... to want to scream- husband thinks my hobby is “deeply unattractive”

[DimensionalShambler]

It’s cold and rainy and all day I was looking forward to starting a new knitting project. After dinner I settled down with my wool and needles and and my husband started with the sighing. After the usual rigmarole I dragged it out of him… seeing me knit is “deeply unattractive”, it’s for sexless, boring, tedious women and he hates seeing my projects laying around because it’s a “stringy depressing mess” and I should find something more interesting to do with my time.

I’m absolutely furious at the sexism and stupidity but also really sad because I love knitting- it’s cozy and peaceful and meditative. But now it’s ruined.

What a miserable fuckmuppet he is!

I love knitting and recently DP taught himself how to knit and is way better than me! We're all getting scarves this Christmas!

Tell him you're knitting a gag.

Stab him with your knitting needle.

Lyingonthesofainthedark
Yup.
Brilliant life advice.

Tell him your knitting him a thong as his current choice of underwear you also find deeply unattractive.

These Norwegian guys make awesome Christmas decor.

Knit yourself a Tom Hardy!
Or knit him a 'sexy' woman and show them both the door.

Not suggesting you really do this but I'm imagining you sitting there in your sexiest red & black because that's what stereotypical men want underwear, fishnets and suspenders, killer heels and full 'going out out' make up. He starts suggestingsomething other than watching war programmes, you telling him to FO as you are knitting so you feel like a sexless, boring, tedious women. With any luck, he'll be wearing a jumper and you cam add that you also find his “stringy depressing messy” attire a deeply umattractive look. 😉

I’m a scientist and I knit and crochet. My husband of 25 years still thinks it’s some kind of witchcraft that I can pick up sticks and string and ta-da! it into a wearable thing. I’m also as far from being sexless, tedious and boring as it’s possible to be.
My grandad, a big burly Scot who was a decorated war hero and the Queen’s personal bodyguard as well as Secret Service after the war, knitted his own socks and ganseys. I’d love to see your cock of a husband telling him that it’s deeply unattractive

Also...when your cock of a husband refers to a “depressing stringy mess” tell him not to put himself down like that. Deeply unattractive etc etc.

I think unless you're a young person then you should probably just be quiet and leave us youngsters to it. You had your shot now it's our time so kindly respect that and keep your opinions to yourself. That goes to you OP and Corbyn.

I have a bit of a theory about this; I reckon it is symptomatic of modern hyper-consumerism.

It was an odd comment that a male friend of mine, who runs a masculinity project, made about hobbies for men having a culture surrounding the acquisition of "gear" that made me notice something about uncool hobbies vs cool hobbies.

Pretty much every hobby that where you create something or produce something tangible and material from lesser elements is generally perceived as "uncool", so knitting, crochet, pottery, veg growing, airfix kits, model-making, leather-working, woodworking -- even to some extent, baking.

Whereas hobbies where you consume significant elements to produce something less tangible and material are seen as "cool" or acceptable. Cycling is a perfect example of this, as is snowboarding, golfing, vinyl acquisition, shooting, gaming, playing an instrument etc.

So ... creation = uncool: consumption = cool.

Again, hobbies where you create something for other people to enjoy tend to also be perceived as uncool, whereas hobbies where the benefit is solely for the self are seen as cooler.

I think this is all basically a cultural dynamic of late stage capitalism that wants people to consume, rather then create ... and wants them to consume individualistically, rather than provide within community.

I also believe one of the subconscious consequences of this attitude towards "creation hobbies" is to radically disempower ordinary people and stifle understanding and awareness of just what, say, a jumper in M&S actually signifies.

I knit, and it never ceases to hit me when I walk into a knitwear section in a store just what is behind all those rails of cardigans: the amount of yarn, the amount of work, the mechanisation required for mass production, the energy needed to create those machines, the wages of those operating those machines, just how long it would take a human to handcraft those garments.

As a result, I am very careful about purchasing new knitted garments.

But global capitalism doesn't want us to think about those things. And I say that as someone who isn't an activist.

