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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Freaked out

408 replies

whereareallmyhairbands · 07/11/2019 02:06

I'm not feeling well today, and having trouble sleeping.
Whilst laying in bed thinking, I heard a strange noise downstairs. I thought the cat might have brought home a mouse etc so I pop downstairs and have a look. Can't see anything or any sign of cat. Check the back door and the cat flap is open, all the way, stuck open.
So I shut it, and as I turn out the kitchen light the house phone rang!!!
My goodness it scared me - but because no good calls come at night I answered phone. No one there initially, and then i hear a tv with what sounds like a scary film playing in the background.

I've hung up and put the phone handset and base on mute downstairs.

I'm now upstairs writing this message so I don't feel so alone!!!!

OP posts:
wigglybluelines · 10/11/2019 10:00

As an aside, your neighbour might not be as nuts as you think - foxes really do steal shoes.

OldEvilOwl · 10/11/2019 10:01

Oh wow, at least you have found out who it was. Hope you get this sorted today OP

wigglybluelines · 10/11/2019 10:02

An interesting question could be, not who's stealing your neighbours shoes, but what they're doing with them...

A fox is stealing dozens of shoes in a Leeds suburb and dumping them outside a woman's house.

The problem has become so bad that Elaine Hewitt has been forced to put a shoe rack outside her home in Horsforth so neighbours can reclaim their missing footwear.

Ms Hewitt said the vulpine crimewave began a few months ago when she found a single shoe in her back garden.

The fox is now leaving a shoe a day, ranging from sandals to work boots.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-27710832

whereareallmyhairbands · 10/11/2019 10:04

That fox video is the first time I've properly smiled in days

OP posts:
Lipz · 10/11/2019 10:10

Omg how scary for you. I wonder what was going through his head to want to frighten you like that. Glad you found out who it was and hopefully he is not a danger to you and you can get some answers from him. Thank God for technology, you could still be wondering who it was. Hope you are ok.

sauvignonblancplz · 10/11/2019 10:11

I’m so pleased it’s not some stranger with more malicious motives.
However your ex’s behaviour is so absurd. I hope he has some kind of an excuse.

sauvignonblancplz · 10/11/2019 10:11

Well not excuse ... you know what I mean, explanation maybe

StudentHelp · 10/11/2019 10:19

Glad it’s not a stalker

MitziK · 10/11/2019 10:23

Arsehole.

Are you sure it's wise to have him round?

He tried to break in when you were alone. That's not wanting a cup of tea and sympathy. That's dangerous.

siriusblackthemischieviouscat · 10/11/2019 10:26

While imagining things probably would have been the best outcome - although you probably would have been in for weeks of worry before it settled down, I'm glad its your ex and not you being targeted for a crime. Im sure he will be much easier to deal with.

Oppopotomouse · 10/11/2019 10:29

Why on earth didn't you call the police, and why on earth are you inviting him round?

Whole thing suspicious if you ask me as already reported.

Josephinebettany · 10/11/2019 10:31

Oh I'm glad you know who it is but it's worrying all the same

Josephinebettany · 10/11/2019 10:34

Yes I do think it's odd that you're inviting the man who terrified you round today when you're alone though

NormaBean · 10/11/2019 10:43

Why on earth didn't you call the police, and why on earth are you inviting him round?

Agreed. The fact remains he has been stalking and intimidating you for several nights. If he needed help, I imagine he’d knock or call at a reasonable hour. Not pace around outside your home, move things, silently call you and take a piss.

spice3 · 10/11/2019 11:03

Agree.

That behaviour is harassing and intimidating and terrifying frankly.

The trying to break in?
The phonecall with the horror film sounds?
The phonecall pacing around your garden?
Turning up every night for several nights?

Any sane person would contact you. This is really scary behaviour.

And now you're inviting him round and didn't ring the police because he looks 'broken'?

