AIBU to say that pretty children are more popular regardless of personality

[mrsbeeton999]

And probably adults too. The popular kids at my children’s schools are very traditionally pretty and I’m quite sure they’re not the nicest or most fun children. Also looking back the really popular girls at uni were the flaky unreliable and quite shallow ones - but very pretty. Are we really that easily influenced by good looks?

YANBU.

Yes but I don't agree with the comment that good looking people are not necessarily nice.

The halo effect can be very influential even from a young age

Not sure about senior school and Uni because personalities do come much more into play.

But I remember primary school and both boys and girls would gravitate towards the really pretty girls.

Not so much with really good looking boys though, interestingly enough.

I've not found this to be the case. It seems the most popular are the most self assured and confident disregarding how they look

Worraliberty you’re right actually- the cheeky fun boys are more popular than the very handsome ones. I realise I was just thinking about girls.

Totally.agree. I do wonder why children/teachers don't wise-up to the personalities behind the beautiful facades.

In both primary and secondary school, the girls considered prettier were definitely given a pass/treated better by our peers. I definitely remember thinking it was very unfair even as a 7yr old that Emma/Claire/Lynsey/whoever all got noticeably different treatment because they didn’t have dodgy teeth/unkempt hair etc, and that they weren’t particularly funny or even that nice to their classmates to warrant this kind of VIP treatment

I'm going to be very controversial and say it's usually the white blonde haired blue eyed kids who were most popular in primary even though they weren't necessarily the prettiest.

In secondary, it was the loudest and most confident who were popular, definitely not the prettiest. Although everyone was always nice to the pretty girls.

I'd say Uni was a bit different, more to do with personalities. Pretty girls got noticed but weren't necessarily popular or deemed as fun to be around.

I agree it's the pretty girls who are the most popular. At my dd's school well, class, they are also funnily enough the 'clever' and confident girls too.
But they are very shallow and bitchy.
I'm often left amazed at how nasty 8/9year olds can be.

Agree. It always surprises me how popular DD is - she is beautiful but can be utterly horrible to her friends and peers (I've written about her issues here under various names). Other kids who are much nicer but less physically striking are in much less demand. This baffles me but I admit I am socially inept.

Yes and no- I’d say those that conform to a child’s idea of “pretty” are the most popular. Ie. Girls with long blonde hair- they may not actually be “pretty”

I think people do treat people with attractive faces more favourably. I also think that being confident about your appearance makes you more confident in yourself and this becomes a virtuous circle. There are people who don't have that advantage but somehow manage to push through and let their personality be bigger than their appearance.

For what it's worth, I think an attractive face has healthy proportions. Sadly, children who have health problems, particularly breathing problems, are more likely to have faces that grow differently - hence the term adenoid face, characteristic of children who breathe through their mouths because their adenoids are enflamed and they can't breathe through their noses.

At school, it was the prettiest girls that were the most popular. In my class, she was dark haired, dark eyes and a dazzling smile. Lovely personality too and very confidant.
At Uni, the prettiest girls didn’t have many friends. I felt sad for my beautiful friend, who would make heads turn but had hardly any friends and instead was subjected to rude and snide comments.
She has lots of friends now though, 20 years down the line and still beautiful.

I’ve actually noticed the opposite, to my surprise as I assumed the popular children would be the best looking ones.

DS is now in year 3 and it’s really noticeable that actually most of the children are gorgeous, in different ways but not so you could really say who was prettiest... and that of the two most popular girls, once is really decidedly odd looking and the other very very rotund dark skinned Asian girl (obviously not that this impacts on her looks, but as an above poster says it does tend to be the white blonde kids that people perceive as more attractive because racism). The second girl also has no play dates or ever comes to parties but is massively popular in class and in the playground.

It will be interesting to see if this changes up the school.

When I was a teenager was confidence and keeping up with the current fashions/trends that made you popular, no matter how unpleasant or ugly you were

Loads of the ‘popular’ kids were not good looking, and the less popular kids could be beautiful but if they were shy and wore unfashionable clothes then they were either invisible or a target for bullying

I can recognise this more from school because I don’t really know who is popular in dc’s class. I mean they all gave nice friends.

But at school a certain type would have more popularity, others struggled more.

Maybe young but at uni it’s all about personality

Yes, better looking people have it easier. In school employment almost any level of life

Isnt it the same for adults as well?

People gravitate towards those who look appealing. Even babies gaze longer at attractive people compared to unattractive people.

Definitely. Our society is still based on looks.

At my school it wasn't the most attractive people that were popular, it was the confident outgoing cheeky kids that were.

Could be different now though. DS is only 6 so not an issue yet!

I don’t think you can generalise. Being good looking does smooth the way a bit, but it doesn’t necessarily result in popularity. There are a couple of very pretty girls in my youngest dd’s class who are very unpopular, due to their petulant behaviour & friendship issues

Certainly wasn't the case in my high school, I remember always wondering why the girls who were most popular were most popular as they were ugly in personality and certainly weren't special in looks, came down to confidence though I think. Primary school..? I don't really remember there being cliques in primary school and not sure if there are in DC's school.

Most little girls are pretty. I think you mean confident and self assured.