Another mum that I know has sent her sick child into school.

[Aaarrgghhh]

Okay, so my kid and her kid play at each other’s houses once a week or so. Anyway, she told me her kid couldn’t come to mine one day as she was unwell, being sick with a tummy bug. That’s okay, it happens and I message back saying something along the lines of, that’s okay don’t worry about it I hope she feels better soon. Anyway, 48 hours after last vomit is the rule, so why was her kid in school?

It’s annoyed me because I’m sick and tired of my kids being unwell because of stupid parents like this. A cold or a cough is fair enough, if we kept our kids off for that they may never been in school, but a bug? Come on now, it’s ridiculous to send a child in to infect everyone else. Here’s why it pisses me off so much, I have a kid with a suppressed immune system, bugs aren’t good for her and depending on how bad it is she could end up in hospital, this mum knows this because I make everyone aware so they don’t bring things like bugs to my home.

Would I be unreasonable to tell the school that the child wasn’t kept off for the appropriate amount of time? I feel petty thinking about it but it’s really annoyed me and my kid isn’t the only kid in the world to have a weakened immune system, plenty of kids at the school will as well. I think this wouldn’t be as big of a deal if she didn’t annoy me in general with other things, this is like a straw that broke the camels back so to speak.

For clarity, it’s my elder child that plays with her kid outside of school and it’s my younger one that has the weakened immune system, I don’t want my elder kid bringing home bugs to her sister because of silliness like this.

You are not being a sneak for telling the school.

People who do not have an immunocompromised child don't understand the fear you have or realise that a bout of D and V is not just uncomfortable for your child but potentially very dangrous. My DD was hospitalised more than once with a tummy bug other kids would be a bit unwell with.

No need for the aggressive tone OP, your posts are quite long winded with few paragraphs.

Novemberblu3s Okay sure. You didn’t read why I don’t work though did you? And what high horse am I sitting on? I got asked if work could be a reason and I said it wouldn’t be. Why would I as someone on benefits, who does not work and has two children judge someone else for being in a similar boat?

And quite frankly as harsh as it may sound and I understand that parents have to work but that is not on me, it’s on people’s work places to understand or not that sometimes a kid needs to stay off school, that doesn’t mean I should be happy with sick kids spreading illness around because their parents work will get mad. What about the children and working parents for that matter that can’t afford to get sick or end up in hospital because of a bug? Surely if people kept their kids home when unwell there would be less people off over all, or am I being silly in thinking that?

Are you slightly peeved that she cancelled on the play date? What she said is the kind of thing I might resort to if another mum won't take no for an answer had I said me or my child didn't want to go.

Sotiredbutcannotsleep Not at all. She’s cancelled before and I was fine with that. She’s cancelled a few times and sometimes it’s just because she realises she needs to do something else and I’m okay with that, as is my daughter which is great. I’ve also cancelled on her before due to my ones being unwell and not wanting to spread it and the fact my kid was tired and wasn’t up for playing anyway.

I'm a teacher and I absolutely think you should tell the school. I'm also immunocompromised. If someone's child brings in a vomiting bug, it means I'm likely to be hospitalized and off at least a week. In that time your child will have rubbish cover lessons (no money for supply) and so will everyone else in the class. (Sorry all, these parents one day off work each was clearly more important than a week or even two of my time teaching their kids).
And yes, from experience of both, at schools that keep the 48 hour rule strictly there is far less illness than at those that don't. The 48 hour rule doesn't make passing the bug on impossible but it really does help stop it spreading.

To be fair to the original person I feel strongly about sick kids being in school or nursery.

My DD nursery always had kids in there barking and streaming eyes and noses. They were happy for my DD to go in with tonsilitis after 24 hours on antibiotics. I declined and kept her home. Everyone said it's building her immunity etc. But it was also coming into our home and infecting our son who couldn't fight of a standard cold after having a few in a row. I woke up one morning to him struggling to breathe. We took him to a&e and within two hours he was being pumped with antibiotics and had iv fluids put into him. Double doses of paracetamol were given to try cool him down. He was in hospital for 4 days and went through some horrible tests etc. There were 3 other children under the age of four on his wing they had also ended up in hospital due to constant viruses picked up from a child care setting. One was do skinny her nappies were falling off. One was 9 months old and had vomited that much he was in hospital with dehydration.

The reality is it does affect people. It can be serious. It can cause anxiety in people. It can make small people extremely ill. That said I don't think she should be reporting her friend. I don't think the mums done anything massively wrong as it was two days later.

To be honest what is the answer???

I saw you are a carer and I did not critisese you for not being in employment, did I?

I just pointed out that it is different if you have a manager sitting in your neck and your job in the line esp if you depend on it keeping a roof over your head (btw, I also have a severely disabled child though I work and I get the pressure from my employer).

Pumpkinpie66 Sorry to hear you have a compromised immune system, especially in your line of work that can’t be easy. I’m back on the fence now reading that.

Maybe the kid threw up and she cancelled, then kid was fine all day.
Maybe she just wanted an excuse to cancel the playdate.
Maybe the kid really went to school sick.

So many possibilities.

Why don't you just pop into the office or email the teacher saying you're worried people aren't keeping the 48 hour rule and explaining how serious it is for your younger child if elder brings it home (without mentioning names) and ask if they could send out a reminder to all parents, ideally a strongly worded one explaining why it is actually important?

