To ask for practical tips to surviving a newborn and a just turned 2 year old

[Justasconfusedwithnumber2]

Just that really. Due in January and Dc1 has just turned two. All of a sudden I am having flash backs of waking every hour, breastfeeding whilst sat in front of the TV for HOURS through developmental leaps and going for a wee with baby on my lap. These are just 3 things I have no idea how I will cope with whilst entertaining a 2 year old 4 days a week.

Any practical advice please? Especially how to prepare? I am already off work due to health so have 3 'free' days if there's things I can get ahead of.

I loved my double and used it for over a year but DC1 was still napping for about 90 minutes for most of the first year of DC2's life. We were out and about most of the time so having somewhere they could both sleep was essential and the Mountain Buggy Duet we had fitted everywhere.

I used a sling loads and carried it as an option to swap baby in and out of all the time but wouldn't have managed without the double buggy too.

Mine still naps in the day so can be a pain when out and lo falling asleep, suppose depends if you drive or get public transport. Maybe if you drive it wouldn’t be as essential. My 2 year old also has tantrums sometimes so easy to just stick her in the pram if she’s playing up/in a rush. I did try the baby in a sling but honestly I found slings so annoying and nowhere near as great people made out. I found it really impractical tbh having a baby strapped to me all the time when out.

I’m not the only one who said to get a double loads of posters have

Having survived two under two, the best advice is to be kind to yourself! Try to avoid overthinking and on the harder days remind yourself that your children are fed, warm and loved. As are you. The rough day will pass.

I wouldn’t have managed without the double either, you would think I was the only one who suggested it 😂. Get a double that can turn into a single then and then you’ve got both options surely. I see way more people out with a double pram that I do with a single and carrying a baby in a sling at the same time. I found that really hard to manage personally. I’ve rarely seen it. The only mum I know who did that soon swapped over to a double.

Sorry PumpkinP it wasn’t that I was singling you out or criticising, it’s just that you posted directly above me so I referred to yours rather than go back through and name check everyone who recommended a double. Sorry if I offended you.

I’m sure if your toddler still naps then a double is essential, mine dropped her nap completely at 20 months so we had a different experience.

I'm also planning for no. 2 in Feb so getting lots of tips on here! I'm planning an activity jar that DD1 can choose from as a treat when bf baby, things like watch Peter rabbit, build a fort, have a tea party etc. And also plan to be heavily dependent on CBeebies with no guilt. My HV recommended Mr Tumble I also have researched some little known childcare facilities - my gym does 4 hrs crèche time for a modest fee (far cheaper than nursery) and my local govt building does 2 hrs free crèche if you're using the cafe! My local yoga studio also runs drop in theory sessions that babies & toddlers can come to. No chance my 2yr old will sit in a buggy so I'm not getting a double. Going for sling and hoping for best!

I use a single and a sling or double aling my toddler and baby I've never used a double with a 22m age gap. I just get really grumpy at buggies.

It's hard but manageable, though I disagree thst things get easier after the first few months.

In my experience it's the opposite. For the first few months baby slept a lot in the Day, and would feed in the sling well and that's pretty much all they'd do. When older but still young you have less rest time with naps, baby is easier disturbed and they have more complex demands. And people expect them to be sleeping better and you managing it better But actually you're often balancing weaning and returning to work and often sleep is still shocking (my 7 month old sleeps far worse now than in her first 3 months)

But Im one of those weirdos that find the new born stage a doddle compared to the rest.

Things that I've found helpful are:

• feeding in the sling and general sling use.
• Get clothes downstairs the night before

-use CBeebies as a tool.

Peppa pig, coffee and friends with kids who will let you moan and make you laugh. Let your older one be more independent, remember you are just one person and be gentle on yourself. Aim low, every day.

Oh and don't try to get the baby to feed in a sling so you can do more jobs/play with toddler at the same time. Feeding the baby IS a job so have a cup of tea, sit down and whack on the TV for 10 mins for your other kid.

I had about 20 months between mine. Second was a c section so had the recovery of that to contend with as well. First born hadn’t long learned to walk and was still very dependant but also desperate to get out and about and do things. I’d like to say the first year was the hardest and it gets easier but actually I’m finding a 3 year old and a 17 month old harder than two little ones. Practically speaking make sure you have a sling. Learn how to breast feed in it on the move. This was a godsend in the early days as I was able to go to parks/the farm and general days out without too much fuss as the baby could feed whilst I ran around after the toddler. Get lots of books you can read to the older one whilst feeding. Don’t be afraid to put the tv on. CBeebies is your friend. Lower your standards for the very everything, housework (apart from the essentials) can wait. Also you won’t be out of the house on time for quite a while so find some understanding friends!
It’s mostly just the shock of having to divide your time between them that is tricky. Your first born will be used to having you all to themselves and you will be used to giving them 100%. They get used to the change of dynamics fairly quickly and they hopefully will be thrilled with their new playmate in a few months when they begin to move etc. Good luck. None of us knows exactly what we’re doing, we’re all just winging it!

Just thought of something else reading all these replies.
We didn't get a double buggy in the end, we ended up getting a buggy board.

Toddler insists on walking (running) everywhere and won't sit still in a buggy anymore. The buggy board is awesome as it helps him if he does get tired and doesn't want to walk anymore and it feels as though he's pushing the buggy so he feels more involved. It also really helps when crossing the road, the rule is that he gets on the buggy board for that and stays on untill we are across the road.
I also used it earlier this afternoon for the first time to balance a shopping basket on in Asda as well as holding another one.
Game changer!!

