Therapy helps very few people.

[feelingkrap]

For traffic here.

Do you think it improved your life?

My therapist keeps talking of self-compassion. I have become angry towards people, fostering victim mind-set. I have started to feel unsure if therapy is for everyone. I am sure it helps people with more serious mental illness like depression, bpd, etc.

I feel I just I waste an hour a week and my hard earned money and makes me more angry and all I do is brood later. It's very expensive in London, and I am thinking of dropping therapy and doing a hobby coruse instead.

I have tried more than one therapist, so won't try more.

Please tell me any of you were able to turn around life into satisfying, happy and fulfilling one.

I got the analysis bit for my issues, and know the reasons for ages, but no progress further.

I feel it's a waste of time if you are already a thinker type.

Please tell me your experience. How old were you?

I don't think it is a good idea to start posting therapists actual names on here .

I had therapy (kindly paid for through work) when I left my exH and went off the rails a bit (was in the early stages of a very abusive relationship too. It was a funny time).

Therapist blamed everything on my dad then dismissed my views when I dared to argue.

Walked out after 2 sessions and never went back. He actually made me feel worse.

(For what it's worth, I have a fantastic relationship with my dad)

I’m curious about what you mean by victim minded. Your therapy is currently making you angry but maybe that’s something you have to work through. Therapy can be very hard work. I think actually you have found the right therapist and should stick with it.

Some therapy is better than others. Stuff like CBT seems pointless and only scrapes the surface. And I had one session with a counsellor who suggested I have relaxing baths .

But I've had wonderful long term NHS counselling (20yrs ago) and also some shorter term private therapy with a truly lovely counsellor.

You have to have the right fit, or it won't work.

I've had counselling I think four times, which was useless for me. I later found out I have ADHD which I think explains a lot of the stuff I was struggling with that the counselling didn't help with. I then had CBT specifically for the ADHD, but TBH the therapist was a bit crap and I don't think that really helped me either.

Therapy (psychoanalysis) has helped me immensely. But it has taken a long time.

The psychotherapy helped me a lot to find the cause of my issues and I also have a bit of CBT here and there to help me work around unhelpful ways of thinking caused by my issues. In my case I’d had both of these types of therapy before but separately and at different times and that didn’t work for me. Having a therapist that uses both when appropriate has been a revelation.

Those rounds of therapy that didn’t work for me made me feel either a) frustrated and angry that nobody understood me or b) bored and like it was pointless. This was either because the type of therapy was not right for me or I really didn’t get on with the therapist (which is really important). Annoyingly it took me months and months and ££££ to work that out.

OP you might find this site useful. I do

Out of the Storm (OOTS) is an online forum and information site for adults suffering from diagnosed or undiagnosed Complex PTSD due to ongoing abuse/ neglect at the hands of others (sexual/physical/emotional abuse, neglect). www.outofthestorm.website

I don’t think therapy is helpful for me personally, and it is expensive.

I had psychodynamic therapy, for simular issues as you. There was a time I felt it wasn't working, I Also couldn't process some of the few things she questioned and explained. As over think stuff it took a lot of time for the penny to drop about the things she'd pointed out.

Oh and the anger was a stage and did come out the otherside.

I've had 18 months of psychotherapy on the NHS. It was a complete and utter waste of time. I still hate myself. I have impossibly high standards when it comes to myself so I'm never good enough. I exist in a permanent state of rage. I could understand what he was saying/suggesting, I accept I had an "interesting" childhood and I've had 2 interlinked traumatic experiences since becoming an adult however I can't shake the belief that all of that is my fault for not being good enough. A

Meditate
Exercise / Zumba
Do some spiritual/ self development : healing stuff at home: books, websites, goals, cbt stuff
Eat healthily
Listen to positivity stuff while out and about

That surely depends as to why you need/want therapy? Exercise makes me angry. I run to punish myself for being lazy and slow. I'll never be fast enough to feel good about my running. Ditto food. I eat healthly and withhold treats for punishment. Meditation just translates into thinking time which for me usually ends up circling on whatever thing I feel I failed at recently.

I don't doubt those things do help lots of people but like therapy, they won't work for everyone.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils It may be you either need a different therapist or another kind of therapy which targets the root cause . I relate to what you say.

There are loads of different types of therapy. Different modalities work better for different people, and/or different problems.

The research does show that straight "talking therapy", where the therapist just sort of lets you talk, isn't that effective for most people. In many situations, a creative pursuit is more healing, for example - or physical exercise, or a therapist who actively works with you on practical life changes, or a group setting where you receive support but also support others. Particualrly in the area of trauma, compassion and anger - groups can be extremely helpful.

I would recommend a trauma therapist for your OP. Someone who does trauma-informed care. You may also want to look for therapists who are more directive - that is - who include an educational component in their therapy where you learn new skills and get given homework for practical changes to experiment with.

On the other side - please do understand that the research actually shows that there is such a thing as a "supershrink". About 10% of therapists get absolutely amazing outcomes - even when they do things that are "against the rules" in their modality. A good 85ish% of therapists have no effect and a small percentage actively do harm (probably not on purpose). You need to find a really good therapist, tbh. That's the dirty secret of therapy success.

My psychologist changed my life, she/it was brutal though, it was very painful but I committed to myself to be as honest as possible in all my sessions and I think I got a lot out of it.

