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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to want to scream- husband thinks my hobby is “deeply unattractive”

540 replies

DimensionalShambler · 07/11/2019 22:52

It’s cold and rainy and all day I was looking forward to starting a new knitting project. After dinner I settled down with my wool and needles and and my husband started with the sighing. After the usual rigmarole I dragged it out of him… seeing me knit is “deeply unattractive”, it’s for sexless, boring, tedious women and he hates seeing my projects laying around because it’s a “stringy depressing mess” and I should find something more interesting to do with my time.

I’m absolutely furious at the sexism and stupidity but also really sad because I love knitting- it’s cozy and peaceful and meditative. But now it’s ruined.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
WitheredfromtheLake · 07/11/2019 23:58

Babdoc:

nose picking
crotch scratching
mud wrestling
farting tunes
trying to break the world pie eating record
bog snorkelling
arranging your collection of dog poo.

Grin Grin Grin

Interestedwoman · 08/11/2019 00:00

Don't 'let' him ruin it for you. xx

If he was worth the time and effort (he isn't) you could knit him a dick to wear on his head.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 08/11/2019 00:00

It just occurred to me that him moaning about it being a 'sexless' hobby might be his way of wanting you to put that half-finished blanket down and grab his willy instead

Bloody hell. You can't do what you enjoy because I might fancy a shag. Confused

Beveren · 08/11/2019 00:02

Does he imagine that sitting on his arse watching war documentaries makes him deeply attractive?

BiblioX · 08/11/2019 00:02

Ugh. He’s just ugh.
If you love someone surely you want to raise them up not put them down?
My mother has 5 degrees, she did them for fun in a range of subjects, she also knitted and crocheted beautifully. I don’t see any correlation with intelligence and knitting socks and am rather aghast at the comments tbh,
Please do not allow his misogyny to have a detrimental effect on your enjoyment of your method of relaxing,

Wingedharpy · 08/11/2019 00:04

In some circles OP, you'd be viewed as a textile artist.
Your DH clearly is lacking in the ability to see the beauty in the world.

scubadive · 08/11/2019 00:07

Oh god, I'm so sorry, my ex was a complete twat like this. No care for your enjoyment, no happiness for them seeing you do something you love, I'm afriad he doesn't respect you or treat you as an equal. He sees you as an amusement 'thing' for his own benefit and clearly seeing you knit is not part of this.

So many men are complete selfish, arrogant d*s it seems.

NoSquirrels · 08/11/2019 00:08

Knit him a new wife.
GrinGrin

Knitting and coding both require an ability to plot out actions in advance, seeing and understanding the outcome that will ultimately emerge from a simple change, either an extra stitch or a new command. Knitting is highly mathematical. It's art. And it's damn practical.
I cannot do either and would love to - I lack the spatial awareness and mathematical intuition. I’m in a bit if awe of good knitters.

cannycat20 · 08/11/2019 00:09

I'm sure a few of can suggest where you could stick those knitting needles....

I have a good friend who knits and if we go out for the day I often toddle off for a bit with my camera and she sits and knits (or crochests). Usually by the time I come back she's had at least a couple of conversations with people, men AND women, who either knit or had a spouse who knitted. And they always approach her. She has a theory it makes them think she's a nice, approachable person. I might tease her a bit about her yarn stash (which, to be fair, does take up boxes and boxes and boxes and she cannot resist a wool shop) but then she teases me about my hobbies (I cannot resist a book shop). But I don't tease her about her actual knitting, it's a very useful hobby.

And your eejit of a husband might be interested to know that back in the day, it was one of the ways Scottish shepherds (in the time period of Outlander, for instance) would pass the time. loopholes.blog/2017/05/15/scottish-knitting/ and actually the techniques the Vikings used were akin to knitting www.darngoodyarn.com/blogs/darn-good-blog/5-facts-you-didnt-know-about-knitting-and-men

What's your husband's hobby, that he can be so sniffy, anyway? (Apart from being a judgy-pants, that is.) I mean, unless he's out doing, you know, RNLI stuff or mountain rescue, and saving people's lives, or helping to house and feed the homeless every night or something.

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 08/11/2019 00:12

My ex husband was like this. Notice the ex bit...

With him it was reading and books in general. Apparently books made me boring.
I have since lost the husband and gained many more books.
Winner winner chicken dinner!

And I knit.

Bluerussian · 08/11/2019 00:12

He's a prat. I used to knit quite a lot and my husband liked me doing it. Even if he hadn't I doubt he'd have been so bothered as to say something.

How dare he! I hope you gave him what-for (you may have said, I haven't yet read the entire thread but will). Shut himup on that subject once and for all - find something that he does which irritates you.

steff13 · 08/11/2019 00:14

My grandad used to knit his own socks. He would be 100 today and was in the RMP.

A lot of men of his generation knew how to knit. It was done almost exclusively by men for a long time. Happy birthday to your lovely grandfather.

OP, just tell him you're not giving up knitting, so you'll have to give up sex, since apparently knitters are sexless. Then knit him a Fleshlight.

UnderperformingSeal · 08/11/2019 00:20

I'll leave this here.

... to want to scream- husband thinks my hobby is “deeply unattractive”
Inebriati · 08/11/2019 00:20

Sexless. Confused
Aren't we all sexless when sweating over the ironing or a stove?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/11/2019 00:20

You could knit him a willy-warmer (smallest size) and embroider on it, 'For a little prick.' 😈

He does sound totally unreasonable, not to mention very silly. I've been knitting almost non stop lately - massive project for Gdcs, has to be ready by 1st December. Don't think it'd occur to dh to object - he says he's in awe of my skill and patience (even if he privately thinks I'm a bit mad to take on such a thing!)

scaryteacher · 08/11/2019 00:22

Does he know that you can kill people with knitting needles? Tell him you need to practice on someone and that you might feel shabby if he continues to whinge at you.

scaryteacher · 08/11/2019 00:23

Stabby, not shabby!!

EmeraldShamrock · 08/11/2019 00:28

Tell him you'll stick a knitting needle where the sun won't shine.
I bet he is not looking Mr Gray watching you knit.
I am always saying I must learn. I've very fond memories of my aunt's in their 20's with their knitting kits.

TooManyPaws · 08/11/2019 00:28

Knitting sounds much more preferable to that twerp you're married to, OP.

My father taught me how to purl as a child. Last time I was at the Dental Hospital (I have congenital tooth problems), I was lying on the chair when one of the young lecturers rushed over to admire my socks because she was so thrilled at recently knitting her first pair of socks. The Duchess of Cambridge apparently knits.

He's obviously very out of date and out of touch with the zeitgeist and that is so very deeply unattractive. Apart from being a misogynistic judgemental dickhead.

Justneedatemporaryname · 08/11/2019 00:31

Your DH is a DICKHEAD!!

When DS was in primary school they taught him a bit of knitting. Then MIL carried it on and he LOVED it! Makes me sad to think of someone rubbishing something that brought him so much joy.

WTF99 · 08/11/2019 00:37

Ok....will.probsbly get flamed here but....

I've just started knitting and am loving it....however I do secretly think that it has a bit of an old lady vibe to it.

Now....nothing really wrong with that....I am in fact entering into old lady territory myself having just turned 60.....but im not quite ready to confirm to the stereotype so I tend to knit when Im on my own....it's my guilty pleasure.

I think your dh was a dick to be so mean to you but I guess he holds the same view of knitting as I do

VenusTiger · 08/11/2019 00:38

He needs to understand why you like it OP - you find it relaxing, meditative, stress relieving etc. these kinds of hobbies, like painting, model railways etc are a form of escape, they don’t need to be modern, sexy or appealing to anyone else. They are not like a fitness hobby, this is for your mind not body.
He just doesn’t understand how it makes you feel when you’re actively doing it that’s what I reckon.

EdWinchester · 08/11/2019 00:40

I think when you start to find a partner ‘deeply unattractive’ when they’re doing something not remotely offensive, it means things are going very wrong between you.

Greyhound22 · 08/11/2019 00:42

My 6'4 bearded husband can often be found in Hobbycraft. He's enjoys sewing in his spare time. He can also knit. So I'm not sure where the 'tedious, boring women' comes in or what intelligence has to do with it. DH is a quite senior engineer.

I mean are hobbies meant to be sexy? Confused I quite enjoy doing a jigsaw - it's not really edgy is it. I can't see what difference there is to you sitting reading - I mean what does he class as 'more interesting?' Does he want you to be pole dancing all night or what? My DH would be thrilled if I could knit - I'm totally lacking in any type of creativeness - I think knitting is really clever. Is he controlling in other ways?

theoriginalmadambee · 08/11/2019 00:43

I have a solution to all your problems. Here (Not uk) we have a book called 'how to knit/crochet a boyfriend' Grin.

Must be available in UK? But knit a life-size dh for yourself this Christmas, I'm sure he will be nicer and better equipped Blush.