Therapy helps very few people.

[feelingkrap]

For traffic here.

Do you think it improved your life?

My therapist keeps talking of self-compassion. I have become angry towards people, fostering victim mind-set. I have started to feel unsure if therapy is for everyone. I am sure it helps people with more serious mental illness like depression, bpd, etc.

I feel I just I waste an hour a week and my hard earned money and makes me more angry and all I do is brood later. It's very expensive in London, and I am thinking of dropping therapy and doing a hobby coruse instead.

I have tried more than one therapist, so won't try more.

Please tell me any of you were able to turn around life into satisfying, happy and fulfilling one.

I got the analysis bit for my issues, and know the reasons for ages, but no progress further.

I feel it's a waste of time if you are already a thinker type.

Please tell me your experience. How old were you?

I have had a few different types of therapy and I can honestly say the most important things are getting the right person and being in the right frame of mind to accept the help.

This is very interesting. I have tried quite a few counsellors and found it all pretty hopeless. I am very analytical about myself, and there is nothing I haven't thought about already. I found i was just talking and talking and the counsellor was sitting there looking increasingly out of their depth . Or they made really unhelpful comments that showed they didn't get it at all.

Recently I have been having counselling with a charity, and because it's free i haven't been frantically working out the rate per minute and whether the benefits are worth it. Very gradually, I have noticed I am more resilient, have a less catastrophic reaction to things going wrong, and am kinder to myself. The main thing I have benefitted from is feeling validated. Having someone listen and really feel your pain is very helpful. However, I haven't really let my barriers down and I've never cried. i think it takes a long time to start to see change, and sometimes it's very subtle things. My counsellor is trained in Transactional Analysis, and that has been helpful to me in understanding the Drama Triangle.

I do find embodied work is most helpful for me. All our emotions are held in our body and the body remembers everything. If you can get into the body memories, it bypasses the critical thinking and the defences . Hypnotherapy can be very helpful for the same reasons. It reprogrammes your mind to search for things that are beneficial and positive, not negative and reaction based.

I think non talking methods can be much more effective for many people, particularly with regard to trauma. EMDR works really well too. Also EFT.

Cognitive analytical therapy (CAT) with a Clinical Psychologist - life changing and validating. Helped me make sense of how past experiences have shaped me in taking in particular reciprocal roles with others. It may not be just the therapist but also the type of therapy that is key. I’d recommend a Clinical Psychology assessment to start with and take advice from there as to the type of psycho-therapeutic intervention that might help.

I had counselling through uni and found it very beneficial, even though it was limited to blocks of 6. Then you had to join the queue as it were and re-register to go again. I still use some of the the techniques I learnt now, to great benefit. Perhaps I'm.one of the few, or got lucky.

I did notice that 'thinking person' comment and think you're clearly not in the right headspace for therapy to benefit you - whether its therapy in general or the specific therapists you have tried which isn't working for you I don't know.

I would instead do some or all of the following:

Meditate
Exercise / Zumba
Do some spiritual/ self development : healing stuff at home: books, websites, goals, cbt stuff
Eat healthily
Listen to positivity stuff while out and about

Save the therapy money

Dd has been having CBT for low self
esteem. She was in a really bad place six months ago. Now, I feel like I have her back.

Yes, have had psychotherapy for 5 years, it's helped me hugely. CBT and counselling did not go deep enough for me to unravel what the issues were.

My therapist is basically my mirror, she gets me to look at myself, examine my feelings and emotions. I'm now able to objectively look at myself, accept my faults and know that it's OK and move on rather than be a ball of anxiety that hates myself.

It takes a lot of work to get to this point, it's not a quick fix.

Does EMDR work? isn't it the placebo effect?

EMDR is meant to have good results for PTSD and other traumatic backgrounds.

I've been having weekly therapy for the past 6 months. The clinic I go to has a "pay what you can afford" option. I couldn't have paid the full price.

I'm finding it really helpful. It's a painful process and I often dread going. But I do feel I understand myself and my family dynamic more.

Oh - sorry, I was getting EMDR mixed up with EFT!

I had EDMR after some very traumatic incidents and it didn’t work for me. I left the last session with the therapist saying I should see how I felt after a related court case was settled! I still felt/feel shit.

