To ask for practical tips to surviving a newborn and a just turned 2 year old

[Justasconfusedwithnumber2]

Just that really. Due in January and Dc1 has just turned two. All of a sudden I am having flash backs of waking every hour, breastfeeding whilst sat in front of the TV for HOURS through developmental leaps and going for a wee with baby on my lap. These are just 3 things I have no idea how I will cope with whilst entertaining a 2 year old 4 days a week.

Any practical advice please? Especially how to prepare? I am already off work due to health so have 3 'free' days if there's things I can get ahead of.

Your age gap is tough at first but you’ll reap the benefits later in terms of easier logistics/similar interests. Mine was an older
2yo and it’s now hit me there will be 3 school years difference and it will be an utter pain having two locations for 3 years.

I think with no.2 a sling is essential. With my first I used it a handful of times. With my second, I barely used the buggy and much preferred the sling.

I tried to keep things the same for my 2 year
Old as much as possible. We carried on with nursery, same routine and schedule. The baby had to fit around her.

Try and keep your 2 year old napping as long as possible. It made a real difference in the early days to have that mental break.

Your toddler’s needs are far more complex than the baby’s. Unless you get unlucky with reflux or something else, you’ll wonder why the newborn stage was hard with your 1st. The hard bit is managing the sleep deprivation when you’ve got a toddler raring to go.

Tv was my friend. It helped us all enormously but I’ve had pangs of guilt. Don’t worry about using it as a babysitter and don’t feel bad as loads of people use CBeebies.

Doing double nappies is pretty horrid and I had moments of despair when both had done poos and I didn’t know who to prioritise. I ended up potty training child no.1 with a newborn which isn’t recommended but I think it would have been harder with a 6mo plus.

I had a 21 month gap. Double buggy, sling and a cleaner for the first 2 months were my absolutely life savers. We have only just stopped using the double buggy after 2 years! As PP have said it's very useful to have them both safely contained sometimes.
Child 1 didn't go to nursery while I was on mat leave and we all survived just fine. They're 2 and almost 4 now and it's a great age gap.

If you are breastfeeding you can read to toddler while you are feeding.
I got toucan boxes delivered so that I had a steady stream of crafts to do with the older child because you might not be able to get out in the same way as before.
More nursery hours but that’s me!
Don’t worry. Use the tv if you need to.

Replenish your changing bag/whatever you use as soon as you get in. Then it will be ready to just pick up when you've wrestled both into their mode of transportation.

Yes, definitely get out of the house as much as possible. When feeding the baby when out, make sure that toddler is strapped into a buggy or highchair if you're not somewhere self-contained as two year olds can run FAST.

Yes to a changing station with supplies downstairs as well as up if you have more than one level.

Sticker books are useful. Top tip - remove the 'negative space' from each page so that the toddler can take the stickers off independently.

My toddler had been in nursery for two days a week, and we kept that going as I knew I was going back to work and she'd only just started there. It gave me a chance to do stuff either in or out of the house that is quicker without a toddler in tow and a break from someone standing next to me saying, 'mummy, mummy, mummy'. It also gave her a break from the baby.

I started preparing tea straight after breakfast eg chopping onions. If I did bits throughout the day, it was more or less ready to cook at tea time.

Try to keep the toddler napping during the day for as long as possible. It improves their mood as well as giving you a breather.

Get a double buggy. I didn't have one and it was a pita always having to use a sling. My toddler didn't like the baby in her buggy, so sometimes I couldn't put him down even if she was happy playing. Also useful for transporting stuff.

Cbeebies is a must. Alternate with DVDs if you like. Mine enjoyed the Clangers, Bagpuss, Peter Rabbit etc. I guess technology gives many more options now.

If you have a freezer, either batch cook and freeze meals or buy ready mades. If I had had the cash, I would have used something like All Plants for a month or so.

Online shopping also a must.

I had a 19 month gap - particularly tough as my Mum had died 7 months before number 2 was due.

