Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Aibu to not go? Re birthday party

128 replies

Raisingwildanimals · 10/11/2019 08:04

DD has been invited to her first ever school friend birthday party. It’s this afternoon and I had planned to go to the shops to pick up a card and small gift on the way to the party. It’s been one of those weeks where I’ve barely had time to wee let alone nip to the shops. Problem being, I’ve just double checked my bank and I’ve got 37p so not enough to buy anything (pay day is tomorrow so not an issue in regards to anything else) I don’t want to seem rude by not getting a gift for this girl so I’d rather not go. DD isn’t that bothered and swears she doesn’t know the girl anyway as it’s a big class. Wibu to go to the party with no gift or card or wib even more u to not go to the party?

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 10/11/2019 08:52

Just make a card and go. I wouldn’t notice if you had brought my child a present or not.

highheelsandweathercocks · 10/11/2019 08:52

I feel your pain OP, I've been there. It's not fun.

You've RSVP'd. Go. Most of the time there's a gift table that you just put your present on, we hardly ever hand it to the birthday child or parent these days. Just take your daughter, then catch the parent and just say that life has been manic and you haven't had time to get out and get a gift yet. I guarantee that the parent won't mind at all. I like the idea of making a card, because that shows some effort.
DS2's party this year, the thing he loved most when we opened everything at home afterwards was the card made by one of his friends. It was covered in stickers, drawings and writing and clearly had no parental input to curb any of it. It was amazing. He spent ages looking at it.
We've forgotten gifts genuinely, I've been in the same position as you and have just given it a few days late, and we've had other people give to us late. It's really not the big deal you think it is.

BeanBag7 · 10/11/2019 08:53

Agree with PPs, if you have A4 paper and a felt tip you can make a card.

Do you have anything that could be regifted? A packet of sweets in the back of the cupboard? A book your DD hasn't read much?

Mumdiva99 · 10/11/2019 08:55

Just go. Take a card - homemade. Tell them gift will follow. It's fine.

Bluetrews25 · 10/11/2019 08:56

Is it a whole class party? Sounds like it if DD doesn't even know the kid.
If it's pay per head, then Mum will pay the balance depending on how many actually turn up, surely? It used to work like this 20 yrs ago, IIRC. So you won't cost her money by not going. You would cost her more if you did go!
If you decide not to go, please message in advance and apologise.
If you do go and use the 'forgot the gift' excuse, think about it - would you really remember the card and forget the gift? When the card is usually taped to the gift?

noenergy · 10/11/2019 08:56

I have genuinely forgot to pick up the present before rushing out to many parties with 3 DC.

fedup21 · 10/11/2019 08:57

Have you RSVPd?

ThatMuppetShow · 10/11/2019 08:58

good grief, there's always a couple of parents at least who forget to bring a gift at my kids parties! They usually either run out and get one during the party - one is especially bad for that, despite us telling them to REALLY not bother, or they bring a gift a few days later.

If you can't borrow a couple of £ and get a poundshop book and a pack of sweets or something, bring something else another day, give one of your child's gift, or just don't bother with the present at all.

If there are only 3 or 4 little guests, that makes it more difficult to not give anything at all than if it's a class party - but on the day? Who cares.

Elbeagle · 10/11/2019 08:58

If it's pay per head, then Mum will pay the balance depending on how many actually turn up, surely?

Any pay per head parties we’ve hosted have been paid on the number booked for, not the number who have actually turned up.

ThatMuppetShow · 10/11/2019 08:59

If it's pay per head, then Mum will pay the balance depending on how many actually turn up, surely?

no, you don't usually get a discount if one doesn't turn up .

Bythepath · 10/11/2019 09:00

My DC had a party yesterday. One child turned up with no gift and the parent said they had ordered it but not arrived. I didnt care, my DC didnt even notice (and this was small party of 5 friends) as they just were so pleased to see their friend. If the present arrives at school in the week its a bonus for my DC if not i wouldnt even notice.

Pipsandpops · 10/11/2019 09:06

You can’t just not turn up if you have said she is going.
Just say you forgot to bring her card and give it her at school in the week.

chocatoo · 10/11/2019 09:07

V rude not to go. Birthday child will probably be disappointed. Homemade card sounds really nice. I would probably say we’d left gift at home or that it had been ordered and not yet arrived. Or could you make some birthday cookies/cakes to take?

RuggerHug · 10/11/2019 09:12

Go, it's way worse to just not show/cancel last minute. Either find something to regift or as pp said apologise for forgetting the card and hand it over tomorrow. Or have you any change in the house you could switch for a note in a shop?

Mumofone2001 · 10/11/2019 09:12

For my son's birthday he got a Preloved teddy for his present, it's now his favourite toy and I just assumed the woman giving it was eco-concious! Definitely go and regift, don't worry at all and enjoy the party!

ittakes2 · 10/11/2019 09:13

Honestly - the mum would much prefer you came without a present than not go at all. She would have catered for your daughter. When presents arrive at class parties they come in thick and fast - I honestly never notice if someone has given a present or not and really don't care - its about the kids enjoying themselves.
I would go with a card with a chocolate bar inside and say Amazon has not yet delivered the present and your daughter will bring it to school next week.

musicinspring1 · 10/11/2019 09:15

Agree with others it’s rude not to go as the parents will have planned for your DD to be there. I would just apologise and say you accidentally left gift at home and will give in the week - no one will care x

springcomeround · 10/11/2019 09:21

I’ve had plenty of people forget a present and bring it later over the years . Some people have never given anything - I’d personally be embarrassed to do that - but if there are lots of invitees it’s unlikely they’ll notice . I’d vote for the sorry forgot it - bring tomorrow approach. Don’t just not turn up

DC3dilemma · 10/11/2019 09:35

Sometimes I just make a gift bag of unused craft stuff for these things...do you have anything like that?

Makegoodchoices · 10/11/2019 09:39

I don’t remember what gifts people did/didn’t bring to the DCs birthday but I definitely remember the ones that didn’t turn up on the day after I’d paid for them to attend.

The main goal of throwing a party is not to receive gifts but for your child to have fun with their friends. Parents usually don’t worry about cards & presents.

AntiHop · 10/11/2019 09:39

Definitely go. Get her a present another time.

20viona · 10/11/2019 09:42

Definitely go and give gift tomorrow.

Mulhollandmagoo · 10/11/2019 09:44

I would go to the party, and then take the gift and card tomorrow to school, say you completely forgot to pick it up and bring it to the party. I think kids party's are usually really manic and noone would notice you slip in without a gift!

Slappadabass · 10/11/2019 09:44

I never expect presents, I'd happily have people come with just a card.

If your that bothered though, turn up and say you have forgotten the card and will take it into school tomorrow when you have been paid X

Mulhollandmagoo · 10/11/2019 09:48

An if you don't want to 'forget' ordering it online and it not arriving yet is a good one too!!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread