Husband refusing sex because he wants to build his legs up......

[HesNotIntoMeIsHe]

He needs energy for the gym. Having sex makes his legs weak and he is trying to build them up. He has been a regular gym goer for years and is already quite built up.

WIB an idiot to fall for this?

My initial thought was roids and that he has performance issues because of taking them.

I think we need a detailed explanation (with diagram a la parking threads) of exactly what he does during sex that makes his legs weak.

Does he hand from the ceiling by his ankles? Stand on one leg and hold you up off the ground?

I think we should be told.

You beat me to it, Piglet. I was about to suggest standing up.

Of course OP's husband can turn down sex for any reason (as can we all). If it becomes a habitual, long term thing though, equally OP is entitled to say she doesn't see doing without sex as conducive to her emotional well being and ask where they go next.

Has to be steroids

Do you think he migh have cheated and he's caught a STD so he's avoiding sex until the STD clears up?

I know lots of sportspeople and/or gym people. Im fact, my main gym training partner became World Champion in her event just a few weeks ago. None of these people avoid sex on a routine basis because it "makes their legs weak". He's definitely lying...the question is why?

Anyone watched Rocky? "Women weaken legs", Micky reckons.

But in all seriousness, I'd suspect steroid use too. Especially as he's been going to the gym for a while, and the sex thing has only just now appeared as a 'problem'.

Or maybe he's been reading some bullshit articles or taking dumb advice about sex affecting stamina??

I think your suspicions could be right, what's to say another woman isn't with him.
You don't trust him if you have to follow him. In 31 years I've never had to search for my dh or be suspicious.
Trust your instincts, if it isn't fitness drugs then it' ow, sorry.

If this is the first time he has said this, think you are over reacting. He may just have not fancied having sex at that time. Are you being a bit sensitive?

No he does alternate between upper and lower body Otter. It's just his legs he uses as an excuse for.

Slight drip feed but he is very buff for his age. I'm not due to 5DC and stomach muscles being wrecked. I feel very inferior to him sadly and sometimes feel when we are intimate it's more of a duty. I get the feeling he's gearing up for his last wind as he's upped the ante in the gym. Have suspected historic cheating in the past but not sure if that was due to my inferiority complex and paranoia as other women have shown blatant interest over the years but I had nothing firm to go on apart from that. I sometimes can't believe he hasn't cheated on me tbh.

We have lacked intimacy for years and I have made efforts to change that but he's just not into it.

Last night he didn't come up until 1am, didn't have a shower before he got into bed which was out of character. He's definitely avoiding intimacy.

I feel like shit.

Excuses vary between him being 'too tired' after sitting downstairs on his phone until long after I've gone to bed

I'm thinking porn?

If he was on steroids I'd expect aggressive behavior, violent tendencies, more arguing but there's none of that. He's happy enough and not behaving any differently with DC.

Sounds like he’s having a mid life crisis, realised he’s getting older and is trying very hard to slow down the process by working out hard? I see many men like this at the gym.

I go to the gym every day, work on my legs most days but I still manage to have sex 🤔.

Ask him. If he can't be honest (he's obviously not being right now) and communicate openly then you at least know for sure that your relationship is in trouble. Tell him that.

Sounds to me like the legs are an excuse, gym work outs usually boost a mans sex drive because they stimulate the production of testosterone and make him feel better about himself generally. I train regularly and I've never heard anyone say that having sex weakens your leg muscles - that's ridiculous.

You obviously have problems with intimacy generally, this could be down to any of the reasons other posters have suggested - steroids, porn ,ow, etc etc but one thing it is not down to is his legs. You need to call him out on this and try and have a serious talk about what the real issue is.

He is allowed to refuse though and doesn't owe you an explanation

Are you for real? He is her husband. Damn right he owes her an explanation if he is withdrawing intimacy. And no doubt expecting her not to have sex with anyone else. Is she just meant to go without sex forever now? Like some dried up old Husk? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Op, you need to sit him down and really talk about this. He's 51, not 91. This is really not on and I wouldn't be having it. You can't be in a monogamous relationship with someone and withdraw sex, and just expect the other person to accept that. Completely unreasonable.

Have you checked his phone/e-mails/social media?

I’ve got suspicion at one end of my scale. Might he be leaving the phone at the gym and popping out for a couple of hours? At the other end might he genuinely just not be up for it and is declining as politely as possible?

I’ve now got ads for buff gym dudes appearing on my phone though, so that’s an unexpected bonus.

Are you for real? He is her husband. Damn right he owes her an explanation if he is withdrawing intimacy

What? Do people owe their spouses sex then? It's up to the op what she decides to do. She has the choice to leave the marriage if lack of sex is a deal breaker. Neither husband nor wife owes their spouse sex and neither should be pressured into it to keep their partner happy.

What? Do people owe their spouses sex then?

Of course they do!

Not on demand, but in general, yes of course.

You can't say to your spouse, "I'm not going to have sex with you any more. Don't ask me why. And don't seek sex elsewhere"

Bonkers!

You can't say to your spouse, "I'm not going to have sex with you any more. Don't ask me why. And don't seek sex elsewhere"

Well of course you can say it. You can't enforce it and you can't compel them to remain in the relationship but you can certainly choose to never have sex with them again.

Do people owe their spouses sex then?

They owe a mature conversation about it anyway, not just continued avoidance and bullshit lies as an excuse.

They owe a mature conversation about it anyway, not just continued avoidance and bullshit lies as an excuse.

Isn't "I don't want to" enough though? What if you don't know why, you just don't?

It's a cover up for something else OP. You need to get to the truth asap, don't let this bubble and explode.

Why don't you exercise your legs and let him just lie there. Is that an option?