I guess we just coped. We watched quite a bit of TV whilst I was breastfeeding (tell your HV to fuck off and do what you need to at times!)

We also really valued the double buggy - we had a Mountain Buggy Duet and it was a lifesaver. We used to go out walking and when were both asleep I would have a book and a coffee and sit quietly for a bit whenever I could.

Most of all... remember my mantra...

"Low expectation equals high satisfaction"

You will get by - just don't expect everything to be as you would like it all the time!

A live-in nanny.

Some great tips, thanks

Double buggy and cleaner once a week if you can.
Get a list of easy meals that everyone can eat. One pot meals are pretty good as there’s less washing up. Prep lunches and dinners in the morning as the dcs seem to be easier then. Then you can grab lunches and take them out with you if you decide to go out.
Don’t feel guilty about lots of tv for your toddler.
Do go out every day if you can.
Have evenings out with friends and without the dcs even if it’s just for an hour or so initially.

• A few favourite tv shows recorded to be watched when baby was feeding. About half an hour each feed was usually ok.
• Baby in a sling if unsettled.
• Walking reins for the 2 year old which I could have on my wrist whilst still being able to push the buggy with 2 hands. The 2 year old was a bolter.
• Baby slept in a buggy during the day. We had a moses basket but the 2 year old nearly knocked it over a couple of times when it was downstairs. The buggy was more stable.

That's about all I can remember.

Second babies are so much more adaptable - as much as possible keep to toddlers routine.
Always have nappy bag packed and ready to go (refill as soon as you get home).
Slings are great in the house if baby won't settle your still hands free for toddler.
It's amazing what you can do while breastfeeding (make meals, read books or play a game).
Give toddler a gift from baby of a game, jigsaw, craft, book that you can sit and do while feeding.
Accept offers of help.
Bath both together and anything else that saves time. Just make sure you have everything to hand.
Get toddler helping eg fetching nappies etc.
Instead of a changing station upstairs have one downstairs too where you can keep an eye on toddler while changing baby.
Expect toddler to want to sit on your knee as soon as you start feeding!
Have lots of portion sized snacks and drinks that toddler can access by self (pop them daily in a tub in fridge dc will feel very grown up choosing self a snack).
Have lots of preprepared home cooked meals frozen so for first few weeks you don't have to worry about meal planning.
Food shop online.
Have a play pen if worried about toddler picking up baby when you use the loo /answer the door.
Talk to dc regarding your expectations around the baby rather than saying no all the time once baby arrives. My nephew was caught feeding my new born a biscuit because he thought it nice to share!
Lower your expectations of self in short term and try not to be too hard on yourself - if some days all that happens is you all eat drink and watch TV it won't harm anyone and congratulate yourself for getting through the day.

Mine are just over two years apart.

The things that helped me:

• Getting DD ready for and excited about being a big sister, lots of positive storybooks on the subject and telling her up front about how noisy babies could be. Learning about babies up front really helped her handle the change and understand that babies cry but everything is OK.
• A ring sling so I could feed the baby while doing whatever DD needed at the same time (eg great at bedtime, I could read to DD and get her off to sleep while feeding)
• Travel cot downstairs so there was somewhere safe to put the baby for a few minutes when needed
• Taking them both out for a walk every day, kept me sane and wore DD out a bit so she would be happy doing something quieter and less energetic while I was breast feeding
• Double buggy was a godsend (even if DD had a meltdown while I was out alone with both of them I could strap her in there safely so I could still manage them both). I used a pushchair and buggy board when DD was older. There were loads of double buggy’s and buggy boards around second hand so you can get them cheap.
• We kept DD in nursery one day a week so I could have some time to focus on just the baby too.
• CBeebies helped too!