PumpkinP I replied to you because you weren't just saying that a double worked but explicitly saying don't bother with slings and being adamant that the OP would "cave" and stop using them.

Slings helped me, they made my life easier, so there was no temptation to cave - it's a bit like saying don't buy that chocolate cake, you'll cave and eat cabbage soup anyway if you're talking to someone who slings might work best for.

It depends on the sling and the person, but I found I was always pushing an empty pram one handed and carrying Dc1 because she hated the pram, so it was no surprise that a fabric wrap sling was such a massive help with dc2.

I’m doing it now - got a two week old and two year old - and it’s MUCH easier than I thought it would be. My advice:

• I have made an enclosed play area in the living room for the toddler, which is filled with fun toys and books and a little den and stuff he loves, so if I need to feed the baby I can pop toddler in there, he’s happy and entertained, and I know he’s safe (but can keep an eye on him while I feed baby on sofa).
• At night I co-sleep and breastfeed which I also did with my first. Absolute savior - baby and I lie down together while I feed her and doze. She falls asleep and when I wake up I pop her in the Moses basket beside my bed. It means I get a full nights sleep and don’t have to deal with two babies while tired!
• Carrycot in the living room for baby to nap safely within eyesight while I play with toddler.
• Baby is really easy at this age - just sleeps and eats - so after a feed I pop her in the pram and take toddler for a long walk or to the playground to wear him out if he’s wearing me out!
• Wear baby in sling when she doesn’t want to be put down but I have stuff to do
• I batch cooked every day for the last couple of weeks before baby was born so I don’t have to cook for either me or toddler! This is a definite life saver.
• When my husband is home we make sure we each take it in turns to make a fuss of toddler, playing with him while the other watches the baby, to prevent any jealousy from toddler.
• I’ve made a deal with myself to be more relaxed and stop giving myself a hard time about TV at this time (as I normally get really bad mum guilt about the TV). So for example if toddler is sat in his high chair and finishes eating before I finish feeding the baby, I leave him in there a bit longer and put Peppa on! He’s happy and buys me more time to feed and settle baby.

Honestly I didn’t know how I would cope but it’s been fine! I’ve really loved the last couple of weeks since bringing baby home! Good luck

Congrats OP. I had DS2 when DS1 was 21mths. Hard work obviously, but no regrets in having a small gap, they are 18 & 16 now and are very close brothers. My advice would be to accept any help offered. Rest when you can. Don’t stress about the housework, just get the important bits done, and mostly try to enjoy it, before you know it, they are grown up.

Oh one tip I forgot: buy a slow cooker (I put food in mine before the toddler wakes up and leave it on low all day) and stock the freezer with easy to cook foods for when you just can’t be arsed.

Thanks all. One question, and it's daft, but how safe is it going about some chores with baby in a sling. I am not envisaging much besides frying meat off etc for the slow cooker but that can't be ideal with a baby in a sling? Or am I being precious.... And I guess I need one of those sealed coffee cups to contemplate a drink with baby in tow (I think I've forgotten everything I did with number 1!)

Put the baby down for a nap at the same time as the toddler. I would lie with them both to ensure no one was disturbed. By a couple of months the baby was having the same 3 hour (or more) nap every afternoon as the toddler. And I could get on with whatever I wanted to... mostly also napping. It lasted until they went to school, absolute bliss.

Frieda, how old are your kids now, if you don't mind me asking?

@Justasconfusedwithnumber2: don't worry about browning meat for slow cooker! I experimented with browning meat and without and there was literally no difference. No one could tell. After that I never bothered.

My best advice is lower all expectations 🤣 let the 2 year old watch as much telly as they like, keep toddler snacks to hand to just throw in their general direction whenever needed, as well as snacks for you...we just got out and about, baby in sling, toddler in buggy, I found being in the house all day super hard but once we got our baby would sleep and toddler was entertained. It is hard work at the start but that phase then passes so quickly and you’re on to the next stage!

It might not be as bad as you're anticipating. My 2nd breastfed very efficiently pretty much from birth, so a 10-15 minute feed every two hours. We mostly watched Peppa Pig during feeds although we got out a lot too. She only cluster fed in the evenings when DH was around.

Honestly: enjoy it!

I have had 2 very small aged gaps (2 years or less). It's actually really easy, as a toddler is easier to entertain than an older child. They can potter about while you are feeding the baby.

With the chores in the sling question, I bring baby into kitchen in her rocking chair strapped in with a couple of toys or dangly things so she can see me while I wash up/cook. Sometimes she crys because she wants to be held, but not often. It makes it better for her as she can see me and I chat to her and make a fuss of her every few mins.

I tried washing up in the sling and it just wasn't practical for me at all. DD really hated being in it. You might find the opposite. I personally wouldn't cook with her in it but I'm sure that there will be others that have mastered the skill. I was really scared to do that too.

I sometimes cook with the baby in the sling, nothing too elaborate, just boiling pasta and adding sauce type thing. Don’t bother frying meat off for the slow cooker, as someone else said it makes no difference.

Now she’s a bit older I put her in a chair where she can see me and let the toddler entertain her by playing musical pots and pans.

Sealed coffee cup is a good investment, keeps it warm and limits the damage if toddler knocks it over.

Peppa Pig is a lifesaver.