Mumof21989 Those poor children. My daughter has been hospitalised a few times because of dehydration with bugs. It’s awful and then we have to play catch up with her fluids and it’s a whole big thing. And now, with her at school (a different one) if she does need any schedule changes they are a pain to implement because it means we have to change the instructions given with the gp and community nurses. I’m hoping that she’s okay because she is at a special school and they will have no tolerance for this and be parents will be in a similar boat and will be more likely to keep kids off that are unwell. I mean, they even changed my daughter from afternoon classes to morning ones because she has something that another child was too much risk to be around and she couldn’t be changed due to her own hospital commitments.

Pumpkinpie66 That sounds like an idea, I worry that I’m being silly if I do that because my child isn’t actually at the school, if she was her liaisons would have called them and explained the situation and then an announcement would be made. They do send home letters regarding being unwell and I’ll need to check when the last one went out so I don’t look ridiculous if I ask for another reminder to be sent out.

I’m obviously going to let this one drop given some of the replies on here but if it happens again I might make a general mention of it. The school is aware of her sisters health needs. She likes to talk about her sister at school and then the new teacher she had checked in with me because of the medical things my daughter was talking about and she wanted to get a better idea for when she talks about her at school.

Parents have a lot pf pressure from schools to send in their children into school sick. Too much time off and the threats of fines worry parents.

I know, the fines worry me too but I just will not send a sick kid into school. I appreciate I’m seeing things through a very different lens than most though. My elder daughter is about to be off soon for a few days unrelated to illness, hopefully we wont need to bring her along at some point but for now we do. Thankfully her teacher and the school are understanding about this, they should be as understanding about sickness but I get that they put the pressure on, Ive felt it myself.

@Aaarrgghhh

Oh bless them. It is awful having a poorly child that ends up in hospital. Must be so awful going through that. It's good that the school take it more seriosuly.My son had a patch of pnunomia developing in his left lung where the air comes back out. They didn't know if he was at risk of sepsis etc so they put a strong antibiotic in him and he was ambulanced to another hospital with a peadatric ward. It was very scary and it highlighted to me how serious it can be for people. My son's perfectly healthy as a rule and it still put him in hospital.

Things seem to have changed. When I was a kid it didn't seem like we were ever Ill really. Kids now have so much wrong with them. I never went to nursery and I am fairly strong and can go years without being sick. I've only had stomach bugs since being a mum. As a kid I probably had one!! I know they say it's good to build up their immune systems young but I also think constant viruses are actually not good at all for little developing bodies. I won't be using nursery for my son but I will get him a child minder so he can mix in a smaller setting and perhaps a pre school if there is one.

I think people are over clean now too possibly? Either way I dread winter with all these bugs. It does make you anxious thinking of your kids vomiting and you joining them in 48 hours. I avoid people for days if they have had stomach bugs too. I hate it and can't see that kids benefit from stomach bugs as they can't get long term immunity. I have my DD on probiotics and vitamins. Hoping for a better winter. Id try not too think too much about your friends child. At this stage it's probably only the yucky fecal oral route that could spread it to others. Let's just hope her little hands are washed if she has been ill. It sounds like her mum kept her off for an ok amount of time and another day would probably make her worry about the time off. I don't know how it works really with fines etc. I do try to get my DD to school every day. Like I said she's off today because she got travel sick. Total waste of a sick day we may need over the winter but how was I to know it wasn't a bug

Roll on spring haha x

In my experience, it's the doctor parents who are worst at this! Very, very annoying OP but not a lot you can do about it. Have a strict hand-wash as soon as they get home (keep antibacterial gel in the car if you drive them).

Oh FFS - who died and made you Minister for Health.

She used the words tummy bug in regards to the kid being unwell so I imagine throwing up, temperature and possibly diarrhoea

And you don't even know she had D&V.

Aridane Really? Am I going to have to explain that again. Would you like her exact wording? She said that her child has been up all night, tummy bug. The rest of the message is just a general hi, sorry won’t be able to make it but saying her child was up all night with a tummy bug are her exact words, what am I supposed to be guessing about?

Perhaps people could be a bit more sensitive to someone with an immune suppressed DC? This does impact your thinking and it's possible to say you think OP is BU without being unnecessarily rude, FFS. (I do actually think OP is BU and should speak to friend rather than go straight to the school).

I know it's AIBU but a little kindness doesn't go amiss in certain circumstances.

And SGB perhaps consider the sensitivity of saying "FFS get a hobby" to someone who is a full time carer for a child with disabilities? You're just going to get told to fuck off one day, I would do it myself if you said this to me!

I've just realised I've urged people to be more kind and in the next breath threatened to tell someone to fuck off

I'm going for a lie down

Sighs

@Aaarrgghhh - look up the Informal dictionary definition of 'tummy bug' (as opposed to a medical definition). Tummy bug can mean as little as tummy ache - which from my (very) distant recollection as a child could include being up awake in the night with tummy pain - or can include the D&V scenario you are contemplated. Not sure why you assume this is D&V that requires notification to the school authorities. Hey ho

I'd have assumed she just said it to dodge the play date, oh well. I very much doubt the fib was on her mind as she dropped her child at school, as she isn't thinking as deeply into it as you are.

Yanbu but at best school will send a generic reminder. Hand washing is the best protection.

Yes, might well have been a handy excuse to dodge a play date