To think if a strange person banging on your door at 5am is scary.

[CandlesBlanketsandTea]

This morning I got woken up by the entry phone to my flats, it was a drink guy asking for someone to ring him a taxi. I rang him the taxi because I thought that was the right thing to do, it's cold outside. I rang the taxi and we were chatting he wanted me to come down, because he was drunk I didn't commit either way. I put the phone down and start getting ready for work and he rings again asking where I am and whether he should bother waiting if I don't come down. I just reiterated that the taxi was coming. He'd spotted that the downstairs door to the flats wasn't locked. Next thing I know he's knocking on my front door and although it's locked it only has one basic lock on it, no chain or deadbolt and it scared me. I went into the bathroom and rang the police who actually said I should check what he wants! The operator had no compassion and basically baulked at the fact I was hiding in my bathroom. 18 minutes later the police arrive and tell me I shouldn't have ordered him a taxi. I'm just upset with the way the police responded effectively blaming me for being a good Samaritan. I feel so unsettled, mostly by the police. Was I wrong to order him a taxi?

I'd call it woman blaming.

I genuinely don’t get how this is woman blaming. If the OP was a man I’d have said exactly the same thing - do not engage.

This is probably a lesson for everyone about being helpful. Why don't you contact the landlord in writing, and also write to the management committee to outline the security breach and why it is important to sort out the communal door to prevent strangers entering the block. Frankly this man went away, but he could have started a fire, attempted a robbery or assault. Your experience has highlighted a security risk to the building, and the buildings insurance may not cover claims when reasonable building upkeep has not been performed. Bring that to the attention of your landlord and the management company as it may trigger action. You could also drop a note to your neighbours in the block asking them to cooperate in preserving building security.

@scoobydoo1971 thanks for that, there was a notice put up a few weeks ago but one set of neighbours locked it and another came in later (around midnight) and left it unlocked.

By the way the strange guy left me £10 in my letterbox.

Op that could have ended so bad for you. A woman opening the door at 5am to a drunk man is not good.next time phone the police. I would be scared and worried he was a looney.

@CandlesBlanketsandTea

I too would have phoned a taxi AND I would do it again. Yes it ended badly but he also could have died of hypothermia on your doorstep.

Ignore all the pearl clutching and victim blaming here.

He got home safe. You are safe. The end.

Don't stop being a lovely and caring person.

I genuinely don’t get how this is woman blaming. If the OP was a man I’d have said exactly the same thing - do not engage. - if the OP had been a man the drunk man would probably have not broken into the building looking for him!

That's why women can never do anything right. Men don't see it, or experience it as we do - and posters like these upthread think that the woman should do something differently.

What did you want the police to actually do?

The operator asked you to ask what he wanted so they could gather more information in order to ascertain the correct response ie if he was injured or unwell, they'd have sent an ambulance.

They can't send a blue light response to someone knocking on your locked door. You were safe and in no immediate danger. And no crime has actually been committed, well maybe except for trespassing but that's hardly a cat 1 crime.

It made us all think how we would have reacted had someone knocked on our door in the early hours.

It is so difficult to judge whether it is a genuine and honest person and you could be helping them out immensely, or whether it's someone who could do immense harm to you.

I got asked by a young man at a train station if he could borrow my mobile to call his friends. He'd got separated from them, they were all on a day out, his mobile phone had a flat battery and one of them had his train ticket. I just don't trust people to hand my phone over to them and had no idea if what he'd said was true or not. Fortunately I realised I had an unused return ticket I didn't need which would get him through the ticket barriers so I gave him that instead. Saw him a few minutes later, with his mates, really happy that someone had helped reunite him with them. But you do take a risk either way.

A drunk person banging on your door is scary. I imagine the call operator was confused about whether or not you knew the person because you called them a taxi.

I don't think posters are victim blaming. They're trying to help you avoid a similar situation in the future. I can see why you think calling a taxi was kind but as you discovered , when dealing with drunk strangers, you can't then control what follows.

If you want to continue to react with kindness to those situations then you need to know where your boundaries are. So, calling a taxi fine. Him asking you to come down - not fine. That's where you should have said a firm no and told him you were turning your buzzer off.

if the OP had been a man the drunk man would probably have not broken into the building looking for him!

Maybe, but I don't see how that equates to woman blaming. In my block of flats all tenants (men and women) were warned not to answer the door in the early hours.

We had something similar happen at 4am. Woken up by the buzzer which we ignored, then suddenly banging on the front door and pressing the door bell over and over. A group of men shouting in the corridor with a woman on speakerphone, who seemed to be trying to find something. We didnt engage with them at all, based on the banging and the tone of the shouting they clearly thought they had the right place and probably would have barged past if I'd opened the door to say anything. They also ignored our neighbour who came to her door to shout at them to go away. We phoned the police as well but nobody ever came out or even phoned back. Still have no idea what it was about.

