To really resent this

[Orangeblossom78]

We have some relatives on DH's side (his sister and her husband) and over the years we have sometimes visited them and them us. It's always been OK, we had DC ourselves and when we visited them (or them us at that stage) we would all just spend time together.

However since they had DC also, what seems to happen is that her DH will grab mine as soon as they some in and announce they are off to the pub. Not asking his wife or me anything just "OK, mate shall we head off to the pub then?" And off they go, leaving me and his wife often to make the tea for four children at the same time as trying to cook a meal for 4 adults as well as any other family (usually DH's parents and other family) who are also going to come round.

Last time this happened, they didn;t come back from the pub for ages even though the other family had turned up. We were all waiting to eat. When they finally got in it was because "no-one had called them to tell them". - Yes as we were too busy dealing with it all!

Dh's sister says that it is her DH's family tradition to go off to the pub like that. His dad does it too, and when the in laws visit her she is used to him and his dad doing off to the pub while she puts the kids to bed with the MIL.

I spoke to DH about it and why he goes along with it and he says he finds it hard being out on the spot like that to say no. It would seem rude .

AIBU in thinking this is a pain in the are and selfish, and next time I should just grab his sister and announce we are off to the pub, leave them to deal with DC's, other family visitors and shuffle back hours later?

Ok, I will. We hardly see them anyway as they live a way away. I do remember my DH asked him to wait while he prepared the dinner first, so as not to leave us with that. Not that I am excusing him.

My DH’s family tries to pull sexist crap like that. He says no. He would never leave me cooking and caring for his family while he heads to the pub or on any other “manly” activity unless we had agreed in advance to an exchange of labor Where he gets fun today because I got fun last time. He needs to think not just how he is treating you, but what kind of example he is setting for your children. Does he want his children in sexist marriages or egalitarian ones? Does he want his sons to be incapable of frying an egg or brushing hair? Does he want his daughter’s to be stuck in a relationship because they just can’t afford to leave? The issue really is that big. He is setting an example they will take as the model for life.

Hear hear @littlehappyhippo I don't know why the 1950s is always used as the default decade for blaming this poor behaviour; it causes me irrational annoyance when I see it on here (which is a lot!).

If your DH hasn't got the balls to open his mouth what is stopping YOU from opening yours in front of BIL going Wait A Sec away from DC and saying

"This isn't fucking 1950 and you pair of selfish bastards are going nowhere"

Not hard

LOL it's because advertising as we know it today was born then and all the Perfect Housewife language and imagery

LOL, not just me then @Boireannachlaidir ??? It is really quite predictable. When I see a thread about someone thinking women should be in the kitchen/looking after the kids/generally serving their menfolk, the default decade for comments is ALWAYS the 1950s.

When I see a thread like this, someone says 'is this the 1950s?' before the end of the first page! Always the 1950s!!! Yet, every other decade before that (And a few since!) have had sexism and misogynism. Not just the 1950s. Bizarre!

It's like when someone posts something daft and childish on here, there is always someone who says 'is it half term already?' Yet, it's almost certainly an adult posting it, not a schoolkid. Why would schoolkids be on mumsnet?

I think some people are sheep, and just copy what other people say.

@VanyaHargreeves

"This isn't fucking 1950 and you pair of selfish bastards are going nowhere"

PMSL, I rest my case!!! When someone mentions any man being sexist; 'it's not the 1950s' (or is this the 1950s?) is said EVERY TIME!

@littlehappyhippo

Yeah I saw your comment after I posted

I think as I said above, it's related to advertising

Yes I think it's definitely related to advertising.

I think it's because the end of the 1950s basically was the end or approaching at least, the end of the woman slaving over a stove and the clothes in the copper pot. 1960s onwards saw the women's lib revolution, all the hippy stuff, and women working. The 1950s is the line in between, is the threshold that separates the old ways and '60s heralded the start of in introduction of what we have now.

If anyone asked me to give a demarcation line between 'old world' and 'new world', the 1950s comes to mind immediately. I was watching a series that showed a family living one decade per week (and actually having to live/dress/eat/wash clothes etc as they did in each era), starting from the 1950s to 2000. And the differences between the '60s from the '50s were quite profound.

My dad and uncles did this when I was a child in the 70s/80s , it always struck me even then as unfair on DM and aunts. I'm surprised this is still going on in 2019, you either need to tell them its out of order or next time get in first and you and sil go down to the pub together

@Runnerduck34,My Dad who was an alcoholic did it as well with my uncle and to a lesser extent Grandad in the 1970s as well. I never honestly knew that this type of behaviour still goes on today.

You could probably afford takeaway if the men cut out the pub visits.

OP you’ve put your finger on the perfect come-back. You’ve got to leave them to it next time, sauntering off to the pub together without a backward glance.

The other one i hate is being encouraged to leave the 'men folk' to watch sport whilst the females take the kids to the park or some shit