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Original poster

DD keeps giving away her things!

83 replies

LeoAugust13 · 07/11/2019 18:53

My DD (5years old) keeps giving away her things to one kid in her class as she keeps asking her for her things. I’ve never bothered about it before as it’s been minor things that I can easily replace, but now it’s getting ridiculous it seems to be everyday. I’m not working so having to replace these small items is costing me.

I’m also annoyed that this girls mum must notice her kid coming home with these new items but has not said anything. I don’t know where to go from here what action if any should I take? I’ve spoken to DD today and her response is the other kid wants it do she gives it to her. I don’t want to cause any issues in her friendships but how to approach? Any advice appreciated

OP posts:
MidsomerMum · 07/11/2019 18:55

You need to teach her it’s okay to say no. Your DD is being very kind but at this age this does tend to happen. I had to step in once as DD (then 5) was giving away something small but inherited from her aunt and we had a chat about how it’s kind to be generous but it’s not kind for people to ask to keep things that are also special to DD.

LucileDuplessis · 07/11/2019 18:57

What sort of things OP? Can't you just not let her take anything in - or is it stuff she needs for school?

Original poster
LeoAugust13 · 07/11/2019 18:58

Wow response already! Thank you so much for responding. I have tried to speak to her but I don’t think she understands. The funny thing is she shows ZERO kindness to her sibling and cousins. She shares nothing with them so it baffles me that she’s giving away her stuff to this kid. I really don’t know how to approach as she’s my eldest so feel everything is new territory for me!

OP posts:
Pretenditsaplan · 07/11/2019 18:59

Itd help if you stop replacing the the things she gives away. From her point of view her friend wants the thing and her mum not only doesnt tell her off for giving it away but gets her a new one so it cant be wrong.

Original poster
LeoAugust13 · 07/11/2019 18:59

Lucille - it’s her hair clips and hair bands that she goes to school wearing. Today was her gloves!

OP posts:
Jenniferturkington · 07/11/2019 18:59

My dd gave away her hoodie to her friend. I was fully expecting the mum to return it to me but no, her dd arrived the next day wearing it!
It’s totally normal ime. Just remind your dd that it’s ok to say no, and that you buy her things for her, not for her friends.
And when my dd comes home with gifted items, I try to return them via the parent!

CactusAndCacti · 07/11/2019 19:00

Is it at school that the exchanges are taking place? If so, frisk her every morning before you go out. If there is nothing to see there is nothing to ask for.

CactusAndCacti · 07/11/2019 19:02

X posted.

The onus needs to be on the child to stop asking, I personally would speak to the teacher who can then either talk to the whole class about personal belongings and/or speak to the child and parent involved.

Original poster
LeoAugust13 · 07/11/2019 19:02

Cactus it’s nothing extra I put in her bag etc. It’s literally things on her person she is giving away like hair accessories and gloves. Her hair is literally all over the place so she has to wear clips n bands to tame it

OP posts:
MollyButton · 07/11/2019 19:04

I would encourage your DD to learn to say No!

But I would also talk to the teacher. The odd thing is something they can't stop, but if it is a regular pattern then they should try to intervene.

Winterdaysarehere · 07/11/2019 19:04

Maybe ask the teacher to retrieve them. And a chat given about scrounging!!

Original poster
LeoAugust13 · 07/11/2019 19:05

Am I going to look like crazy mum if I speak to the teacher? How should I phrase it?

OP posts:
Lipperfromchipper · 07/11/2019 19:06

I am the mother of the other girl (as such) and every week she comes home with something! It drives me nuts!!The conversation goes;
Me;Where did you get that dad?
Did;Oh Sarah gave it to me, isn’t it cute!
Me;Ok did why did Sarah give it to you?
Dd;She said I could have it!
Me;Ok well that’s nice but I’m sure her mother won’t be too happy so give it back tomorrow.
Did;Oh ok...

And then I check the following day that it got given back. They like to lend things to each other for the weekend too...drives me crazy!

GrumpyHoonMain · 07/11/2019 19:08

Tell the school you find it unacceptable and they will look into it.

CactusAndCacti · 07/11/2019 19:09

No, you won't look like the crazy mum. I would specifically mention the gloves and then put in context of the hair stuff. Just say that your DD is giving away things because she is being asked for them, but it is stuff she needs.

Honestly, unless this is a very newly qualified teacher, it will not be the first time.

Raphael34 · 07/11/2019 19:12

You’ve only just now spoken to her so go from there. Check she’s not bringing extra things to school and make sure she’s bringing back what she’s gone in with. If she’s given something away then start disciplining her. I know it’s happening in school but it’s not an issue I think you should be bothering the teacher about. She can’t regulate gifts between students

Lipperfromchipper · 07/11/2019 19:14

@GrumpyHoonMain ffs the school have better things to deal with! op just speak to your daughter and tell her under no circumstances is she to give the girl anything else!!!

Babynamechangerr · 07/11/2019 19:15

I'd try and get your DD to say no next time before involving the teacher, as if it keeps happening even when your DD has said no then there may be coersion / bullying involved.

I'd also make a point of sending your DD into school in the most boring plain clips and gloves etc so there's nothing tempting about what she has, this should be the school uniform policy anyway,in my opinion.

GrumpyHoonMain · 07/11/2019 19:15

No the school definitely does need to look into this. DN used to get blackmailed by a certain student into giving up her stuff otherwise that girl wouldn’t play with her. Took nearly a whole school year before I found out and then it was resolved within a week by the school who separated them.

littlepaddypaws · 07/11/2019 19:16

are you sure she's a friend of your dd or is there more to this ?

KMoKMo · 07/11/2019 19:16

OP I think you need to speak to the teacher. These are things you can’t not replace so the teacher needs to be aware so it can be monitored.

WagtailRobin · 07/11/2019 19:19

I was expecting it to be a pencil or the like, but not her hair clips and gloves.

In one sense it is very sweet of your little girl but on the other she obviously needs to be taught about boundaries and saying no; I know that has to be difficult to broach with a 5 year old though as she may not understand.

I don't suppose it would do any harm to mention it to the teacher and I would also tell your daughter if she gives her belongings away again, you will not replace them. (Just to see if that helps her to say no in the short term).

LemonPrism · 07/11/2019 19:19

Could the other child possibly be threatening her or telling her stories if she's not usually a sharer?

Nighttimefreedom · 07/11/2019 19:19

Lipperfromchipper the teacher shouldn't mind intervening here. At this age there are things both children need to learn about friendships, boundaries etc that's all part of the reason they're at school at 5 years old.
My DD was in the position of the giver and this escalated to the other girl asking for her pudding at dinner time! Pudding!!! Which she gave away bless her.

PlasticPatty · 07/11/2019 19:22

Not normal, it's bullying. It was one of the things we were told to look out for when I was teaching older children. You don't have to give people things, you don't have to carry their things for them etc.
Make school aware.
Tell your dd, kindly, she doesn't have to give things away, and you would prefer that she didn't.