To ask for practical tips to surviving a newborn and a just turned 2 year old

[Justasconfusedwithnumber2]

Just that really. Due in January and Dc1 has just turned two. All of a sudden I am having flash backs of waking every hour, breastfeeding whilst sat in front of the TV for HOURS through developmental leaps and going for a wee with baby on my lap. These are just 3 things I have no idea how I will cope with whilst entertaining a 2 year old 4 days a week.

Any practical advice please? Especially how to prepare? I am already off work due to health so have 3 'free' days if there's things I can get ahead of.

I had a travel cot in the living room for putting dc2 in when necessary and used a sling (didymous wrap) for many, many hours (I had a c section but did this from when he was 10 days old. His weight went off the top of the charts at 4 months old but if you carry them from very early you don't notice the increase in weight).

I learned to breastfeed in the wrap.

I made a major concerted effort to focus on dc1 and keep her routine, and have dc2 next to my skin. We had no jealousy at all until dc2 started walking, when he was suddenly another child like her not a baby which was more in the puppy category in her eyes .

Dc2 was my most contented baby but of course I have no idea whether there was any causal relationship with being in the wrap next to my heartbeat most of the time - I think there was, but that's purely a personal opinion. Either way it made the first 6 months with a toddler and newborn very easy - 23 month gap.

I actually found my later 3 year/ 5 years gap from dc2/dc1 to dc3 very significantly more difficult because the baby had to fit around a getting dc1 to school and dc2 to preschool routine, which involved waking a sleeping baby, interrupting breastfeeding to leave for school (too far to walk with the sling as we're very rural and miles from a school), falling asleep in the car, the big kids having friends over who wanted to play with the newborn and had to be told no having been told by their parents I'd be glad of the help from a 5 year old for some incomprehensible reason... and all that awkwardness.

Good luck

There’s 22 months between my two youngest and I had an 11 month gap between two older ones. I love routines. So help get your older one in to good sleep/bedtime routines now if they don’t have them already and they will feel less unsettled when baby comes if you still keep to them. Out in fresh air at least once a day etc.
Get toddler to help with things, mine tells me whenever baby has been sick, gets me nappies and puts nappies on her teddy at same time, loves to put nappies in sacks in the bin.
Use babygros a lot, so much less faff!
Prep toddler lunch earlier and leave in fridge ready, use slow cooker a lot - evenings can be hard without adding in cooking.
My youngest is now seven months old, goes to bed at same time as big sister in same room, eats the same things and is constantly entertained by watching and interacting with her - they are very close.
Accept you will be very tired, discuss and agree on ways to get rest with your partner...my husband would have young baby from 8/9 till midnight feed and I’d sleep/try to sleep in another room.
Oh and btw - please don’t let a health visitor’s well-meaning advice adversely affect your little family... if there is a bit more tv for a couple of months you are not a bad parent! Talk to toddler about the programme they are watching, choose ones that are educational etc.
Also - pkaydough and gloop can keep toddlers entertained for hours.

I have a 3 year old DS and a 4 month old DD.
I've never used my slow cooker so much in my life. Toddler is exactly the same as I was as a kid, bags of energy and super hyper. He has no off switch. DD is teething badly and won't be put down.
I invested in a crap load of frozen veggies and use my slow cooker alot. Chilli, spag bol, stews, jambalaya, curries etc. All slow cooker. Takes me 5 mins to chuck it all in. Job done.

Also I take DS to soft play alot. He's in nursery 3 mornings a week. Will be in nursery for 30 hours in January. He's just such a fireball it's just not fair to keep him cooped up all day. I like soft play as I'm surrounded by other mothers and can BF DD without feeling like im on display.

For the loo. I leave DD in her moses and take DS with me. He's potty training anyway so it's good for him to see how it all works.

You will be fine. You end up coping. Because you don't have any choice not to.

Thanks all these tips are brilliant. I will have a chat with DH about getting a double pram and start collecting some bits for toddler to do while I am bfeeding. I think I just need to get over the mum guilt and develop thicker skin before baby is even here! It does help I am so so tired already and know it will get harder, albeit in won't have this monstrous bump!

I have brought a babybjorn mini so am hoping I can figure out a way to feed baby in that, or maybe invest in a cloth one as well.

So, so much to do still

I’d also say for me and many of my friends, things felt easier physically once the baby came. In some ways I found it harder being pregnant with a toddler then having the newborn because I was so knackered and immobile.

