To want to fall asleep in silence?

[polkastripe]

My partner and I have been "living together" for six weeks but he's only actually home every other weekend due to work and study. He's back now for a week, came home on Thursday. I have a (very demanding and currently unwell) twelve month old son from my previous relationship, my new partner doesn't help me at all with him but will sometimes give me a lift to drop him off/pick him up from the childminder.

Last night he wanted to watch a film in bed and put one on Netflix on the tv. It was getting late and my son wakes at 7am, it takes me a long time to get to sleep too, I asked him to turn it off as I needed to get to sleep or else I would be very tired the following day. He said that I had to compromise because he likes to fall asleep with the tv on (this is only a new thing that he's suddenly came up with) but I said that I really struggle to sleep with it on. I said that if he had work in the morning and I was doing something that was preventing him from sleeping, he would be very upset.

He said that sleep deprivation is part of motherhood and that when I wake up I can come downstairs and "chill" and that I can still make a cup of tea and go on my phone and it's not at all like having to go to work.

I'm struggling with single motherhood. I'm postnatally depressed and he knows this, he's apologised for his comment about motherhood but I feel as if he's only apologised to save an argument.

Should I just stay quiet about him wanting to watch the TV to fall asleep? AIBU to think he's being unfair?

Buy a set of headphones and a headphone extension wire. He can use those whilst you snooze off.

Is it weird, his parents wanting my son and I to move in?

Yes, I think so. Especially as he is only there himself every other weekend!

Where is he the rest of the time op?

What was your living situation before?

@AlexaAmbidextra

You are using this man for accommodation because this is the best financial option for you.
If the sexes were reversed the comments would be quite harsh.
He doesn't sound a very nice man or a sensible person to be living with when you have a young dc.
Moving in with such a young dc isn't sensible full stop.
You need to pause and take a look at how you can support yourself and your dc without relying on a man you hardly know.

I know my boyfriend and his parents very well. We have been good friends since 2014. His parents made it clear to my boyfriend that if the relationship were to break down then my son and I would not be kicked out.

They are not strangers. They are people I've known for almost six years.

I'm not using him, as I have said previously, I love him. I live with him because I love him. Moving in was accelerated though, due to my living situation.

You're totally reliant on their goodwill though. That's not a secure place to be.

Headphones??

For him I mean, not you. Surely he can put netflix on his laptop and wear headphones

It is not unreasonable to want to go to sleep in silence but it's not really unreasonable for him to want to not have silence. If you can sleep in another room you may have to do this. As a previous poster suggested you should consider deferring your midwifery degree at the minute, it is an extremely demanding course as you have to work shifts and attend uni. Shifts have to work with whatever mentor you are given which can be tricky with children to consider. How will you work around sleeping after night shifts etc? Which you have to do as part of the course. Often rotas are given with short notice too. Mentally it's extremely challenging too and you need to be 100% yourself before considering it. Midwifery degree courses have a high drop out rate and it's usually due to people's life circumstances, I say this as someone who has done the course with children.

Ugh had this battle with my DH for the whole first year of our relationship. I bought a black sleep mask and some ear plugs and luckily he eventually learned how to fall asleep without tv. But it sucked!! And that was before kids. He should def use headphones and you should get a sleep mask. Hopefully it works out!