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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be outraged that people still think its okay to use 'smacking' as a form of discipline for children?

139 replies

Dabbles · 18/08/2007 20:14

It is seriously disgustign that people still think this is okay. It is not okay. what message does it steach the child? (its okay to hit someone if they dont do what you tell them?)

and for an adult who is physically so much bigger and stronger to hit a child? omg, serioulsy peopl wake the fuck up... it is NOT OKAY!

OP posts:
aprilmeadow · 18/08/2007 23:15

I was smacked as a child and i didnt go around smacking other kids or adults for that matter!

We will smack (lightly tap on the hand) our ds as and when it is needed. Not something we do on a regular basis and we do feel crap afterwards, but sometimes reasoning and shouting gets you no where. I certainly dont think that i am a 'shite' parent as one of you over dramatic lot said.

If you love, feed, clothe, support, encourage and provide somewhere for your child/ren to grow then i dont see how you can be called shite.

Drama classes resume in September!

SueBaroo · 18/08/2007 23:16

Oh, yes and 'wake the fuck up' is the in vogue method of counselling from Sure Start, I believe. Works a treat.

Nightynight · 18/08/2007 23:16

Stop starting threads with titles like this, they hardly encourage reasoned discussion.

aviatrix · 18/08/2007 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SueBaroo · 18/08/2007 23:20

I had the crap kicked out of me as a child and all the way up to my teens.

Some self-righteous woman gasping about it would have made not one tiny bit of difference to that. If my parents had been reasonable people, it would have made them even more afraid to ask anyone for help or advice.

Win win, eh Dabbles?

smeeinit · 18/08/2007 23:21
mamazon · 18/08/2007 23:24

absolultey Sue.

it is attitudes such as those displayed in this thread that prevents many parents who are finding things difficult and resorting to smacking getting help.

they wish to seek alternative ways of discipline but are too afraid of the disgusting attitudes and judgments made by pathetic ignorant people to actually admit they are stuggling.

CountTo10 · 18/08/2007 23:27

Aviatrix - you're totally right and we can all hopefully find better ways to discipline it's just some people think the d word is a dirty one never mind the whole smacking thing. All I know is that even without the smacking and shouting thing, my mum was very strict. This meant though that out of all my peers (most of which came from very well to do backgrounds) i had the best manners, worked hardest at school, did as I was told, every parent wanted me as their child's friend and have never found cause to use the c word!!

mamazon · 18/08/2007 23:32

having worked with many many families over teh years i can state quite clearly that teh children that were smacked ( and i mean smacked as a form of disciplin not abuse which is a very different thing indeed) were teh families that actually cared for their children and whose children were the least likely to be put on ASBO's.

they cared enough about their children to want them not to get into trouble, to learn manners and not break the law.
there are of course many other methods that we would all rather adopt but for some this is a method that works for their family.

smacking is not abuse. you have no right to minimise real abuse by comparing the two

sparklygothkat · 18/08/2007 23:37

I was smacked as a child, I am not fucked up at all, we are all well adjusted people. My old neighbours allowed their children to do what they want, they all ended up in prison. I do smack my kids, just only as a last resort. I have 3 kids, 1 with Cerebral palsy, 1 with CP and ADHD and one 'normal' child. The girls are the hardest work, especially the one with ADHD, and she is very hard work. Judge me all you want, they love me, and I love them...

Wat is worse, a smack very occasionally, when they are putting themselves in danger or me screaming at them all time, like I hear on the estate 'you little f*cker, I hate you etctetc'

divastrop · 18/08/2007 23:45

suebaroo-excellent point.i used to smack my eldest 2,i didnt know any different ways to dicipline at the time,and i was very stressed (in and then coming out of an abusive relationship).i spoke to my HV(who was very good)and she put me in touch with sure start,home start etc and i went to (amongst other things)a cope parenting course.i realised that i was smacking my children a)because i didnt know any alternatives and b)because i was getting stressed and losing control.

i decided that it would sound awful if i explained to them that i'd split with their father cos he was hitting me,yet i was smacking them,so i decided to try alternatives,which worked(as well as any form of dicipline can)and i never smacked them again,nor have i smacked my younger children.

that was my personal choice though,for my own reasons,and i would never judge somebody who chooses to smack their children.

it would have been a shame if i felt i hadnt been able to ask for help when i needed it.

oddjobgirl · 18/08/2007 23:55

Yes totally unreasonable - if the child is in danger?.... but if not yes reasonable.

Bibis · 18/08/2007 23:59

Dear Dabbles

You are right

End of

(pile of shite)

margoandjerry · 19/08/2007 00:40

don't be silly

UCM · 19/08/2007 00:47

I think that the cane, slipper & ruler should be bought back into schools. I know that this is a very unpopular thing and will never ever happen. But until it does, the yobs will get even yobbier and things will get worse.

The reason I think this is because many parents cannot discipline their children, so let someone else please. Just let someone else tell your kids that if they don't behave, something awful will happen.

UCM · 19/08/2007 00:48

I have been out this evening, so bear with me, as I have drunk huge amounts of vino

margoandjerry · 19/08/2007 00:49

UCM. Agree. Await outrage...

oddjobgirl · 19/08/2007 00:51

but there are times when a smack saves a life - and that's why old people look confused when we say all smacking is bad. Sometimes a small child under 3 does somthing life threatening - sticking a fork in an electric socket, holding a plugged in drill next to their brother. ONE smack is memorale and consequencial. Loads of meaningless (smacks for = wanderng off in supermarkets are confusing to little children, parents and GPs. IMO)

UCM · 19/08/2007 00:52

M&J, tis far too late. Someone will argue with me in the morning and I will be asleep.

margoandjerry · 19/08/2007 00:53

Have just had a flashback to my lovely mum telling my new school that they had her permission to punish me if I misbehaved. She specifically mentioned that they could smack me - and this was long after any normal school would ever smack a pupil!

So much better parenting than those parents who hotfoot it down to school shrieking and protesting when their little darling has been kept in detention or spoken to a tad harshly or, heaven help us, had their mobile phone confiscated.

oddjobgirl · 19/08/2007 00:54

I ws responding to MAMAZON not UCM - have to look at that comment - heavy stuff ??

UCM · 19/08/2007 00:56

Oddjobgirl, I am not talking about smacking your 1 year olds hand from touching the fire.

I am talking about birching or caning your teenagers arse for doing something wrong.

How would you feel about that?

I would feel like this. He/She has been told and they are old enough to know. So if they are caught, then whack them, that's it really! What a deterrent.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 19/08/2007 01:05

It was a deterrent for me, UCM. I was slippered by my Headmistress for smoking. I didn't smoke at school again but I did lose all respect for her.

My brother, on the other hand, received '6 of the best' so many times from his Headmaster that I swear his arse must have been made of lead.

Neither of us have turned out to be violent btw.

UCM · 19/08/2007 01:13

I am not saying it's right in every case, but it might be more right than giving a person who has no boundaries at home, the idea that you will get punished if you do wrong.

It gives a clear boundary. Don't do it or you will get walloped. The 6 hours you spend in school every day are there to help you. If you don't want that, fine, the next step for you is National Service with some of the toughest Army Sergeants ever!

Bring it on.

UCM · 19/08/2007 01:17

Duchess, I was smacked across the knuckles with a ruler. I didn't lose respect for that woman, I know that she was trying to teach me to listen to her. She really was. I took the piss and that's what happened.

Now, I respect her because all she ever wanted to do was teach. She was an inspirational teacher too, but I was the naughty girl.

Luckily I sailed through my o levels, etc