To think if a strange person banging on your door at 5am is scary.

[CandlesBlanketsandTea]

This morning I got woken up by the entry phone to my flats, it was a drink guy asking for someone to ring him a taxi. I rang him the taxi because I thought that was the right thing to do, it's cold outside. I rang the taxi and we were chatting he wanted me to come down, because he was drunk I didn't commit either way. I put the phone down and start getting ready for work and he rings again asking where I am and whether he should bother waiting if I don't come down. I just reiterated that the taxi was coming. He'd spotted that the downstairs door to the flats wasn't locked. Next thing I know he's knocking on my front door and although it's locked it only has one basic lock on it, no chain or deadbolt and it scared me. I went into the bathroom and rang the police who actually said I should check what he wants! The operator had no compassion and basically baulked at the fact I was hiding in my bathroom. 18 minutes later the police arrive and tell me I shouldn't have ordered him a taxi. I'm just upset with the way the police responded effectively blaming me for being a good Samaritan. I feel so unsettled, mostly by the police. Was I wrong to order him a taxi?

Or are women not supposed to answer their door phones now?

At 5 o’clock in the morning I wouldn’t advise any woman (or man) to answer their door phone. And if they did and found the person on the other end to be drunk, they should immediately disengage and ignore.

Also because of some weird reason the door opens outwards.

least he cant kick it in then i suppose

Also I know lots of people who go out, phone runs out of battery and need to get a taxi, not all of them are dangerous.

Maybe - but would anyone you know ring a stranger’s front door bell in the early hours of the morning?

This is a weird thread. It's easy to rationalise the best way to handle a situation in hindsight. I don't think that calling a taxi was necessarily right or wrong - the OP made a decision, and it ended badly. It could easily have ended with the guy getting in the taxi and going home. Just as not calling a taxi could end with a drunk guy dying from hypothermia. It's unfair to judge her actions by what happened next.

Local to me a young man (very early 20s) died from hypothermia one night. He had been out in the local city. He started to walk towards his home, which was about 40miles away. He rang his brother at one point to tell him where he was and that he was very cold. They think he started to walk in the hope of getting a taxi further out the road. He ended up in our village (about 10 miles from the city and died in a field. Where he had tried to find some shelter.) The story really affected us as we knew he had walked past a lot of our houses to get where he ended up. He would have been freezing and scared and disorientated. It made us all think how we would have reacted had someone knocked on our door in the early hours.

Terrible story that still affects people in the area. It is good to help people. Unfortunately, sometimes the people looking for help are simply nuisances.

You did nothing wrong, OP. But you shouldn't have been non-committal when he asked you were you coming down. And get the front door sorted. The fact that the front door doesn't close, and your elderly neighbour leaves his door ajar is very worrying.

the OP made a decision, and it ended badly. It could easily have ended with the guy getting in the taxi and going home.

Out of interest, would you advise her to take the same course of action if it happened again then?

I rang the taxi firm this morning and they confirmed he was picked up and taken to his destination. He must've left my front door after knocking a number of times and then got picked up by the taxi. They didn't mention anything else.

I've heard of people dying from hypothermia and wasn't sure if I could live with myself if I didn't do the bare minimum. I answered the phone because my neighbours have forgotten their keys before.

I also don't live near town or a pub so people ringing the buzzer is not a regular occurrence.

Fucking hell, these replies. Women are socialised to be kind and polite, and then get bashed when they do. If you’d ignored him and he’d have been ringing buzzers because he’d been attacked and died on your door step, people would be bashing you for not answering the buzzer.

You behaved like a decent human, he behaved like your standard disgusting male perv. This is on him, but honestly, I’ve learnt that it’s never worth trying to help random men sadly.

I'd have called him a taxi too, I'd do the same for both a woman and a man stranded in the cold as I'd hope a stranger would for me too if I was in that situation.

I wouldn't have answered the phone for the second time and I wouldn't 'chat'. I'd think "I've done all I can for this person". I'm not putting myself at any risk. I definitely would've rung the police if a drunk man was banging on my door loudly and I was home alone or with my children. The attitude of the police is awful.

In future I won't be answering.

I don't know if many of you rent but it's not that easy to get stuff sorted, to get things changed in the building they have committees to make decisions, I have little control or influence over that.

@Interestedwoman thank you for your kind words. I feel like people thought I brought it all on myself but I was trying to help someone out.

I don't think you did anything wrong by calling a taxi. We can't say on Mumsnet "he can walk to the taxi rank" - nearest taxi rank could be miles away. We don't all live in town centres, and having a taxi rank does not guarantee there will actually be any taxis there! Especially not at 5am.

The real problem appears to lie with the security of the front door...

