To resent DH going out every week?

[AnuvvaMuvva]

I think IABU.

We moved here a few years ago and I found a local poker game in a pub. I took DH there and he loved it. It's all middle-aged men (like him) who drink loads of beer (like him) and play poker for a £5 stake. With beer, it's probably a £25-£30 night out.

For some reason, I'm really resentful of it! We don't go out because we're usually skint (I'm freelance and my earnings are feast or famine). But he'll go to this pub night rain or shine.

I'm not setting the world on fire with my own social life which is probably why I'm resentful.

I dunno. It just annoys me when he sails off to it every week, really excited, and leaves me here with the DC. Then in weekends where my ex has the DC, we don't do anything.

It all came out last night and I had a huge go at him. ☹️ He said, "We don't go out because we don't have any money!" But I pointed out that he always finds money for his weekly jaunt. AIBU?

@Carriemac is right too. Maybe they would be interested in some games? I am itching to buy Bears vs Babies😂 That looks like something what could get them out of their rooms.

bearsvsbabies.com/

make me feel that it's ok if I spend some of our limited funds on myself

Definitely this! You deserve it as much as anyone and something modest can make quite a difference. Good luck OP

Oh FFS. I clearly Marie Kondoed my wardrobe too severely last time and I can't find any - ANY - of my gym clothes. I had loads, good quality, and they've vanished.

No hoodie, no vest top, no trousers. I have one bleach-stained and ripped hoodie that I wear for cleaning, and a pair of transparent leggings.

It's all gone! FFFFFFFFFFS. Did I think I was never going to exercise ever again?! Maybe. But man.

OP just wanted to say, I also developed a driving phobia. In my case we moved and I had to drive certain places with young DC when DH was at work or wasn't coming. I still don't enjoy it, and I am quite obsessive about working out parking before, but I drive a fair bit now and on some reasonably busy routes. Can you start with familiar routes or with someone in the car to help? I find if I know what lane to be in etc that helps. I also like driving to places like the supermarket with big carparks and no time pressure. Good luck!

Well done for joining the gym.

Can't you have fun 'date nights' in, relatively cheaply? Surely that's about will and imagination, rather than money/ If he doesn't want to socialise with you or spend time with you, that's another thing entirely.

Do you really need to drive to get to book group (a great low cost, sociable activity)? Do you live rurally? If not, what's wrong with public transport?

Generally, the split of money for 'fun' in your relationship sounds unbalanced - between the two of you and with other needs. So he has £25-30 a week available for his night out - you do realise that's about £1,500 a year? Yet you can't afford therapy sessions.

If he just went every other week, you could afford regular therapy. If he kept the number of beers down, so it's

And what about taking an Uber to, say, bookclub?

Our local authority has an excellent adult education service and offers singing for mental health sessions. Maybe your might have something similar?

Get yourself some cheap gear from Primark- it’s really quite good quality.

And sit down with DH and make a list of things you can afford to do together. Cinema occasionally? Fish and chips, comedy night? Anything but forever sitting being bored..no wonder you’ve become depressed.

Good luck, I love your list. Oh, and Futurelearn offer loads of free short online courses including Mindfulness and writing.

And my iPods are so old they have these huge charging ports that I don't even remember anymore. Not like the pre-lightning chargers, like the one before that.

I'm going to have to go to Primark and get some cheap workout clothes. But that's in the next town.

FutureLearn sounds great!

Isn't primark doing online shopping now? I think I saw it in news.

Better to go go go today, get to Primark and start gyming today than shop online and lose momentum.

You both need to do something fun.

Update! I bought gym stuff.

DH and I did a food shop and I told him I'd joined the gym. We had a chat about everything (everything on this thread) and he was really nice.

The weird thing about DH is he never seems to think that anything is a big problem, when it comes to us. What I think of as a huge marriage-threatening fight he regards as a simple disagreement. So I was all, "I'm really sorry I had a go at you," and he was all, "Honestly, everything is great."

Anyway! I found an iPod charger. I have gym clothes. I'm going to go there today, but I am really nervous.

Oh OP, just wanted to come back on and say well done. I actually think that you are the first person I have read about who immediately changed one aspect of their life that day!!! Gold star.

So delighted you got gym gear - if you need more as people say, Primark are amazing and really useful if you lose weight as you haven't spent much on the stuff - they are really up to date so you look great.

I am sure you will begin to regain the old you once you are out and about again at the gym. I would also encourage a trip to the GP to sort out your anxiety and also get back in the car - get DH to take you to a car park in an industrial area on a Sunday and then practice.

Well done and enjoy your trip to the gym.

Oh OP, just wanted to come back on and say well done. I actually think that you are the first person I have read about who immediately changed one aspect of their life that day!!! Gold star.

Aww thank you! You were all so lovely that I felt fired up!

I went to the gym! It was fab. I had an induction from a lovely woman slightly older than me. She said they get loads of women like me who have just lost their way a little bit. She ended up being like a counsellor, really.

And then I did loads - walking, weight machines, rowing, a plank, loads.

I think this is going to be SUCH a boost to me.

I've referred myself for therapy. I'll sort the car with a new satnav and a refresher course.

Thank you all SO MUCH. You have totally sorted me out!

😮
OP, I really hope you are real😂
I don't think this has ever happened here!
Present a problem, accept suggestions and actually do it in ONE day!
Great job!

I'm definitely real. I'm too real, I haven't babe-changed so everyone could read all my shit. 🤦‍♀️

It'd be really fascinating to work out why marriage makes you feel the way it does.

This is going to be key, I think. My parents are still married but they shouted and argued throughout my childhood and my brother and I both lack confidence. I'm sure it's messed us up. I've been engaged lads of times and married twice, and he's never married. We have Ishoos here.

It's now just another Saturday night. We've watched TV and now I'm going to have a bath and do beauty treatments by myself. DS2 is on the sofa playing WiiU, the older one is in his room chatting to friends on his computer.

I think I should do the gym, therapy and driving stuff, but also write steamy novels on my computer.

I mean, as escapism.

I've suggested Scrabble. I think DH isn't into the idea but is going along with it to please me.

So glad you enjoyed the gym!

carriemac
My DS basically spent most of his time between 15-17 either in his room or at school.

He is now in his early 20s and we spend most weekends together. (He lives with me but I usually am away with work Mon-Fri.) I am sure this will change when he meets a partner but I'm equally sure it won't be the end of family "events" - even if those events are just "come round for tea this evening with your DP and watch this film that just landed on Netflix" or whatever.

My DS is one of my best friends. We have the same sense of humour and have very interesting conversations about life, the universe and everything. Him becoming a hermit in his teens didn't ultimately harm the bond between us (although I did feel a little rejected at the time, but did not pass that pain on to him.)

Oh, and this is definitely the most positive thread I have ever seen on AIBU, a real demonstration of being "in the spirit of Mumsnet"!

Get in your car rank it up take a deep breath and drive up and down the driveway.
If you dont have a long driveway go past your house turn around drive back.
Do this every day until you can a little farther on your own each time.
You can do it OP.

Well done 💐

Oh, OP, this has been a lovely thread to read! Keep holding on to what you've achieved today - it's huge, and it's such a step in the right direction to getting back on track. Don't feel bad if you have a slight slump in the next few days, you'll probably feel a bit emotionally drained.

But you did it today, you can keep doing it. And it will get easier