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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to say that pretty children are more popular regardless of personality

94 replies

mrsbeeton999 · 10/11/2019 19:50

And probably adults too. The popular kids at my children’s schools are very traditionally pretty and I’m quite sure they’re not the nicest or most fun children. Also looking back the really popular girls at uni were the flaky unreliable and quite shallow ones - but very pretty. Are we really that easily influenced by good looks?

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 10/11/2019 20:46

Not at my school, but then we were all girls. It was the sporty ones, or the funny ones. I don’t remember us even thinking or talking about looks until we were 17 or 18, but then I was in the nerdy group 😂

TheReluctantCountess · 10/11/2019 20:47

Yup, I think it’s true.

NightsOfCabiria · 10/11/2019 20:52

@KatherineJaneway that’s such a touching clip.

jlgsy94 · 10/11/2019 20:53

YANBU, but as a side thought, who the hell gets to decide whether a person is considered pretty or not??

Hoppinggreen · 10/11/2019 20:56

Depends I think
DD has always been seen as pretty since being about 3 and now she’s 14 she really does get a lot of attention BUT she is quite shy and quiet and doesn’t like attention, especially the “wrong” sort of attention iyswim? She also has some trust issues around the fact that she feels some people want to be friends with her because of the way she looks and boys who try and befriend usually end up asking her out. The “cool” girls at school constantly try and recruit her into their clique and can get a bit catty with her when she’s not interested.
She has a nice group of friends but I wouldn’t say she’s ever been popular either at Primary or Secondary, I think a lot if it is down to personality and she’s never found it easy to make friends or fit in well in groups and her looks have never made it any easier.

SallyWD · 10/11/2019 20:59

I really don't agree. Thinking about my own school days and my kids school the popular people were never particularly beautiful. It was more about confidence, being fashionable, being "cool" etc.

FacebookRager · 10/11/2019 21:04

Primary? Yes. Secondary? Sort of. There are 4 types in secondary that I've found. Very pretty mean girls, very pretty nice girls, not so pretty mean girls and not so pretty nice girls.

Everything works out for Very pretty mean girls. They get the extra attention from teachers, get away with being horrible people and doing really nasty stuff and Not so pretty mean girls also do well, as in they get away with being horrible too though more like the teachers have given up rather than turning a blind eye.

The nice ones often lose out. DD is a stunner but not confident or mean so she's overlooked and ignored generally.

sirfredfredgeorge · 10/11/2019 21:12

What exactly do "not pretty" and "not good looking" 8 year olds look like? I'm more interested in that there are loads of adults deciding on the attractiveness of little kids - what values do you use?

It can't be adult sexual ones, so what is it? Some sort of personal view of what is most "angelic" or what? I don't get it, kids are kids they look different from each other, but it's completely different to adult attractiveness? What is the scale that everyone seems to agree on?

As others have said, outgoing confidence is what mostly tends to influence popularity, not looks.

Mammyloveswine · 10/11/2019 21:23

My youngest is stunning, white blonde hair, huge dark blue-grey eyes and a smile that will melt anyone... he gets a far easier ride from family compared to his older brother (who is still gorgeous but has a lazy eye, mousy brown hair.. etc) even tho the little one can be a total sod!

SoftBlocks · 10/11/2019 21:25

No. It’s the confident ones.

Ritascornershop · 10/11/2019 21:27

God no, in my experience it’s the confident ones. And even then they are often “popular” in their own minds and to the teachers, but not popular in terms of having more friends. My daughter is gorgeous but very shy and anxious as a kid and teenager. She only had a few friends, but so did the so-called popular kids (who tended to start inter-friend bullying as well as picking on my daughter). The “popular ones” at her school were not the sort of kid where anyone not related would think of them as having pretty faces. I hope they’ve acquired prettier personalities with time.

My son was less shy than his sister but not terribly confident. Adults describe him as “tall, dark, and handsome” and Byronesque. They’ve both got the big eyes, lovely cheekbones thing down. Both didn’t have a ton of friends but they had loyal friends and that’s what mattered.

For my part I guess I was a bit more outgoing so had lots of friends, but was never in the power group that the teachers seemed to worship. I think the kids pick up on the schools’ lauding of the kids who win the sports trophies, so if you’re arty you don’t feel valued and notice (& worry about) why some kids are ranked as popular. I feel like I spent about 10 years saying to my kids “popular with whom? They’re not popular with you, or Katie, or David, or Kim, or Liam”.

june2007 · 10/11/2019 21:28

I think studies have found this to be true. As a speies we are pretty shallow.

emilybrontescorsett · 10/11/2019 21:29

I agree.
I think being white, blonde, blue eyed and petite is what gives people an easier ride.

MarshaBradyo · 10/11/2019 21:30

I’d say tall is a bonus, well it was at our school.

I can’t really comment on the dc school no idea

KatherineJaneway · 10/11/2019 21:31

@NightsOfCabiria

It really touched me because of his honesty.

dimsum123 · 10/11/2019 21:31

Absolutely. We're no different to the rest of the animal kingdom.

IndieTara · 10/11/2019 21:33

I don't agree. My DD is 10 and really pretty, but brunette and brown haired. But she's also quite shy and def not in the popular group

SunshineAngel · 10/11/2019 21:37

It's not just children. It's scientifically proven that pretty/good looking people have an easier time of life in general.

chillandrelax · 10/11/2019 21:40

Pretty people may have an easier time but they aren't always the most popular. I believe confidence makes you popular.

Thescrewinthetuna · 10/11/2019 21:41

It is the case at any age, even adulthood that attractive people are more popular and get treated better than ‘ugly’ or plain people.

ELM8 · 10/11/2019 21:42

True, and I think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy when that happens at a young age as you get used to being liked/popular and so that continues as you get older.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 10/11/2019 21:43

Yabu my dd is gorgeous blonde hair eyes she is such a kind natured little girl.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 10/11/2019 21:43

I work in a school and it's the confident,cheeky, mouthy ones that are the most popular by far

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/11/2019 21:46

It seems the most popular are the most self assured and confident disregarding how they look Works both ways. Being popular helps with self confidence, being unpopular dents your self confidence.

NailsNeedDoing · 10/11/2019 21:48

This isn't true of primary school children in the classes I've worked in. There are very pretty, kind, lovely children I can think of that struggle with friendships, and plenty more that aren't particularly attractive that are popular. In the latter group, I can think of a few that aren't even very nice to their friends and they still seem to be popular. I think confidence has more to do with it than looks.