I mainly survived by having 2yo in nursery 2days per week through my maternity leave, but that may be cheating!

It’s not cheating, it’s maintaining your sanity!!

I have 2yrs and 10days apart (managed to push c section back or they were going to be on same day!).

Pre made lunches and snacks in boxes ready to be heated or just eaten.
Box under the sofa with nappies, cream, spare clothes etc for both.
Kept TV and music videos (dd1 loves baby bum) so I could use it when I realllly needed it like cluster feeds.or bad days.
Access to books for toddler so they can pick and bring to you to read.
Access to toys rotate when you remember but doesn't have to be every day.
If you're feeding at toddler nap time my toddler used to snuggle up on sofa with us and nap - let them!
I couldn't wear a sling so kept pram in front room. If toddler was happy I would carry on snuggling baby but tried to put baby in once a day to spend time with toddler.

Probably the best advice was find/make 5mins for you to go have a shower at least every other day.

My children are 18 months apart and I breastfed. You just sort of manage, I don’t think there’s a magic tip. We had a very well baby proofed house anyway so even if I was sat on the sofa breastfeeding I could just let the older one play in the living room. My husband did the food shopping and all cooking so I never had to juggle that, so make sure your husband is pulling his weight. Generally speaking though you just get on with it. Join some baby groups it’ll get you out the house even if like me you find them mildly irritating haha, I still went though.

My children are 3 and 2 now the 2 year old refused to give up breastfeeding until he’d turned 2 so I never got a full nights sleep, he was still waking up 2/3 times a night at 2!! It’s just about getting easier now though and I can finally say I am glad of the smallish age gap, it was flipping hard for the first 18 months, I won’t lie. Do whatever you can to make life easier and smile and nod at the health visitors suggestions, I got very good at that!

Focus on the 2 year old. He’s the one that knows what’s going on. If the baby is warm, fed and safe he’s fine.

I only had ds but my then husband had MS & when ds was a toddler I had to spend a lot of time doing physio & caring for dad. My saviours were Cbeebies, making sure there were always lots of snacks things available that only took a couple of minutes to put on a plate, I had a box in the fridge that had cut up cucumber sticks, carrots, baby tomatoes, separate boxes with cubes of cheese, slices of ham, chicken, plus lots of things like apple, sliced grapes, bananas, crackers, breadsticks, tiny pots of jelly or yoghurt. I also found a market stall that sold childrens comic back issues so I bought loads of the character ones with stickers & plastic crap that ds loved. If husband was going through a bad spell, I sent him to bed in the afternoon & would put ds in the pram & we would go out if the weather was ok, he could nap in the pram, if weather was rough he would sit & be read to & then drop off. While he was asleep, I would prepare evening meal, have a hot drink myself & sit & read if I had the time. In a morning if husband wasn't too bad I would give ds breakfast & some days put him in bed with husband whie I whizzed round with Hoover, sorted washing & tidied up.

My MIL generally only gives advice when asked for it, but two of the few bits of unsolicited advice that I really appreciated were

1. Take care of the older one first whenever possible. The younger one won't remember if you waited five minutes to feed them to finish a story or bandage a scraped knee, but the older one will.
2. The first four months will be hard for all of you, particularly with the toddler's behaviour. Be gentle with each other. As much as we like to pretend they are not being "replaced", they will feel exactly like that is happening and will act accordingly.

My age gap was 4 years so it definitely held up, and I actually really did notice a difference in the toddler's insane behaviour at right about 4 months.

Get your eldest to 'help' with the new baby. E.g. keep nappies, wipes, bibs etc easily accessible so that when your DC follows you when you are changing/ bathing/ feeding etc, they can be 'mummy's helper' and 'the best big S/B'. This gives them a valuable 'role' in helping, which can reduce jealousy and promote their self esteem.

Keep talking to your eldest, explaining what you are doing and why. E.g. 'little James' is crying, shall we see if we can find out why ? Ah, he's got a dirty nappy ! When we change it and clean him, do you think he will be happy again ? Let's try and see, can you help me ?

If you continually engage him in what you are doing, you are teaching him about the baby, his abilities to help, and you are not switching off your attention but engaging with your eldest and becoming a 'team' ie. a family.

When your eldest needs a rest from 'helping' they'll let you know ( can I watch Paw Patrol instead mummy ? etc)

Congratulations and enjoy them :)

This was me back in April... 6 months down the line and things are a little easier now.