Hope that helps

Sling
Handy toddler snacks

Also. Toddlers are damn well useful for fetching things

Dc due Jan and dd will be 22m
I'm just going by the approach of see what happens each day.. If I think too much I'll get in a stress
I do have a teen who will held when not at school. But also a dh who sleeps thro anything.. I mean anything until I physically nudge him hard to wake with a crying baby lol
But always looking for tips.

Only thing that concerns me is the needing the loo. I either take baby up or dd. If take dd she likes to try and help with the tissue ( so I distract with here's your toothbrush and paste. But she also rake ages to walk up stairs and won't let us carry her. Thinking of the post partum days of needing to dash quickly with less control
Or disturb baby and take baby with me.

I'm actually 4 months into your dilemma 🙈

TV is a friend, not your enemy. There are loads of educational things on tv for your toddler if you need to use it to distract them.

Stagger their meal times so they dont expect to be fed at the same time. Not always possible but I've mostly achieved this.

Try and make them nap at the same time. Awwww it's just bliss tucking them both up for a couple hours and crawling back to bed 😂

I separate my 2 with stair gates so I can use the toilet without having to worry. A shower can be trickier. Either I dont nap with the kids, shower before they get up, or quickly shower while older DD is in her high chair engrossed in her favourite movie (frozen) and I know I have 5 minutes.

I had a similar age gap (and then a smaller one with 3rd and 4th baby!!) honestly...... when it's hard (and it's not always, 2 years is a nice gap) and you feel exhausted just get through the day, do whatever makes life easier, accept any help offered and pick your battles!!
When mine were little it was a bit overwhelming now and again but I wouldn't change it they are similar ages so enjoy the same things and play together really well.

Sticker books are good for toddlers. And things like aqua doodle - doesnt make a mess. And if need the loo - put baby in moses basket and take toddler with you. Playpens are also great if need toddler or baby somewhere safe for a couple of mins. Toddlers also like to help...not sure how much help they actually are though !

I had a 9yr old and a 2yr old when my youngest was born (literally 2 days after the 2yr olds birthday) lol
Not sure how I coped - stayed very organised, write down what times he'd had bottles etc. Made up bottles in advance too.
Best thing I did was had a pram for downstairs so I could wheel baby around the house whilst minding other two aswell. I'd had a c section with third too so saved carrying baby up and down stairs for naps etc.
Not sure if, how or when I got dressed - I must have at some point I suppose 😂😂😂

I have just had my second, 7 weeks in. So far these things have helped.
Take as much help as you can get. Friends, grandparents, siblings.
Meal prep frozen meals that can just me thrown in. I also meal prepped 8 weeks worth of food for the toddler.
Do the food shop online and get it delivered.
Get a good double pram (ideally not side by side, then you can fit in more places )
We put a travel cot in the living room, so we have somewhere close by to put the baby down away from the toddler trying to slap them in the face. Then you can run to the loo or stick the washing on.
We have kept our eldest in daycare two days a week which has been a god send and gives me time alone with baby to bond and recover.
If you can afford it hire a cleaner for the first few weeks.
I also try and take the toddler out at least once a week by themselves so they get that one on one time.
You have to be super organised the night before if you want to get out in the morning the next day. Get the nappy bag packed, the pram ready to go, snacks sorted. Then in the morning I get up and quickly get ready while my husband is still here. It's so much easier to get out of the door that way!
Also in the second week when I was struggling to juggle it all, my mum sat me down and said for the first few months you have to just drop your standards and get through each day. The house doesn't have to be spotless as long as everyone is fed your doing great.
Good luck

I don't know what I'd have done without CBeebies!!!!

Be super organised! Get you & DP in the habit of cooking dinner ready the night before so it can just be heated up when needed. Always pack changing bag ready night before with snacks or lunch for toddler. Get everyone's clothes ready etc.

And get a good sling!!

wine and denial

My toddler loved tv so I would strap him into his buggy in front of the tv and put the baby in the cot upstairs if I needed the loo.

I mainly survived by having 2yo in nursery 2days per week through my maternity leave, but that may be cheating!