Honestly, I'm trying not to be judgemental because this is a horrible situation for you but really?
This is not someone who sounds 'broken' (more dangerous!).
The police have tried to help so far, you've now got the power to allow them to help you more and move on from the situation and yet you're inviting the person in...... I wouldn't expect them to take it too seriously when it happens again (which it will, given he's behaved like this for nights on end which is psycho behaviour).

Sorry OP. I appreciate you're in a weird place right now but I think you've done the wrong thing not contacting the police (and then going further to invite him round)....

spookysamhainwitch · 10/11/2019 11:05

Jesus glad you know who it is and can get it dealt with properly.

Your ex sounds like he has serious issues though. I feel bad for you both.

TARSCOUT · 10/11/2019 11:07

Been following intently, am so glad you know who it is but don't let pity sway you from being strong and true to yourself and your lovely son, as remember, this has been meticulously planned for your son leaving home.

wigglybluelines · 10/11/2019 11:09

The fact remains he has been stalking and intimidating you for several nights. If he needed help, I imagine he’d knock or call at a reasonable hour. Not pace around outside your home, move things, silently call you and take a piss.

Not necessarily. Having spent far too much time with incapable drunks, his behaviour could well be explained by drunken incompetence, entitlement & self absorption rather than an actual attempt intimidate.

It could be that he's homeless and has burnt his bridges elsewhere and has been sleeping in the OP's garden, or in his car nearby.

He may have tried to get in as when he's drunk, he feels it's acceptable to just break into her house to get in. (Of course that's not OK, in any shape of form, but my ex thought like this).

He may not have deliberately done silent calls, but tried to call her, missed her, then pocket called her back, or even called when too drunk to realise he'd the phone had connected.

He may have rang her bell in the middle of the night because he was too drunk to realise this is a stupid thing to do.

None of the above is meant as excuses for his behaviour or that the OP shouldn't be firm in establishing her boundaries - indeed you need to be very firm with drunks, as I'm sure the OP well knows.

But just to say, it may be that he's too much of a muppet to realise how intimidating his behaviour has been. Especially if there was a dynamic in his relationship with the OP at some point, that he was able to get away with this kind of self indulgent, poor-me behaviour. (One of my exes in particular was like this and I did let him get away with it for a long time, before I wised up. He found it hard to accept I'd moved on and wasn't going to pander to him any more, no matter how helpless he pretended to be).

Mothership4two · 10/11/2019 11:10

Please go back to Police with proof and do not have anything to do with ex

wigglybluelines · 10/11/2019 11:10

That's not to say that is isn't an attempt to scare the OP, it might well be. But just that there are other possibilities.

The OP knows her ex and will know which it is, I'd imagine.

TheReluctantCountess · 10/11/2019 11:36

I wonder if he will turn up to explain.

TooSweetToBeSour · 10/11/2019 11:46

I’m relieved for you that you have a non terrifying answer but it sounds like it’s going to be a difficult situation to resolve regardless. Hopefully you and your son can get the message across loud and clear that this behaviour is unacceptable. As for your ex, it does sound like he needs some real help but I don’t think it sounds like it’s for you to give it. Flowers

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 10/11/2019 12:03

Glad you've found out who was behind it all, very creepy behaviour from your ex.

Motoko · 10/11/2019 12:37

So, how did he get your phone number, and address? You said he didn't know those. Who would be likely to give them to him?

I also think you should let the police know, and I wouldn't be inviting him in.

VenusTiger · 10/11/2019 12:59

Your ex’s sister told you he was sorting himself out, and I think in doing so is having major regrets about his relationship with you and his son. He’s probably still sleeping rough, in an alleyway near your house probably - the drink gives him the confidence to go looking for you, calling you but then he bottles it and doesn’t speak so just hangs around your back door.
He needs professional help, and I think you know this, which is why I understand why you didn’t call the police. I’m guessing you know he’s best talking to when sober and I hope he can get the help he needs and you can all move on (your son included) peacefully.
I was certain it was your ex as I mentioned up thread, the silent phone calls, the back door lingering and the beer brand all pointed to it being someone who knew you as opposed to a burglar.
Hope you and your son are going to be okay OP.

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