*EMDR

as stated by pp there are many types of therapy & each condition & individual may find that success depends on your relationship with your therapist as well as the type of therapy. According to the journal articles I have read you need a long course not just 3 or 4 its the duration & sometimes if you go into another stress inducing time you may need another course, as you would if on medication - from memory the success rate is about the same as medication - about 30% but another type of therapy or therapist may succeed if that one fails (ditto with medication -which is why many people often have to change their medication). I hope things improve for you op

I've had 2 experiences with therapy.

The first was CBT in uni for anxiety, it was excellent and I use the strategies discussed to this day. I don't have anxiety any more (not all due to the therapy but was a big help)

I recently had talking therapy for grief, I won't go into detail but essentially a type of grief for something I will never have and need to move on from. It did jack shit, the sessions were emotionally exhausting and useless, talking did nothing to help me. I like the practical element of CBT, talking therapy didn't give me any kind of practical coping strategy. Having the "space" to talk did nothing to soothe me or make sense of it all.

It hasn’t helped me thus far, but I know many people who have benefitted enormously from therapy.

I had have had psycho dynamic therapy with three different therapists over the years and it has AlWAYS left me feeling angry and worse than when I started. There isn’t enough feedback from the therapist for me with that type of therapist and I feel like I’ve spent an hour revisiting trauma on my own, and then times up and off you go back to your life.

I can’t afford therapy currently, but if I did revisit it, I’d want some sort of person-centred, more relationship-based therapy (not sure if that’s the technical term, but therapy that is more like a conversation and not me paying £60 an hour for someone to say ‘and how did that make you feel?’ three times).

I attended the Priory following a diagnosis of PTSD. It truly changed my life.

Me too!

I'd tried therapy in various guises in my early 20s after I was referred by my GP when I contracted a STD after being date-raped. The whole sorry story came out and I saw a therapist weekly for over a year until I turned 25 {when the charity providing the service were no longer allowed to help me as it was for under-25s only). These sessions helped me a little but were upsetting and never somehow 'fixed' me.

Less than 2 years later, due to disastrous events in my life at the time, I took an overdose. It was a cry for help really (although my family never knew - and still don't). Again I was referred to therapy (private via work medical insurance) but the therapist (who was Jungian) never really clicked with me and I stopped going. I muddled on with my life masking how I felt.

I struggled on until my mid-30s when I had a breakdown. This time it was work stress/bullying that was the final trigger but clearly my mental health has been hanging by a thread for years.

In hindsight, the breakdown was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was fortunate enough to have very good private health insurance via work plus the support of my employer, and eventually I ended up being referred to The Priory for intensive treatment. It absolutely changed my life. I went there every day Mon-Fri for 6 weeks. It wasn't easy. I had a mixture of 1:1s with a psychologist and a psychiatrist (who oversaw my case) but lots of group therapy sessions, doing everything from art therapy to CBT to anger management to God knows what. Some of it was excruciating. I met some good people, who were struggling with their lives much more than me. I cried a lot, people cried on me a lot. But the lessons I learnt there really helped me turn my life around. It was amazing and I wish everyone could have the luxury of spending the time in The Priory. It totally reset me. I learnt to accept myself but most importantly it gave me the tools to manage how I was feeling and reacting to things. Again, my family never knew about any of this and still don't.

After I finished at The Priory I saw an amazing psychologist on Harley St for 6 months. She was the icing on the cake. She helped reinforce what I'd learnt at The Priory and now it really is second nature to me. I'm the poster girl for CBT.

That was over a decade ago. I haven't taken anti-depressants in years. I have my life together and I really am a different person. Life still throws it's curveballs (some of them particularly nasty) and I have been pushed to the limited a couple of times. But I haven't cracked. Now I have the coping mechanisms to recognise what is happening to me and to take positive steps that prevent me falling like I used to. I'm such a different person and mentally so strong. Sure I have my wobbles but I do something about it straight away and that works well for me.

As you can tell from my long post, it was a long journey for me to find the therapy that really worked for me. I was so lucky to find it and I am so thankful as it has changed my life and who I am completely.

I had counselling/ psychotherapy for 3 years ( I was very lucky that we could afford it,I know) .I genuinely don't know what I would have done without it.
I do think you need the right counsellor at the right time,mine was very experienced and even when I hated going I trusted her.
Two things - at one point when I was so frustrated that I seemed to be getting nowhere,she asked why I expected issues that had taken a lifetime to develop to be fixable in a few months ( not quite in those words,but that was the general idea!).
Second thing is I am a thinker and analytical type too - I thought I could think and analyse my way out of my problems,but it didn't work like that.Because for me I was stuck in thinking about it in the same old way,and so was going nowhere,I needed the fresh insight she provided.

