How do I politely decline?

[user6789]

I'm expecting very soon.

Friend has made multiple comments about 'having' a baby item of hers & how helpful it's been etc etc.

She asked again a few days ago if I was still wanting it and I said yes and asked how much as I didn't want to give her nothing, and the figure was £55.

She's fully aware that I'm not in the same financial position as her & there's just no way I could afford that for a non-essential item this close to Christmas.

How do I politely decline? I don't want to seem stingy or rude.

What @FetchezLaVache said - the embarrassment you're feeling is probably vicarious. Your friend has no style whatsoever.

^"thanks but I can't afford it" is an excellent reply and not rude at all. I also like the suggestion of changing the subject immediately, "when can we met up for coffee?"

Would you be comfortable saying like ‘this is a bit embarrassing but although I can see it would be useful with everything else and Christmas I’m going to have to decline your offer. But I’m sure there are others who will snap up such a bargain whenever you advertise it. Thanks for thinking of me. It’s just not a good time finance wise. ‘

Just be honest and say it's more than you can afford, and having thought about it, you're not really sure you'd use it anyway. But thank you for the lovely offer.

"Hey X, I've had a think/chat with DH and changed my mind about taking the [thing]. Sorry for the trouble."

I’d probably be honest and say something along the lines of ‘I could probably do with keeping hold of that money, with the new baby coming. Thank you for the offer though, I really do appreciate it’

How much would you be paying otherwise though for something you need?

It depends what it is. If it's a sleepyhead or next to me crib, seriously think if you can stretch to buy it as they do come in very handy, and can easily sell on at the end for the same price. Not what you asked I know!

Definitely frame as a joint decision. What is it? I can't think of an 'essential' baby item you would buy second hand costing that much (unless it's a travel system but then it's very specific to the size of your boot!)

Just say very definitively. Thanks so much for offering X but to be honest I don;t want it enough to justify spending that money on it.

The only ‘non essential’ I’ve not been able to do without with either of mine is a bjorn bouncer, otherwise I could have managed without most things (other than the obvious car seat, cot).

The other thing you could say is: we've decided not to buy anything until we know what the baby actually needs. If you haven;t sold it by then, I might well want it but please don't hang onto it on our behalf.

"Ah - out of my budget I'm afraid, but I do appreciate it's probably worth that. Thanks for thinking of me"

Just say thank you, but actually we have had a think and don't need one anymore. Or something, or just no thank you. Don't end up having it just because you feel too awkward to say something.

Ah, she's been bigging up her item to you, hasn't she?! 'Oh, it's been so useful' … hmmm, if it's that useful, then she'll sell it easily and quickly, won't she? But she probably is hoping she can offload it on you and not have to bother advertising and picking through the potential buyers. I really do think honesty is the best policy here: saying you can't afford it may lead to her coming back to you with an offer, such as you paying her back monthly. If there is a price that you would happily pay, then tell her that. If you want to tell a white lie, then say your DM has sourced a second hand one so she is free to sell hers. I think she is using you a little: please don't buy the item just because she's a friend and you feel embarrassed or backed into a corner.

"Just had a think and weighed up costs and I just can't justify it this time of year I'm afraid, sorry to mess you about"

Not a big deal OP, don't worry.

Please just be firm with her.
I got persuaded into paying well over the odds for a really awful double buggy I would never ever have picked out for myself by my overbearing aunt who asked me if I was buying a double buggy, and turned up at my house with it demanding payment. She made me feel I would be offending the whole family if I said no. I regretted it every time I used the damn thing.
I didn't have Mumsnet in those days. But you do!

It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘obvious’ or not. If you can’t afford it then just say you can’t afford it

You politely decline by politely declining as per suggestions from pps. It really doesn’t matter if it’s obvious to her why and manners/social convention would be that she politely accepts your polite declinature!

If she gets pushy about it, knowing it’s because you can’t afford it, then really that would indicate that while you’re worrying about seeming rude she has no such concerns! Hopefully that won’t happen but honestly, the ability to politely refuse offers, invitations etc is a skill worth developing. The alternative is that you go along with things (like spending £55 you can ill afford) out of fear of what people might think.

I wonder how much these things fetch on eBay. Then take minimum 20% off. This is the price. She is talking about money. You can too and tell her straight it’s out of your price range.

"Actually, we've been thinking carefully about things and budgeting in anticipation of me being on mat leave, and we've realised that there are other essentials that we're going to have to prioritise. Babies are expensive, aren't they?! Your XXX sounds amazing though - I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding a buyer. Thanks a lot for thinking of me and giving me first option, though."

You could always shift all of the awkwardness straight back on to her.

"How much are you wanting for it?"
"£55."
"BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!! How much really?!"

Or maybe even reply: "Lol."

There's nothing wrong with being honest. Just tell her you don't have that kind of money spare for things that aren't essential. I'm not sure what she's trying to give you, but if it was any of my friends, I'd give it to them for free if it was no longer use to me - no matter how much it cost!

Just say "Ah thanks, it sounds great and I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I just can't afford it right now. I've just been doing my budget for Christmas, and realising that I need to limit spending to the absolute essentials only. Sorry for messing you around - I hope you can get a good price for it on Ebay".

I don't get this type of person
You need money for something ebay/gumtree etc
You don't need the money-give it to your friend