I also have some horror stories but there are good ones out there and they can make an enormous difference.

OP, it sounds like you're trying to process some really important feelings and you don't want to - you want to be able to push everything aside and just get 'better' ASAP without having to feel all these feelings and reassess your relationship with others.

Unfortunately, that's not how most therapy works and I wonder if this is why your past therapy hasn't been successful. It sounds like you might have been suppressing a lot of anger about things fit a long time, and just haven't allowed yourself to feel it? You seem to be conflating anger with a 'victim mindset' but these are not the same thing. A her is a normal emotion that everyone feels and a rational response to being treated badly.

If you haven't already, I would speak to your therapist about this anger - they should be able to help you unpick what it's really about. Quite often people project emotions onto the therapy or therapist which is actually 'about' something else. Do you otherwise feel that your therapist knows what they're doing? There are a lot of crap ones out there so sometimes it could be a question of finding the right one.

I had therapy a couple of years ago for a few months after a horrific (and sudden) relationship breakdown. It wasn't for me. It was interesting in getting some alternative perspectives on my situation/reactions/thinking but I didn't really progress. Like the OP I'm 'a thinker' too. I suffer from anxiety - though this wasn't the reason for my therapy at the time - and I found I was dreading the sessions and it was actually exacerbating my anxiety, so I stopped.

Yeah, hasn't helped me much because I think the issues which trigger the anxiety are always going to be there
Therapy is never going to be about avoiding triggers but about learning to manage our emotional response to them.

Anxiety is not something to be avoided but managed. It takes time and much hard work to change our response to triggers. It is easier and quicker for some and cleatlyy some therapists are more experienced and skilled at supporting us through the process.

I'm analytical, I had psychodynamic therapy for 5 years, it did nothing.

I have found self-help to be the most useful, but even still, i'm largely living the same life. Some of the characters and settings have changed, some of my behaviours have changed a bit, but no, I'm not thriving.

The step after self-awarenss is what I'm missing. I'm tempted to try therapy again, but reluctant after my bad experience.

I’ve had cbt for ptsd and psychotherapy for depression. Both turned my life round. Therapy is hard work, it’s not a case of rocking up once a week have a quick chat and everything is fine and dandy. It’s about reaching deep inside yourself, being brave enough to face up to what monsters you might find and seeking a way to move forward. It’s having that desire to improve with the therapists help.

Where I’ve seen therapy be less successful is where people see it as an opportunity to wallow in self pity. Expecting the therapist to agree and enable their self pity.

I hate the phrase but therapy really is a journey, it’s a place to explore thoughts and feelings and decide which ones should be validated and form part of the future

I found my current therapist after trying 4 others and three months after i decided i would kill myself.

I didn't think i would live beyond 26. I'm 28 now and I'm still in therapy 3 years later. ( trauma history and BPD).

The relationship you have is the most important thing, but like ladybee28 I also believe in trauma being stored in the body so added regular-ish massages.

I have just completed a year of DBT. It is a completely different type of therapy than any I've tried before. It consists of a group where you go through 4 modules - mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interprrsonal effectiveness. In each module you learn skills. Each week you have homework to complete and you also have to fill in a 'diary card' showing the levels of your emotions and which skills you have used. You also do a group mindfulness practice every week and an hour 1:1 with your therapist. It has really helped me to deal with my emotions on a day to day basis. I have a diagnosis of Emotionally unstable personality disorder (also known as BPD) and this is the reccomended treatment. Being able to cope better with my distress means I am now able to complete therapy to deal with my trauma.

Therapy is helpful but you need the right therapy for your condition. The gold standard treatment for PTSD is EMDR. Talking therapies don’t work for this condition. EMDR is an active therapy that will help you process and resolve your feelings.

You mention feeling angry, that is very normal with PTSD. You’ve done really well in getting your diagnosis with the therapists you’ve been to. If you’re not happy with them don’t spend any more money on them. Your GP might give you some treatment options and there’s lots of support groups around.

Other options that help PTSD are yoga, drama therapy and massage (if you can cope with the close contact.)

I agree with Lifeover.

The gold standard treatment for PTSD is EMDR. Talking therapies don’t work for this condition.

I have PTSD and psychotherapy helped me enormously. I think it's important not to generalise.

I’ve had EDMR for anxiety. I’ve had to pay. I think it is only available in NHS for PTSD

Yet after just a couple of sessions it’s turning my anxiety round in a way that endless CBT/ counselling/mindfulness never did. None of them touched it.

I get really fed up of hearing about CBT. I KNOW my thought processes are wrong, just like l know that all the things l catastraphose about are unlikely to happen. And no matter how l score my thoughts, or do my homework it makes zero difference.