Right person at the right time with a 'not wrong' approach.

Some people will be lucky enough to get someone they can work with first time (for some it really is first time lucky, for others, many different therapists - though not all - would help).

I've had 3 lots, 2 were a total waste of time and the 3rd a pleasant time. I have a counselling diploma and know I have helped some but not all of the people I worked with. It was definitely easier with a person who was new to the concept and open to the experience.

CBT I see mainly as good for symptoms but not to sort out complex issues - so whilst the symptom may go away another often takes it's place. It is often the preferred route within the NHS as it is quantifiable in a way that longer term work isn't.

My preferred approach is 'person centred' which is not quick and very definitely depends on a therapeutic relationship with total acceptance. Expensive and time consuming.

Reading Carl Rogers 'On Becoming a Person' was a very helpful process for me. Far more than any 'counselling' I participated in.

amazon.co.uk/Becoming-Person-Carl-Rogers/dp/1845290577/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2ZPLCFSUQMVUN&keywords=on+becoming+a+person+carl+rogers+1961&qid=1573508121&sprefix=On+becoming+a+person%2Caps%2C173&sr=8-1]]

Yes, CAT was life-changing. I'm a thinking person, but why could I not control my body from getting anxious, freezing, going into a rage, etc.? Therapy helped untangle all of this and accept the whole me, body and mind. I'm still so, so grateful to my therapist. It took two years and they were very dark, but I got through it. I remember talking in my final session about how I didn't believe her, when she told me in my first session I could get better and think and feel differently. Makes me cry just writing this down. Childhood trauma is awful. It's not fair you have to deal with it, OP, but you can get better. Please don't give up. Something will work for you.

I think finding the right person is the key. That is something of a hit and miss affair.
The first person I saw made me worse and I had bad view on them, then I found a private lady. She has been wonderful and I see all the money as an investment.

I still see her now and again and its great to know that I can if need to ( providing I can afford her)
I found her via personal recommendation .

I have had a fair bit of therapy, some of it has helped and some of it has been utterly useless. I’m seeing a bereavement therapist at the moment and that’s sally helped coping with the loss of a parent.

I see people extensively under a therapist and are still very much damaged and unable to move on. Obsessed with the past, hell bent on reliving painful memories and in turn trying to cause others distress. That kind of therapy can be dangerous and keeps the anger bubbling under the surface but at some point you’ve got to blow the anger away and move on properly.

I see a counsellor and it's helped immensely. I really recommend it, but it is not a quick fix. And you really need to find the right counsellor. Take ownership of your role in your life.

I was in a controlling violent relationship which ended with me being badly physically hurt. There were far more incidents of coercive control, degrading sex, assault and gaslighting And I put up with it all - because I seemingly couldn't bring myself to assert myself. For whatever reason.

. But the last incident was the trigger I needed to get help because it could have ended differently. After a fight inside where I was pushed so heavily I broke a wall, I was pushed out onto a concrete step and landed so heavily I was bruised all the way down one side of my body. I landed on the side of my head. My clothes were torn. It was horrific. But all I could think of, was that if I landed differently it could have been different. So i needed to do something for my children.

It was less than a year ago that it ended, and my counsellor has made me see that anger is a very healthy emotion. That it will help me protect myself and never allow this to happen again. That it is the sign that things aren't right and your boundaries are being pushed.

I cannot see why people now would deliberately put themselves and their children into this situation, but maybe they have no boundaries, or just don't care. And I certainly didn't have enough because I stayed with that man despite the worse treatment from him, lies, assault, sexual assualt, cheating, coercion, abuse. I stayed. But since that event, I know I will never do that again. I have learned how to have boundaries and to protect myself and my children and for this I will thank my counsellor every day.

The man severely damaged me. I was left wtih PTSD,. It took months for the flashbacks and nightmares to stop. I still get triggered when he contacts me (which of course he does). I still have dreams about him. For me the counselling is an ongoing process. But it's been less than a year, and it will take longer than that to get over it all. I know that and I'm happy to work on it. Because at the end of the day, I cannot go back. I can't let that happen to me again. I can't do that to my children.

My understanding is that there is evidence to suggest that therapy works, but it’s the individual therapist that matters, nothing else, not the modality, not the frequency etc.

It would be very helpful if people could name the therapist who helped them and the area, maybe to help others find a good therapist, but I guess that wouldn't be something most people would want to do.