AIBU to say that pretty children are more popular regardless of personality

[mrsbeeton999]

And probably adults too. The popular kids at my children’s schools are very traditionally pretty and I’m quite sure they’re not the nicest or most fun children. Also looking back the really popular girls at uni were the flaky unreliable and quite shallow ones - but very pretty. Are we really that easily influenced by good looks?

Not in my experience in secondary schools.

There's a "popular girl" look that tends to be part of being in a popular clique, which is really nothing more than those who appear cool and people will tend not to get involved with them, but they're not all universally liked. The look changes every few years, usually linked to makeup trends.

Then there's those who are well liked by lots of people and they tend to be middle of the road looks wise, but very friendly, wearing a smile, good manners, behave in a way that shows kindness to others.

My dc is only 6 but for now at our school it’s definitely the louder more confident and adventurous children of both sexes that are most popular. They’re all races and all kinds of physical looks.

There's definitely a correlation between attractiveness & popularity.

Will no doubt get flamed for this but...

Those posters saying "my DD/DS is gorgeous/stunning/pretty but isn't really popular at school" your opinion of your own child's attractiveness is highly subjective & while you may think they are gorgeous/stunning/pretty the rest of society most likely think they're average at best which may account for the lack of popularity.

As a formerly pretty person (now apparently too old this invisible) I’d say that despite never being one to get glammed up, never used a blow-drier in my life nor did my fingernails, I did get the good seats in restaurants, got better service in shops, men wanted to help me more with literal heavy lifting. But then again, at work women bullied me and nice men thought I wasn’t approachable (I’m hopeless with men and don’t know when they’re interested & friends will point it out and I’ll say “oh, that was interest?”) so I’ve attracted wrong ‘uns. So being pretty and thin hasn’t done me any appreciable good, nor my kids.

Likewise, I have read studies that this continues into the work place and more worryingly are more likely to be higher paid than their more able but less attractive peers. Same goes for tall men but can’t remember if this also applied to tall women.

Re pp yes agree aren’t we more likely to find our own dc pretty / attractive no matter what

Natasha, point taken, but people were always saying I should get my daughter into modelling till she stopped growing at 5”4, and people still tell my son he should model (6”1) but he’s horrified at the thought. My kids are objectively good-looking (& good people).

I'm not sure this is true throughout the whole of life. I went to university with a very beautiful, lovely person. I think he got to about the age of 30 without ever being asked out on a date. She was so beautiful every single bloke felt that they would have no chance with her and wouldn't summon up the courage to ask her out.

At school the popular kids tend to fit a really narrow beauty standard. What that standard is depends on the area. My school growing up was 98% Indian from a specific region - the most popular boys were those who could pass for white (but weren’t white). So light skinned, light eyed, and under 5 ft 7. However the preferred female beauty standard at the time was linked to Fresh Prince / Cosby Show so the most popular girls were those who could pass for mixed race (but weren’t actually mixed race) - eg thin, long hair, dark skin. Anyone who didn’t fit these extremes was considered weird.

I agree with @sirfredfredgeorge. Who’s judging, and by what criteria?

I think small kids often have terrible taste in looks. The looks of the girls considered pretty (including by me) in my schooldays didn’t survive into adulthood, just as the ones considered talented (the singers/dancers etc) have not generally troubled the music scene.

Those of us who went under the radar often turned out rather well. One rather overlooked child in my DS’s class is clearly going to be absolutely ravishing as an adult.

What I’m trying to say is that in my experience school pecking orders, whether in looks, personality or perceived talent, bear no resemblance to anything that happens in later life.

I always chuckle when I see people rush to declare their DC as gorgeous (according to who?) or that being blond haired and blue eyes are what it takes to be pretty ( I’ve seen many unattractive people with those attributes).

In any case I’ve yet to see an ‘unattractive’ 6 year old. They’re all lovely with their youthful energy and carefreeness. I don’t recall even noticing who was ‘pretty’ at school. The most popular kids were the confident and funny ones.

I agree that being pretty/handsome means people are nicer to you & assume you are a better person/trustworthy etc.
However I don't think that necessarily relates to popularity, most popular primary school kids are the ones who are confident, funny, cheeky, cute etc. At secondary its also about confidence & following whatever is fashionable. Most models say there were outcasts at school plus often very pretty children peak in their youth if that makes sense whereas other people grow into their features.

There are also still some very narrow beauty standards bandied about eg people say my child is beautiful with blonde hair & blue eyes or has big brown eyes. Those features in themselves don't make for a beautiful face.

Plenty of people are lovely who are physically attractive, but yes, being attractive helps one's popularity. There've been studies on this.

There was an episode of a Child of our Time which covered this. Photos of a class of children on the wall and they were asked who they’d want to be friends with.
Overwhelmingly they chose pretty children, and specifically the white, blonde haired pretty children.
I remember one child saying she wouldn’t pick one girl because she was fat.

YABU

Looks and popularity have nothing in common.

My eldest is what society traditionally sees as beautiful. Big blue eyes, blonde hair. As a baby strangers would stop and comment on how pretty she was. She is also kind and polite. She really struggles socially. Her life has been made a misery by bullies since she was 5.

One of her bullies has chronic psoriasis and jam jar glasses. Another one is obese.

I don't like to judge other women but blonde/blue eyed does not necessarily = beautiful

It's scientifically proven that pretty/good looking people have an easier time of life in general.

This^
Personal anecdotes don’t refute the numerous studies which show attractive people are treated better

I think better looking people end up earning more as well, as do taller people. Being pretty brings lots of advantages.

I agree with that @runescape however I don't necessarily think that means being popular at school.

What a vile thread...oh my blonde haired beautiful child is deffo favoured do you know how cringe you sound?!' Seriously.....whether you think there is any truth in it or not read back how 🙈that sounds

Nope, I've always been popular, even now as a thirty something woman. I am definitely not, and never have been conventionally beautiful think ginger hair and glasses. Braces for most of my teen years
Maybe i just have awesome pheromones or something

lego exactly and I have kids with blond hair and dark hair and would never look and think ones prettier than the other.

It's not vile. The OP isn't necessarily right though. Confident children tend to have better social skills which make their social capital higher.

Exactly, it's all over this thread @LolaDabestest.

I agree Lola. I thought nothing of it when my blue eyed blonde baby got compliments. All babies are cute. But my second born never received a compliment as a baby, ever. I felt sorry for her as in my eyes she was beautiful, so why the different attitude towards her?

It’s never occurred to me until this thread, but my second child is friendly, confident and easy going. She is by far the more popular of the two.

Which goes completely against the OPs post.