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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is abuse

38 replies

HowDeepIsYourGlove · 07/11/2019 10:09

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7656539/amp/Rapper-T-doctor-check-daughters-hymen-year-ensure-shes-virgin.html

This is fucking disgusting.

OP posts:
OP posts:
GeneHuntLover · 07/11/2019 10:12

There's a current thread about this on here somewhere

DrVonPatak · 07/11/2019 10:12

Stop reading the daily fail. Biscuit

LingyLangy · 07/11/2019 10:14

It’s certainly odd. I can imagine his daughter may be uncomfortable with this. I’d never let my partner do this to my daughter!

WestSideSnorey · 07/11/2019 10:17

Outrage peddling rag causes outrage.

As disgusting as this is OP, there are far worse things happening to girls and women around the world constantly.

And do yourself a favour and stop reading that shitrag, it can't be good for anyones mental health.

ActualHornist · 07/11/2019 10:20

How does the paper it’s in mean it’s not abusive? FYI it’s been reported all over as it was said in a podcast or tv show.

YANBU OP it is abusive and hateful. And even though ‘t

Original poster
HowDeepIsYourGlove · 07/11/2019 10:20

I shared the link from the daily mail as it was the first one accessed via google. It’s all over the media at the moment.

OP posts:
ActualHornist · 07/11/2019 10:20

‘There are far worse things happening to girls and women around the world’ doesn’t mean I can’t care about this girl.

Original poster
HowDeepIsYourGlove · 07/11/2019 10:20

@WestSideSnorey the story is in almost every media publication.

OP posts:
Original poster
HowDeepIsYourGlove · 07/11/2019 10:21

@DrVonPatak It’s also on sky news, the independent, the guardian, and has been discussed on tv quite a lot today Biscuit

OP posts:
Original poster
HowDeepIsYourGlove · 07/11/2019 10:24

As disgusting as this is OP, there are far worse things happening to girls and women around the world constantly

I’ll remember to quote this when I read other stories of abuse. “Ahh it’s not that bad, worse things are happening to other women all over the world!”

OP posts:
Original poster
HowDeepIsYourGlove · 07/11/2019 10:27

@LingyLangy he states she’s happy to do this, but is she? Having a debate at work and all of the men in my team seem to think because she agreed it’s ok, and none seem to grasp the concept of coercive control Confused

OP posts:
LingyLangy · 07/11/2019 10:38

I think at her age she needs privacy. I mean it’s certainly controlling to say the least. He seems to feel proud of what he’s doing but on reflection it’s a massive sign of control that I hope she doesn’t feel the need to crave through her adult ifs, let’s flip this - Husband insists on taking wife/GF to STD clinic to ensure she has no STD through cheating. Abuse? Yes! To me its kind of the sane behaviour

LingyLangy · 07/11/2019 10:41

Also - I feel to boast about it the way he is I might be inclined to go as far as to say He’s a narcissist.

RightOnTheEdge · 07/11/2019 10:50

I read this this morning, and thought that he is a creepy, controlling abuser.

Lots of the comments saying she is as bad as him for letting him do this!
Im not sure she feels that it is a choice. He is obviously very controlling. If she'd been brought up by this man it's probably very hard for her to say no to him.

He also has a son who's been sexually active since he was 14 but he doesn't care what his boy gets up to Hmm

mummumumumumumumumumum · 07/11/2019 10:50

I think that is disgusting and the fact that he is happy for his 15 year old to be having sex with someone elses daughter but his is too precious? The hymen remaining intact is very unliekly if you have a physically active child anyway. What a load of possessive and nasty shite

Original poster
HowDeepIsYourGlove · 07/11/2019 10:52

@LingyLangy I can’t imagine subjecting (or even trying to pressure) my DD to a medically unnecessary gynaecological examination. It’s abusive

OP posts:
RightOnTheEdge · 07/11/2019 10:55

Well I've just read your link and the article I read earlier didn't have all the stuff about his wife in it.
Now I feel even more sick!
What a revolting specimen he is 😝

LingyLangy · 07/11/2019 10:57

You have a good point there, at her age she doesn’t need that examination so he’s doing it for his own satisfaction.

Having a smear test is never nice which is essentially what he’s making her do every year. Also a lot of young people lose their virginity at a young age I did I was 15. He’s trying to map her life out for her rather than trusting her & giving her the opportunity of self control

ActualHornist · 07/11/2019 11:04

@LingyLangy I’m really confused by your posts. You seem to be ok on the surface with a teenager having check on her hymen but possibly it shouldn’t be her dad that takes her?

No one needs this examination. It’s not odd it’s perverse.

SpamChaudFroid · 07/11/2019 11:04

It's horrible. Man gets another man to check his daughter's hymen is intact. Every year.

I see he was one of the sleazes who sang "blurred lines". A song about co-ercing women into sex that they don't want.

ActualHornist · 07/11/2019 11:06

It’s nothing like a smear, a smear is to check the cervix for potential abnormal cells that can lead to cancer.

He’s getting her hymen checked to see if it’s intact, for no other reason than he seems to be to feel like her vagina is his to control. The poor girl hasn’t even been able to use tampons.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 07/11/2019 11:08

Yes, I feel that's abuse.
It's also very creepy. Is he trying to sell her virginity to some bidder or is he wanting her all to himself? Like, I just don't get why it is so important to him. Just so strange. Poor girl.

And just because she consents to the doctor sharing the results with her father, it doesn't mean she wasn't pressurised into that, so your colleagues are wrong in my opinion. Abuse is scary and she's so young. Wish her mum would step in and intervene. This isn't right.

LingyLangy · 07/11/2019 11:08

I’m not saying he’s right to do this I’m actually saying the opposite. He’s forcing her into an internal examination for his own satisfaction

AloeVeraLynn · 07/11/2019 11:08

Sadly it doesn't surprise me. He's a horrible individual. A scummy misogynistic twat with multiple convictions including assaulting a woman. His daughter is his property in his eyes.