Knit these now!!
www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/smash-the-patriarchy-socks

While I agree with everything else PPs are saying, I understand why you're upset. Basically, he's telling you that the person you are is not someone he finds attractive. And all jokes aside, I'm not sure this is something you can come back from easily.

It's one thing to complain if your knitting is cluttering up the house and all over the place. It's entirely another to tell you the hobby itself is deeply unattractive.

I'm sorry OP.

Jessica Jones and Daredevil knit.
Not only are they both deeply, deeply attractive but I reckon they could take your DH down without even losing a stitch

DS1 (24) is a soldier and his room on camp is cold, plus he wanted to make it a bit more personal, so I crocheted him a blanket for his bed. Then a couple of his friends asked for one. I, did, him another in his regimental colours, so another mate asked for a similar one. Someone from upstairs asked for a different coloured one, then one of DS1's friends borrowed his very first one so I had to make him another. Their blankets are a talking point when they have room inspections!

Aside from the light hearted type responses, I think you have a REAL problem in your marriage tbh.

How old are you? Do you still have sex with him?

This comment seeing me knit is “deeply unattractive”, it’s for sexless, boring, tedious women ....he is telling you very clearly how he views you and the relationship.

Why does he feel this way, do you think?

Do you do things together? Are you intimate? Do you have holidays? Do you get dressed up and go out for dinner?

I don't mind my DH having a boring hobby, because we do all of the things I mention above. So our lives in general are not boring, iyswim.

For context, I am 50, he is 47. He likes gaming which I find tedious. But we have exciting lives generally. We are intimate, we talk for hours, we have amazing holidays to far flung destinations. So I don't care if he spends a few hours gaming here and there.

Your post screams out to me that you maybe knit and don't do much else? If so, that's a problem. What do you do with him?

How old are you both?

If you don't care whether this marriage ends, then by all means sleep in the spare room and carry on knitting. But he is giving you a very clear message here that he is deeply unhappy and finds you boring.

@Longblondeandblueeyes You think she should take it as reasonable potentially justified criticism and work on herself?! Fucking hell.

Then perhaps HE can step up and make the relationship more exciting for the OP.

Don't be a penis pleaser. They're never grateful for it.

Interesting Packingsoapandwater I think it's as simple as that having to make or grow stuff signifies poverty.

This is why fashionable crafting and growing - and there is a lot of it, 'stitch and bitch', young people obsessed with allotments etc - is a middle class phenomenon. Just like wearing second-hand clothes or looking scruffy / bohemian are MC phenomena, limited to people who have never had to worry about being able to afford to buy clothes new if they wanted to, or of people looking down on them as dirty scruffs, or reporting their family to SS as neglected.

Hipsters and their obsessive, expensive in time and materials but usually useless 'crafts' are the apogee of this phenomenon.

A lot of 'cool' hobbies, like cycling and climbing, claim to be all about freedom from material and social constraint.

You're right though, that they are often accompanied by a materialistic obsession with 'gear'. I tend to think that that materialism is looked down upon by the serious hobbyists as cases of 'all the gear, no idea' but this belies their own quieter consumption of 'essentials'.

Another fun knitting tip that may be useful to OP, a circular needle can also be used as a very efficient garrote.

My DH can knit but only the basics, he loves to see me knit though and thinks I am a genius to be able to decipher pattern terminology and knit in the round (I'm not, I'm an intermediate level knitter at best, but in his eyes I'm some sort of yarn wizard!) He bought me an amazing set of bamboo needles for Christmas one year, cos you know, he loves me and likes to encourage me to do things I enjoy, like a normal human being does with their loved ones.

I love that your feet are bare SocksRock waiting for your newly knitted socks to clothe them.

he is giving you a very clear message here that he is deeply unhappy controlling /bullying /sexist/nasty

If my DH said this to me he'd be pulling crochet hooks out of his arse.

The thing is, for all the amusing knitting chat, this is a relationship issue. What sort? Is this your DH being controlling and wanting your attention all the time? Is this him telling you he no longer finds you attractive (and is gearing up for an affair)? What do you think is really going on?

OP you're not with my STBXH, are you?

He used to say I was like the women at the guillotine in France when I knitted even if it was for him. In fact, until I got a machine I never knitted for myself.