Also tell the landlady this story and it might give her that kick up the arse she needs to get a decent lock sorted, and whoever is responsible for the main door too, or they'll be liable if something worse happens.

I suspect you've made a new friend OP, a drunk who knows where to go for a taxi now.

I would have done the same at that time of day, OP - answered the entry phone. I would have told him I'd order a cab (whether I actually did this is another matter) and then muted the phone.

No way would I have engaged further about whether I was 'coming down' or not.

And I'd have called 999 when he gained access to the building, of course!

And I would have put a chain or a bolt on the door in the first week I was there. If your LL is so inaccessible, s/he would either not know, or not care (as with the peephole). I'd pay for it myself tho.

Your NDN is nuts to leave the door open. At the very least it's a fire hazard. And if he's deaf, he won't hear anyone coming in, will he?

Op, what they said. And ffs at all the woman blaming on this thread.

@CandlesBlanketsandTea I rent too I get it. Thankfully my new landlord is good (came round and fixed the boiler the same day I texted him about it) but my previous one literally threatened to evict us because we complained about doors which were jamming shut and literally trapping us inside rooms, so we had to crowbar them open - somehow all our fault! afterwards fair few people commented on how those doors had been fitted cheaply, wrongly and had the wrong handles on them.

I cannot wait to get a mortgage but that's a long way off unfortunately!

Women are socialised to be kind and polite

Obviously never seen an episode of The Apprentice.

OP you did nothing wrong and calling him a Taxi was the safest thing to get him away from you. Of course you should have called the police when he got into your building and was trying to get to you!
At the least put a notice on the front door saying that someone left the door open and someone drunk and aggressive came in last night and you had to call the police and can people please lock it for all your safety

It's not a case if you brought it in yourself op. It's a case of intoxicated strangers that sometimes aren't nice and who can be quite scary. You don't know which ones they are until it goes wrong.
You now know this and others have confirmed this, in future if in doubt don't do it, even if there is no doubt be cautious and keep any kindness brief and swift.

the OP made a decision, and it ended badly. It could easily have ended with the guy getting in the taxi and going home.

Out of interest, would you advise her to take the same course of action if it happened again then?

I would advise her to do exactly what she did for this situation - make a decision based on the circumstances. Obviously if the same guy starts ringing the doorbell again, I would threaten police from the off.

I completely agree with you AngelsSins some of the replies to this thread are disgusting.

Hope you are OK OP

I'd call it woman blaming. Drunk man phones her. She reacts as best she can, he harasses her. He was a drunk harasser. He would not have done the same if a man had answered the phone. This is a woman being abused by a male abuser. Of course when his abuse escalated she could have called 999 - she was in potential danger. Chances are if she had told him to fuck off, politely said 'no', or whatever he'd have still harassed her. Her behaviour is not up for scrutiny here, his is and so is the reaction of the police. A police force that takes violence against women seriously would have taken her call seriously and would not have called her behaviour into question. This is part of a bigger picture of woman blaming and shaming and letting men off the hook for harassment and other crimes. I've had similar - reported. adownstairs neighbour for harassing me and it all got turned on me - basically 'what are you doing to provoke him', 'wait 'till he actually hits you' and 'stop wasting our time'. Millions of other women have had similar and some have ended up dead because the police did not take them seriously or they were blamed for leading him on or wearing frilly knickers or suchlike.

This in spades.

I work with female victims, and this is what (and in the need to obtain crucial evidence leading to justice) your actions and behaviour will also be taken into account.
The only difference would have been if OP had not engaged, however I disagree with others who say tell him to F off, so that would, had this escalated been seen that she had provoked him.
She was a victim by the way, of harassment, whether that harassment was due to the person being drunk, but harassment it is nonetheless, and NOT her responsibility that he chose to come up to her flat.

OP I would complain about the call handler, shit attitude, you can do this on the force website. As women we should ALWAYS put our safety first, because as you can see from a lot of the posts, you will be the one to be judged. Take care of yourself.

I would have told him I'd order a cab (whether I actually did this is another matter) and then muted the phone.

I don’t get why you’d tell him you’d order a cab and then not order one (if that’s what you meant)?

OP - glad to hear you won’t be answering if this happens again. You sound like a lovely person but you’ve got to put your own safety (and that of your neighbours) first.

As someone told me when I did like you a good samaritan deed and it spectacularly backfired. "No good deed goes unpunished".

This is why so many people sadly don't intervene in questionable situations because they are worried they will be blamed/the next victim.

It is easy for people on here to criticise your choices. Hindsight has a 20/10 vision. However I understand how you thought it could have resolved the situation.

On the rental issue, you are allowed minor changes provided you make them good when you leave (UK). LL may even ask you to leave them if they improve the flat overall.