How do I politely decline?

[user6789]

I'm expecting very soon.

Friend has made multiple comments about 'having' a baby item of hers & how helpful it's been etc etc.

She asked again a few days ago if I was still wanting it and I said yes and asked how much as I didn't want to give her nothing, and the figure was £55.

She's fully aware that I'm not in the same financial position as her & there's just no way I could afford that for a non-essential item this close to Christmas.

How do I politely decline? I don't want to seem stingy or rude.

Hi, been in a similar situation when a friend tried to sell me her phil and Ted's buggy/travel system for £400. Her reasoning was she paid £800 for it and had the car seat, accessories, tandum seat, buggy board attachment etc but I was soon to be 1st time mum planning 1yr of mat leave so having to ration my money as well as budget for all the bottles, baby grows, nappies etc so that sounded a ridiculous price as 4 kids had used it and I could buy something brand new for less.

I politely declined by saying actually my aunty has offered to buy me a buggy so I wont need it after all, thanks anyway.

She wasn't a close friend so I had to be polite but if it was a good mate I would just say sorry I cant afford that...but saying that a close made would just give it to me. What is this amazing item out of interest? Is it the perfect prep machine that makes up a bottle and warms it? I've heard that is amazing and it costs £200ish brand new so £55 would be a bargain.

Just saw it was a bouncy chair, glad you dodged that one. There are lots of great products for less then that. Chances are you might get one as a baby gift or in sales so just hold out.

We got our baby bjorn bouncer on eBay for £30. In fairness we’ve used it so much for each baby so it’s been a bargain but £55 is higher than the going rate for a second hand one.

I really don’t like this modern habit some people have of trying to flog their gear to their friends. I gave all my stuff away if i offered it to friends. The rest given to charity.

It just seems the height of bad manners. Different if someone puts on FB “do any of my mum friends have an old X Y or Z in the the loft they want to sell on? I’m looking for one for the new baby and I have £x budget for that item?”

But you don’t approach a friend and say “i’ll Sell you this for X pounds”. How rude!!

If it cost £70 a year ago there's NO WAY she'll get £55 for it now. £15 depreciation over a year is taking the piss

When did that happen anyway?? When I was a kid, people had nothing and STILL passed on their baby gear to friends and neighbours for free.

Generosity?

I know everyone is different but when I offer things to friends/family I no longer need, I offer it without expecting or wanting money for it.

Recently in fact I was doing a clear out (mostly stuff I had been gifted last Christmas which I never used) NO.7 sets, an Aldo handbag and a few of those Soap&Glory sets, I asked a friend via WhatsApp was any of it of use to her, she said it was, I gave it to her, end of story and I think if any of my friends asked me if I wanted something and then told me the price, I would laugh and tell them to wise up.

I would be honest. Just say "thank you, but I've been looking at finances and I need to cut back on spending a bit. Whilst I love your ???? I know we don't really need one so I'm afraid I will have to decline".
I know it is not the same, but we are in a situation at the moment where a relative of my DH keeps asking us to do something that we really are not interested in. DH didn't want to offend him so made excuses about our availability, childcare and so on but we are running out of things to say and I know we are either going to get found out or we will have to give in and go. If only he had just been honest in the first place it would have been much better.
Tell it (politely) like it is. Honesty really is the best policy.

Tell her the truth.
That of course you want it but you simply cannot afford that.
“Thank you, but I’ll have to say no - I can’t afford that. I think you’re so sweet to offer, though.”
You’re being polite & don’t let her rattle you.
Be firm.
Good luck & blessings on your new Baby! ❤️

@MintyMabel

☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼 PERFECT.

Why not tell her the truth?
If she is truly a friend, she will understand it.

Me and my friends know about each other’s financial situation and it makes life a lot easier that we can say things like: sorry, can’t go out to eat, let’s do that next month.

Some people are really weird/rude about money. I bought a pair of shoes once that I didn’t end up wearing at all. They were very expensive. My friend loved them and asked if I wanted to sell them to her. I said sure and offered her them for half what I paid.She got so snippy about it and told me I’d never get that much selling them on eBay. Well, I did get more than that on eBay. She was a cheapo and relying on my good nature to basically give them away. Bearing in mind I was a sahm and she earned a six figure salary at the time 🤨

We can all learn something from this - IF anyone is asked if they want ANYTHING from now on, the answer is “I would if I could afford it; have to look at my budget; have heard parents/aunt are thinking of getting me one for b’day/Xmas; I looked at those on eBay but they are usually too dear for me.

Charity shops are a good source, depending on area, some charge far too much because they are in a ‘good’ location, totally forgetting that the people using them are the less well off for whatever reason. I know they have to raise funds for good causes, but some don’t realise that their client base use second hand shops because they have no choice. One example where I live is Primark T shirts being on the rails for nearly twice the price in the original shop.

The OP could ‘suddenly have an unexpected bill and therefore cannot justify the cost’. ‘Sorry and all that, I forget that I have to stick to a budget now”.

We can all learn something from this

You only need people to be clear when they offer something:
would you like this? (free)
I am selling that for xx, interested?

job done.

I would just say, 'thanks for the offer but I won't be needing it now.' You don't really owe her any explanation as to why or have to tell her anything about your personal finances. Just say you've changed your mind, but hope she manages to sell it soon if she asks why, and don't worry about it.

@Countryescape

I’m not sure your post makes much sense. If you’re a SAHM who can afford to buy a “very expensive” pair of shoes (and then not even wear them), then it’s hard to understand the point you are trying to make about your richer friend trying to take advantage of their poorer friend.

I don’t know any SAHM who buy very expensive shoes themselves.

My colleague did this to me with an item that, although very useful, I could have got cheaper new online. I paid and have quietly resented it ever since.
OP, just say sorry, it’s beyond my budget, but I’m sure you can find a buyer on Facebook. (And then watch her drop the price...). There is absolutely nothing wrong with not having the money to buy something you never actually asked for in the first place.

“Sorry, I thought you were giving them away and just looking for a token amount like a tenner. I didn’t realise you needed to sell these on yourself, so I’ll pass.”

@CurlyhairedAssassin

@Countryescape didn’t say she bought the shoes whilst being SAHM. She may have bought them when she was working. Even if she did buy them as a SAHM that doesn’t mean her friend who earns 100k+ should get them from practically free.

That's a rip off. You can pick up baby stuff for buttons. I virtually have to pay people to take stuff as there's so much of it about.

£55 for one of the most commonly flogged for a tenner item on FB marketplace? She's having a laugh!

Even if she did buy them as a SAHM that doesn’t mean her friend who earns 100k+ should get them from practically free.

Why not? They were unwanted and this was a friend. If you knew for sure the friend was just going to accept them for free then sell them on herself for a profit then you’d be have a point.

I just don’t think some people know what a real friend is. There seem to be many people with FB friends, or acquaintances, but I just was not brought up with flogging baby equipment to proper friends. In our street all our parents passed stuff along, gratis, till they fell apart. PEople want money for everything these days. You only need to look the the shit that is up for sale on eBay.

Is this because some precious people want to buy everything new for their kid, but in reality can’t afford it all new, so they sell it on for nearly what they paid for it to recoup some costs, to lesser humans who can only afford to buy second hand?

There is just a lack of generosity of spirit in selling to (genuine) friends. IF everyone bought just one or two items brand new and then used stuff that their friends had passed on for free for the rest then the market would be not saturated with second hand stuff that people wanted a lot of money for.

Honesty is always the best policy. Thank her but say you can't afford it.