Freaked out

[whereareallmyhairbands]

I'm not feeling well today, and having trouble sleeping.
Whilst laying in bed thinking, I heard a strange noise downstairs. I thought the cat might have brought home a mouse etc so I pop downstairs and have a look. Can't see anything or any sign of cat. Check the back door and the cat flap is open, all the way, stuck open.
So I shut it, and as I turn out the kitchen light the house phone rang!!!
My goodness it scared me - but because no good calls come at night I answered phone. No one there initially, and then i hear a tv with what sounds like a scary film playing in the background.

I've hung up and put the phone handset and base on mute downstairs.

I'm now upstairs writing this message so I don't feel so alone!!!!

I’m glad you know who it is at least. I hope he shows up and gives you some answers and I also hope you can finally get a decent night’s sleep.

Oh I'm glad it wasn't more sinister than that but how awful.

I was terrified for you there OP. I'm glad there was some kind of reasonable explanation even though it may not be an easy resolution for you.

You reminded me of a scary incident I had which when resolved I trotted out the line ' it's okay, I'm just relieved you're not a ghost' so I hear you on that one!

I’ve just read through this thread and I’m glad you’ve come to find out who it is but how scary.

Please don't have him back round. I know a previous poster has made allowances after dealing with a drunkard themselves but it sounded like far too many excuses to me.

I don't think he's a safe person to be around. I think you need to tell the police because I really can't see this ending well. I don't wanna be reading about you in the newspaper.

Please don't invite your ex into your home and into your life. That will signal that he can behave like this and way overstep boundaries and you will be prepared to accept it.
That is just setting yourself up for future 'bad behaviour' of his that will be extremely hard to stop.
How you felt when you started this thread will be nothing if this turns nasty or worse....

completely agreeing with the last two posters. this man is not your problem. this could easily be the beginning of a tale that ends with a true crime podcast

He didn't turn up.
I'm not surprised.
I'm relieved.
I've spoken to the police and informed them of the circumstances at my sons request.

I don't want him in my home. I've had time to think about it today, and I'm realising just how angry I am.

I was terrified, my son missed activities this weekend to help me.

This man has yet again, found a way to make me feel unsafe within my life and I'm not going to put up with it.

If he comes here again he won't be allowed in and I'll call the police straight away.

You're right - whilst he is my problem right now, I'm not his solution.

I'm going to go NC with his side of the family from now on.

Op report him to the police. He was intentionally trying to scare you. You said you didn’t know how he found you so he has actively gone looking for you. This is stalking.
Don’t feel sorry for him. He only looked broken and scared because your son saw his behaviour.
Please go to the police.

NC is good. His sister was likely lying to you. I doubt he'll come back but please do not let him in if he does.

I hope tonight passes without event or interruption.

I've got the cameras set up now, so I feel oddly calm.

I have my phone here too, so can get hold of police. They said they would come out if I call them.

My son is ok. He's going on a date! Apparently with a guy who looks a bit like Jack Whitehall. I googled him... he's got some very odd promotional photographs!

He doesn't want anything to do with his father and is highly relieved that I've decided to do the same.

I feel like I've released a rope from my waist that was holding me back, I've always wondered what could have been if he were a different man. But he isn't a different man, and he's had 18 years to put his family first and never did.

I hope your son’s date goes well

I wonder how he got hold of your landline and address, do you think it was his sister?

Definitely NC for your own safety.

Thank god for your son coming to your rescue

I'm almost certain it's was his sister.

I feel sorry for her, what a problem family she has!

I agree!
Be sure to call 999 the moment he turns up.

Maybe police can have a word to his sister about this too. How dare she put you in this position!!! I am furious on your behalf!!!

What a vile man your ex is. And. Sorry OP but for all the people saying they're glad it wasn't anything more sinister... I think it IS sinister?! He's clearly off his fucking rocker, dangerous and intimidatory (at best it's intimidating because presumably his intention was to gain access but only his incompetence prevented that).
I would take as much action as I possibly could to get this person away from me.

Hope last night went well

Well, all I can say is, he is no longer going to be bothering me.
He was picked up in the early hours from my back garden. He tried to force the back door open and when that failed he tried to break the window.
Luckily the ring had caught him approaching before he even entered the drive (I need to adjust the scope I think? We managed to pick up footage of a badger too)
So I called the police and, give them their credit, they were here within ten minutes. Thankfully he was drunk again and took a fair amount of time to navigate scaling the side gate.
He didn't seem sorry this time. He was angry. There was a moment where we made eye contact through the back door and he just stared at me. It was horrible.

Once he was gone, a police woman sat with me and took me through my options as a victim.

I can't believe once again he has made me a "victim"
It's cruel.
I was a strong capable woman who raised an incredibly bright and caring man almost single handedly.
He reduced me to being fearful in my home, my safe place.

I am exhausted. I've called into work as I can't cope with it all today.

What an update, you must be totally exhausted. It's good that the police have arrested him but terrible that you safe place has been violated. Sorry you've been put through this

You poor thing. So glad you're safe. Make sure you access as much help and offers of help as possible.
Thank goodness for the ring doorbell.
What on earth is his motivation? Is he being charged?
Take care of your self. You've been amazing over the last few days in the face of some scary stuff. Time to relax now.

Do you know where he lives? It seems strange that instead of being at home he's hanging around a cold garden causing trouble.

Night in the cells should sober him up a bit. He's gone unhinged, police should be able to refer him to help