There's a lot of mum guilt with the 2 (she's almost 3 now) year old but you just end up creating a new normal and getting on with it.

I can't remember just having 1 child now!

God I really don’t remember

Ds was born on the 4th and Dd turned 2 on the 26th of the same month.

I remember dh had one child and I had the other for a little while.

I remember I had dd in nursery a couple of days a week but apart from that I really don’t remember..

They are 4 and 6 now so obviously it went ok

And yes a double pram is definitely needed!!!

Even if your oldest is a good walker, it’s best to have a back up when they are tired

I recommend the out n about

I'm 37 weeks preggo with my 2nd so can't advise but someone told me that for the toddler it can feel so 1 sided. They are being told to wait, play nicely, not right now, in a minute etc. They said that if you are talking to the toddler or doing something with the toddler and the baby cries or wants your attention to say 'not right now baby, in a miniye, I'm talking to {toddler}' so the toddler feels heard and chosen. Obviously the baby has no idea haha

I'm not sure this is helpful. I have a 2.5 year old and a 6mo- their birthdays are 10 days apart (and two years). It's SO hard to begin with and I'd say do whatever gets you through the beginning. If that means quite a bit more screen time for the toddler for a few months, that's okay, it's not forever. If your toddler naps, nap with them both. It's easy to say 'sleep when the baby sleeps' but that's not possible with a toddler in two. If you haven't got a good bedtime routine in place, now is the time to do so. Then you can go to sleep once they do. It will be so much easier five months down the line, I promise. Might be worth getting a few Bribes for the toddler so that if they're playing up and you're exhausted, they'll quieten down. Best of luck, it's fab having them at this age, DD dotes on her sibling and couldn't love them more

Does your 2 year old go to nursery? I would advise sucking up the cost and sending her there for the first few weeks until you feel up to it. It was a lifesaver for me

Clothes laid out for everyone the night before. Shower at night when both asleep and partner around instead of trying to do it in the morning. Online food shopping.

I have a 17 month gap between mine who are now 4 months and 21 months, I got a play pen for the front room as the hardest thing was stopping the toddler from getting to the baby, he was always trying to wake him, whack him with toys and put things in his mouth, it means I can safely leave them in the room together as the baby sleeps in his mamaroo in the playpen. When I breastfed the baby or pumped I strapped the toddler into his high chair with the TV on, not ideal I know but it worked for us.

Seriously get a double buggy. Don’t bother with slings and a single you will soon cave and get the double so just get it to start with. Also mine were born a year apart, breastfed easily, wasn’t a problem. Lots of people have children close together I have a 8 yr old 7 yr old 5 yr old and 2 yr old. You just get on with it (all were bf)

Haha id say the opposite to PumpkinP. 19 month gap between mine, bought a bugaboo donkey and used it all of 5 times (worst money I’ve ever spent). DD1 hated going in the buggy so it was easier for me to use a single and take a sling for the rare occasions DD1 needed to rest her legs.
So my advice would be to buy a cheap, secondhand double!

Haven't read all the posts about pram options but I second getting a double pram, at first we had a tandem but I found it to hard to manoeuvre as the toddler went at the front and he is huge so was hard to steer. (Mothercare Genie) we swapped to a Britax B- agile double and it's great although wider than other doubles, we do have a single that we use for when we just take one of the kids somewhere and I did try having the baby in the sling and the toddler in the single stroller but it was a nightmare, couldn't do anything and if I had to change the toddler when I was out it was so hard to do it whilst the baby was strapped to me

Wear the baby all the time. We went on holiday with DD2 when she was six weeks on and I have one single photo of her because she just lived in the sling wrap happy as can be. Lots of sticker books for older one. Daily walk each morning to buy bread or whatever little outing. Keep expectations low. Lots of cuddles for all

SoyDora I agree with you and have the opposite experience/ opinion to Pumpkin. I was given a second hand double but only used it two or three times and every time I ended up getting the baby out and putting him in the sling and Dc1 walking holding what became an oversized changing bag trolley.

Babies need to be held and a wrap sling lets you do that hands free while pushing your dc1 on a swing or holding their hand, instead of always having to choose which child to ignore. Some people are slaves to the pram not the actual baby IMO - you hear people complaining about not being able to do things with a pram/ double buggy and it really is the actual pram/ double buggy that's the problem, not the baby and toddler!