@charactersonclothesaretrashy I didn't open any doors!

Wow sorry you went through this but just ignore the buzzer next time. People get bored unbelievably quickly and instead you opened up a conversation for the drunk guy - even though you were only trying to help

By the way the strange guy left me £10 in my letterbox.

That's why he was so persistent . You met a "friendly" drunk. Unfortunately you're never to know whether it's a harmless friendly person trying to say thanks, or a nuisance you'll never get rid of, or worse.

You did absolutely nothing wrong, OP. I'm sorry he scared you. But I think you can see now he wasn't intent on harming you. Just, in his drunk state, didn't realise how his actions could be interpreted.

I feel for you OP. I also try to be kind when I can and usually get stung by the old “no good deed goes unpunished”. The police attitude smacks of victim blaming

I hope the universe sends you some better karma than some of the PPs on here!

Wildorchidz Fri 08-Nov-19 05:44:52
Get a proper lock for your door ASAP.
You were nice to call a taxi. I can see the police point of view too.
........
Yeah, I agree with all of that. Reading the opening post I can actually picture a young me doing exactly the same as the op.

Hope you're feeling better, op.

@56CandlesBlanketsandTea I would have done exactly the same thing, so dont blame yourself in any way, shape or form.
Try to sort out the front door though, that really should be secure.

I know I will get shot down in flames for raising this, but had it been a drunk young woman whose mobile had run out of battery, anyone not organising a taxi and chatting to her to ensure her safety would have been slated.

Good on you OP - just beef up your security 😁

Yes, I would be scared. Which is why I wouldn’t have answered the buzzer to him in the first place, let alone, let alone called him a taxi or chatted to him.

Whether he was a bad person or not, you chatting to him will have made him see you as friendly and encouraged him to interact with you, hence him coming up.

I think you were naive and irresponsible.

@vanhi That happened to me - except my distressed young man was supposed to be being picked up and I think hadn't realised the station was so big. I said no to a call, but said my texts were included, so if he dictated a text and told me the number I'd happily send it for him. He was very relieved, the text matched the story he'd told, and he was subsequently rescued some time after.

I know I will get shot down in flames for raising this, but had it been a drunk young woman whose mobile had run out of battery, anyone not organising a taxi and chatting to her to ensure her safety would have been slated.

It's not shooting you down, it's just explaining why you're wrong so you might gain some understanding. Can you not see that the two situations are different? It's usually men who are violent and women who are victims, so a woman stranded in that situation would be at risk of becoming the victim of crime. A man in that situation is more likely about to try to commit a crime.

No, not all men, I know. As told above, men are at risk, particularly when it is cold at night. But people would respond differently simply because the situations are different.

@chouetted - glad it's not just me who's slightly suspicious but helps anyway!

I previously said you shouldn’t have engaged with him.

I remember I did something similar out at night in a rough area one woman was attacking another and I did intervene. The attacker ran away. The woman that had been beaten up was so grateful.

Funny how you know what is the sensible thing to do but sometimes you just do the right thing.

My elderly neighbour sometimes leaves his door open for carers and paramedics (he has COPD)

That’s an unusual set up. No reputable caring agency would have this set up. They would either have keys the staff took, or a key safe at the property. Paramedics have no problem getting through a door if they need to.

I've never lived in a block of flats where the front door doesn't automatically close and lock.

That’s because it is against building regulations to have a communal door that needs to be physically closed and locked. You should report to your management company to the local authority and they will be forced to fix it or lose their licence.

You didn't knock on someone's door at 5am. you didn't attempt to barge in on that person (woman) presumably assuming that engagement meant the possibility of a shag. I'm guessing you wouldn't do any of that even if you were pissed.

You were trying to be a good person in the heat of the moment in the middle of the night (as far as I'm concerned). Not your fault. You didn't waste anyone's time, a drunken man did. And scared you.

Just an update for anyone still interested. The management company of the flats sent a locksmith around, luckily I was in, they are changing the lock on the front door and adding an automactic close. Due to the width of the doorway they've had to order a slim automatic close so we can still get out the door. The locksmith noted that the current lock is on the way out as you can only lock it reliably from the inside.

I asked the locksmith for a quote to add a deadlock to my door and passed that onto the estate agent I deal with for my flat, they aren't hopeful that the landlord will agree to pay for it so I need to decide if I'm going to pay for it. Unfortunately I can't afford to pay for it at the moment as my work contract finishes just before Christmas. I'm hoping the new lock for the flats will be installed ASAP and give me more security that way.

Thank you to those of you who were supportive.

Flippin heck that's scary OP I'd have been terrified! Good to see in your update they're adding auto close doors and a new lock.