AIBU to ask for your best comeback to this work colleague...

[Seraphina77]

A male work colleague today said to me that employed women/men who choose not to have children should still be entitled to take 12 months off, paid at the equivalent of maternity/paternity pay because "then it's fair".

I was completely sidelined and apart from explaining to him that maternity/paternity leave is not a holiday, I couldn't get my brain in gear quick enough to come up with a cogent argument in response!

Help me out mumsnet... how would you have responded???

If you have no arguments against what was said, why the fuck would you think hes wrong and youre correct?

I do understand his thoughts on this but I also get the thoughts of people who smoke and need the NHS later in life most likely due to smoking or alcoholics, drug abusers, obese people with gastric bands, breast enlargement on NHS, transgender, birth mark removed on NHS the list is so much longer when it comes to the NHS,
Non drivers, people with pets who use a scheme for chipping etc, people who receive benefits and are healthy and don’t do anything to find work, people who abuse the systems we have in place like the police, people who are incarcerated what charities our government decide to help support which they don’t which countries we help support and which we don’t our homeless in our own country this list also goes on
In my opinion people today all want things to be equal to such a degree and for them to have exactly what others have but there’s many issues with this and it will never happen, they provide ML and then we want leave for fathers too so they provide PL now it’s people who have chosen not to have children want something the same if that was given it would only be something else after that we have a very long way to go before all is right and me personally I don’t ever see that happening as we as people are different and all have a different views on what is right for us as a society and as a individual

I’ve heard this all the time and don’t get it. Adults can take time out whenever they want- between jobs, sabbaticals. Or are they jealous of the £145 a week the government give those on maternity leave? Do they think people can survive on that?

Why don’t they do what new parents do and save enough money to be off work 9 months if they want it that badly?

tbh I'd just ignore.

My thoughts were ... Fine As long as he takes the year off to devote it to the care & needs of another human being. This other person must go on to be a tax payer who wipes his arse when he's in the nursing home!!

Perhaps as a society we do need to re-think how leave from work with protected rights is made available to all. The generation being born now will quite likely have to work on much longer than my generation (50s). They will have to fund their own pensions more than my generation will have to.

So, I wouldnt be looking for a witty come back but have a thoughtful conversation about what the working life is going to look like for children being born now who may well have to work from their late teens/early 20s until well into their 70s.

He has a point. You chose to have children because you just wanted to. They aren't always a benefit to society and frankly the world could do with less children. Maybe there is something that he would like to do that is equally important to his life. I'd support this.

I’m never envious of people going on maternity leave and they’re welcome to it. I’ve never worked with a mum who said ‘I didn’t want it to end’. It’s always ‘Thank god I’m back at work, it was so boring!’
I work for a big company that offers flexible working for all, with carers leave for those who need it, and everyone has the right to request an unpaid career break of up to 2 years. I think those are great terms.
Hell, if I wanted mat leave enough, I can think of an easy way of getting it...

Why do you need a comeback, his views have no effect on you. Life's too short to be making unnecessary drama with work colleagues, he's entitled to his opinion.

I’ve heard this all the time and don’t get it. Adults can take time out whenever they want- between jobs, sabbaticals.

you can't compare the 2! Many companies do not offer sabbatical and to keep your job for a year if you want a break - and do we really want the "between jobs" option for new parent? The whole point of maternity leave is to keep your existing job! Of course everybody can quit but that's hardly the point.

So I completely get it. I chose to take time off to have babies, the option should be available for people who have other commitments or wishes.

Was he saying it to get a rise out of you?

Ignoring stupid comments is what we do when children are trying to get a reaction. I suggest trying it with this knob.

I agree with him.

I’ve heard this all the time and don’t get it. Adults can take time out whenever they want- between jobs, sabbaticals. Or are they jealous of the £145 a week the government give those on maternity leave? Do they think people can survive on that?

Why don’t they do what new parents do and save enough money to be off work 9 months if they want it that badly?

Er, no guaranteed right of return if you quit a job for 9 months

@GnomeDePlume makes an interesting point...

I 100% agree with him

I kind of agree.

So does the entire country of Australia, pretty much. It’s called long service leave.

A colleague of mine said it wasn’t fair that I’m benefiting from two Lots of maternity leave and she’s isnt. She’s trying to take our employer to court under a discrimination claim. She hates kids. Doesn’t want them. But wants the time off.

Work have said to her that she can have the leave unpaid if she is that desperate for it. She says this is the discrimination point.

I’m getting paid for my 6 months off (maternity pay) she won’t be (no pregnancy and baby no maternity pay). As far as I’m aware she’s yet to find a lawyer who will take this as a case.

My employer (as far as I can see) aren’t discriminating.

That’s true at @Aridane but you can just schedule it so it’s between jobs. Most people change jobs every few years. Unless you are really going to struggle to find another role it doesn’t seem a big deal

A university sabbatical is nothing like maternity or paternity leave. It’s just that your teaching/admin is taken off you so you can do different work for the benefit of the uni (and yourself) like write a book, or a big research bid, or finish your research - and it’s not a legal right. It’s very much at the employers discretion and has to have a tangible impact. They’re really hard to get, and they’re like gold dust.

That’s true at @Aridane but you can just schedule it so it’s between jobs. Most people change jobs every few years. Unless you are really going to struggle to find another role it doesn’t seem a big deal

Surely this goes for most planned pregnancies as well? IIRC around 80% of people who TTC conceive within the first year. By your logic they don't need the maternity leave because they can schedule it between jobs. And since you say that finding another role isn't a big deal then surely you don't believe women should keep their right to a job that they haven't done for a year?

Tbh I'm for a shorter maternity leave and I support the idea that non parents can equally get time off for their own important life choices while keeping their job.

There seems to be a complete lack of understanding on much of this thread that parental leave isn't for the benefit of parents, it's for the benefit of children.

Because maternity should be supported by society. A gap year shouldn’t. No other countries pay for their citizens to be off for a break, so I presume it offers no Real benefit to society

Incidentally, I'd be totally in support of a) carers leave available for other forms of dependents on similar terms to maternity leave and b) a right to take a career break and come back to your job. The former has some logistical problems (you know when mat leave will be over, how do you know when you'll be done caring for an elderly parent?), and I think the latter would always have to be unpaid because I don't think there's much appetite out there for taxpayers to pay for people to take career breaks.

sabbaticals aren't paid, are they (misses the point...)
Anyway I would have just laughed.

A colleague of mine said it wasn’t fair that I’m benefiting from two Lots of maternity leave and she’s isnt. She’s trying to take our employer to court under a discrimination claim. She hates kids. Doesn’t want them. But wants the time off.
Yeah, good luck to her with that. She sounds delightful.

@mesmorisedbythelights she is

Jesus this thread depresses me.