Really expensive and I do wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been able to afford it. I also know someone who has been in and out of therapy for years and it hasn’t helped. Guess it depends on finding the right therapist and how you approach it yourself. But i can see how it may not always help.

I did EMDR with London Trauma Centre, not cheap but worth it. It relieved me of years of self loathing and anxiety, and was worth every penny. Therapy can help but it needs to be the right type and practitioner. I did CBT and detested it, but it can help others.

Therapy can be very powerful. However, it works best if the timing is right for you, you know what you want from the therapy and you don’t have an expectation it’s only something that happens for an hour a week in a room. Actually, if it’s helping, you should notice over time that you are beginning to think and feel differently. The anger you feel is very likely to be serving an important function for you. Self-compassion is going to be hard as long as the anger is still in the way and more powerful. Could you describe the anger and the increase after sessions to your therapist? We have emotions that are primary, secondary and adaptive. Anger may be what you feel in place of another emotion that is too difficult to experience yet. If you have a good alliance with the therapist and can afford to continue, then do.

And that should be ‘thinking and feeling differently between therapy sessions’ Doh!

It wasn't for me OP, didn't find it helpful at all (CSA survivor here). Lots of lemon faces and "oh that's awful" when what I wanted was practical advice on coping and the courage to report my abuser to the police. I fear I will never have either of those

Being the thinking type was my problem, as it happens. I'm much happier after some talking therapy helped me to start recognising and responding to my gut feelings, rather than trying to logic myself into feeling what it would 'make sense' to feel.

My experiences:

NHS Counselling at GP practice - not unpleasant, but useless. Thankfully councellor recognised this and put it in his report to GP.

Psychiatrist said he didn't think he could help me - Erm, helpful!

Phychotherapy - a year of weekly sessions on the NHS, felt like it was getting somewhere, but then had to stop as I'd reached the limit of what they offer on NHS.

Peri-natal therapist (not sure what she was qualified as) - utterly useless. Seemed to want me to say I had PND all the time, but the only reason I was referred to her was because of previous mental health problems. The only thing I needed help with after the birth were physical issues.

Physiotherapist (yes, you read that right!) - Great. She helped me identify the physical issues that had been denied by midwives and health visitors and once I got that under control my mental health improved dramatically.

I'd like to be able to afford more therapy, but I think you have to find both the right therapy and the right therapist for it to work.

My bugbears are that therapies become 'fashionable' and then everyone thinks it can 'fix' you. Was CBT for quite a while (been told this probably wouldn't work for me) and it seems to currently be 'mindfulness' which isn't suitable for everyone.

Thanks everyone. I read all the replies. I am glad some of you have benefitted from therapy.

I can also relate to some of you, who felt frustrated.

I think victim mindset is not the right word. But I feel completely trapped in my circumstances and as a result feel very depressed. I had to leave my job and now I am finding it very hard to restart. So it's essential that I get out of this depressed state. Without work, I am sitting at home and brooding.

Last session, I talked about a recent conflict, I took responsibly for my part. But therapist tried to convince me that my reaction was normal. This made me feel upset towards the other person. Other person is a close family. Who has some behavioural problems but is trying really hard to improve. After session was over, I felt very low.

That night I had a nightmare. I got upset with dh for not give any comfort. I woke up at 6 but left the bed after 11 as I felt there was no reason for me to get up and start the day.

I feel in my circumstances, I can't afford (metaphorically ) to be patient for the therapy to show positive effects on my life.

I sat in bed next day till mid morning going through all the different occasions when they caused me hurt (not physical). Which made me angry. I had a bad start of the day with victim mindset and could not focus on job applications I had to do.

I have had many sessions like this, I end up doing bare minimum during the week and feel very frustrated that another week of my life is gone, when I tell therapist he wants me to have self-compassion.

But life is passing by. I don't want to waste 3 years sitting in bed. I want to work, have a productive routine, earn money which gives me confidence and makes me feel good about myself.

But this depression, trauma is not letting me move forward. I have done EFT (tapping) and found it unhelpful.

I agree with what you said @MustShowDH. Mindfulness makes me ruminate. Another new wave therapy which is very fashionable is Compassionate Focussed. Feel compassion for yourself at the expense of others.

Also, a friend became very self-absorbed after taking therapy. She had a complete change of personality. I told her about a major financial loss and all she could say was that she never had that kind of money, I told her about my depression and all she wanted to talk was how annoying she finds her male colleagues who like to talk a lot about women.

It has certainly helped me over the years but I'm still me; I've gradually learned how to accommodate certain issues and to think more positively about myself, kinder to myself but things happen in life that can set you back again.

It's very helpful to have someone neutral and kindly to talk to, who draws things out of you that you wouldn't say to anyone else. You have to find the right therapist though, there's no 'one size fits all'.

I'm having therapy atm, over 30 yrs too late I feel I'm on an amazing rollercoaster of an emotional ride, up, down, laughter, tears, understanding me, understanding that I am normal, learning I'm not the evil bitch that deserved to be abandoned as a baby, learning that I am suffering from PTSD I didn't even know I suffered but my body, reactions and mannerisms showed that one, it's all beginning to make sense, this post is as garbled as my head lol. I went into this knowing I had to be completely open and honest and go with it, It took me a long time to trust the therapist but this has to work, otherwise my next 30 years will be the same as my last 30 and that's such a waste of me

Yeah, hasn't helped me much because I think the issues which trigger the anxiety are always going to be there.