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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not go? Re birthday party

128 replies

Raisingwildanimals · 10/11/2019 08:04

DD has been invited to her first ever school friend birthday party. It’s this afternoon and I had planned to go to the shops to pick up a card and small gift on the way to the party. It’s been one of those weeks where I’ve barely had time to wee let alone nip to the shops. Problem being, I’ve just double checked my bank and I’ve got 37p so not enough to buy anything (pay day is tomorrow so not an issue in regards to anything else) I don’t want to seem rude by not getting a gift for this girl so I’d rather not go. DD isn’t that bothered and swears she doesn’t know the girl anyway as it’s a big class. Wibu to go to the party with no gift or card or wib even more u to not go to the party?

OP posts:

cochineal7 · 10/11/2019 08:34

I would never mind someone not bringing a gift. But I don’t like people not showing up without good reason.

DidntLikeRugbyAnyway · 10/11/2019 08:35

It’s rude not to go after you’ve rsvp’d. Get your dd to make a card and pretend you’ve left the present at home. Drop a present into school when you can.

Straycatstrut · 10/11/2019 08:35

Most important thing is turning up - that's the the thing I most worry about when inviting my kids friends to a party - all my kids want to see is their friends faces walking in. I don't expect gifts at all.

Get a card. Say you left the present at home and will bring it to school the next day but honestly if these people are decent they'll just be relieved you turned up!

Straycatstrut · 10/11/2019 08:35

Sorry make a card I meant. Much nicer anyway.

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 10/11/2019 08:36

Make the card, accidentally ‘forget’ the gift. I genuinely forget the pressie sometimes in the rush to leave and no one has ever batted an eyelid. Pls don’t worry, no one will notice if it’s a big party.

plunkplunkfizz · 10/11/2019 08:37

What if lots of people did the same? That would be horrible for the birthday girl.

I’m sorry to say that I’m surprised you even have to ask or are considering just not going at the last minute. It’s the height of bad manners.

BlueLadybird · 10/11/2019 08:38

You should definitely go!

If it’s a big party the lack of gifts probably won’t be noticed. If smaller and you’re planning to buy something later just say ‘sorry manic week, present to follow!’

Saxineno · 10/11/2019 08:38

In this situation I have forgotten to bring the gift and taken it in the next day at home time.

CalleighDoodle · 10/11/2019 08:38

Id be pissed off if you didnt show. Your place is already paid for at this point.

Why not take a card / gift to school next week?

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 10/11/2019 08:38

Plunk, I’m guessing you’ve never had 37ptil pay day... it’s mortifying, embarrassing and makes you panic. Be kind.

measureformeasure · 10/11/2019 08:39

I agree with previous posters. Just go and say you "forgot" the present.

If I was the host of the party I'd much rather you came with no present than not at all. I'd also be mortified if you got into debt to buy a present. The party I'm putting on is for the children to enjoy not for parents to feel guilty over getting a gift. TBH if it's a big class party the birthday child will not even notice a missing present, they'll have so many.

Osquito · 10/11/2019 08:40

I’d personally be annoyed if someone didn’t show last minute (without reasonable explanation), rather than show with no gift. Kids just want their friends to come to the party!

A hand drawn card off your child would be sweet, and if you are truly bothered by not giving something then do what pp have said (pretend you left it on counter, then give one in through school this week).

NailsNeedDoing · 10/11/2019 08:40

It would be really rude to fail to turn up having accepted the invitation. It makes no difference that it's a big class, your dd will have been catered for, and what if everyone else did the same?

Just say you forgot to pick up the present and give it at school.

MoreCuddlesForMummy · 10/11/2019 08:40

I’d also “forget” the gift and get it dropped off at school pick up in a couple of days time

Elbeagle · 10/11/2019 08:40

I’d be more annoyed at someone not turning up, or cancelling last minute, than someone not bringing a gift.

diddl · 10/11/2019 08:41

" DD isn’t that bothered and swears she doesn’t know the girl anyway as it’s a big class."

Shame that that conversation wasn't had before the invitation was accepted!

plunkplunkfizz · 10/11/2019 08:41

Wheredidigowrongggggg I was homeless for four months in my twenties so there are times I would have dreamed of having 37p to buy a Freddo bar or a clean drink.

Manners cost nothing. Send the child to the party and telling a tiny white lie is the right thing to do.

dontcallmeduck · 10/11/2019 08:42

I’d go. A present isn’t mandatory and i throw my children parties for them to have fun with their friends not for the presents. Either explain your situation if you know the parent will be kind, say you’ve forgotten the present, make your own card or just sneak in and say nothing. Your DD and the birthday child will be missing out by not going.

YabaDabaBoo · 10/11/2019 08:42

I genuinely have forgotten to take a present. I just took it into school the Monday after the party. It happens, just tell her you’ve forgotten and get her something tomorrow to give after school

ZenNudist · 10/11/2019 08:44

Say you forgot, send it in the week.
If it were me Id not care about present but be pissed off if you didnt come.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 10/11/2019 08:44

Of course let your dd go to the party.
Say you left the gift on the kitchen table and will send it in to school during the week.

Namedecisions · 10/11/2019 08:47

Make a card if you can. Do you have a book that is in reasonable condition that your DD has been read (so won’t miss it) that you could wrap? If not then just go with the card. I wouldn’t have cared anyone turning up to my DC parties without a card/present, but if you feel uncomfortable with that then go with a card - doesn’t have to be a card, just a folded up piece of paper with your DD’s drawing or stamps on, or decorate with any stickers etc. You can then decide whether to buy a present and give it to her later this week if you wish.
I would say it is rude to not just turn up to party after RSVP, but is not rude to turn up without a present.

Ginfordinner · 10/11/2019 08:48

I'm with everyone else. It is very rude to just not turn up. I am one of the few people on mumsnet who would find the excuse about no present an acceptable one and would feel bad if you had to lie about it.

Please take your daughter to this party.

scittlescatter · 10/11/2019 08:50

Since you have accepted the invite, and it's today, it would be rude to just not turn up.

I would go with a card and a toy or book which you have and is in good condition, or say you forgot the present and will bring it next week. Or just go with a card. I doubt anyone would notice or care.

Diy2019 · 10/11/2019 08:51

My ds had his birthday party recently and two parents said they had forgot the card and left it at home by mistake. It really didn't bother me or ds, we were just glad that the kids came

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