To ask for practical tips to surviving a newborn and a just turned 2 year old

[Justasconfusedwithnumber2]

Just that really. Due in January and Dc1 has just turned two. All of a sudden I am having flash backs of waking every hour, breastfeeding whilst sat in front of the TV for HOURS through developmental leaps and going for a wee with baby on my lap. These are just 3 things I have no idea how I will cope with whilst entertaining a 2 year old 4 days a week.

Any practical advice please? Especially how to prepare? I am already off work due to health so have 3 'free' days if there's things I can get ahead of.

My eldest was 21 months when I had twins...11 years later I just remember it being a bit of a blur..for about a year

Some random tips that come to mind.

Take all offers of help, if someone wants to take your toddler out in the early days don't feel guilty, it's a nice break away for them too.

We got someone in to clean the house for a few months, great to not have to worry about practicalities.

Online food shopping is worth a try.

TV is your friend when feeding the baby. Dont feel guilty! Most of it is educational

Try to get out for a walk most days for everyone's sanity.

Have toddler sit next to you while feeding the baby and read them a story.

Toys like big plastic blocks can be a good project the toddler can work on near you while you are busy with baby.

If you live in a two storey house consider having a changing area downstairs so you don't have to lug everyone up and down.

Good luck, a hard but lovely time.

It's not easy but doable...as other people have said : involve the toddler loads before baby comes, have a safe space downstairs to put baby while dealing with toddler, be prepared to watch loads of Peppa pig and get a double buggy and go out everyday..enjoy ...it flies by really and they hopefully will play well together in a couple of years

I had this earlier this year. My DS was 20 months when I had second DS. I would suggest a Double buggy, plenty of walks, trips to the park where newborn can get fresh air and sleep whilst the toddler plays.
Snacks, snacks and more snacks, Lego and other open ended toys to keep toddler occupied. Would you wear a sling? That would keep your arms free whilst holding your newborn.

I am with all the other people who said you just ... do.

It’s not like a firstborn. You know more, you know what your toddler needs too so you prioritise them and the new baby has to fit in. And somehow they do.

But, my only real practical advice is to Go Out. Just that. Go Out. The toddler will be happier, the newborn will sleep in a sling or pram, you will be happier because you can’t see all the undone stuff at home. Go Out!

Also, you could try getting toddler ready with some practical stuff like fetching their shoes and putting them on - never too early to practise! - taking their cup to the kitchen etc.

And a bag of toys (or a tablet!) that only comes out when you’re feeding on the sofa.

We had a 'feeding bag'. Bag full of things for the toddler to do while feeding. Some snacks, little toys (some new), favourite toys, books etc. Bag only can out during feeding and we rotated things so it stayed exciting.

We were also out of the house a lot. Baby groups, library, park, playmates etc we out at least part of every day after dd2 was a few weeks old.

Be out of the house as much as possible. The baby will be happy while the pram/car is moving and at toddler groups etc there is always someone who will hold the baby while you deal with the toddler or entertain the toddler while you deal with the baby.

My number one tip would be to make sure you are able to entertain the toddler whilst feeding the baby. Keep books and toys close to hand.

Involve the eldest in helping you care for the baby too...fetching a clean nappy etc. My eldest loved "helping" look after the baby and I'm sure it helped her feel involved.

My husband left me and DD1 sandwiches. DD1 would be starving at exactly the time DD2 wanted a 45 minute feed. It was exhausting BUT you have years of them being amused by the same things. Bigger age gaps look tougher. One kid always bored if the gap is too big. You will be ok OP but accept any help going!!!!

Oh yeah - as part of the Just Go Out project, a crucial step is not letting your DP leave in the morning until you have had a shower!

Sling, sit down activities (sticker books, colouring, jigsaws etc), going to plenty of groups so we got out most days, cbeebies. I’d add having a water bottle and snacks for the older one readily available. My eldest and middle were 23 months apart.

Mine are 16 months apart. It’s hard going.

-Can you afford any sort of childcare for the toddler? Mine goes to nursery two days a week so I have time to bond with the baby and catch up on jobs.

-Do you have relatives who can help with childcare or housework?

• Lower your standards when it comes to housework and food. It’s ok to beans on toast two days running!

-Get somewhere to put the baby in the rooms you use most. I have a couple of bouncy chairs strategically placed.

• A safe space for your toddler helps too, I’ve got a baby proof play room with a gate on it.

• Divide the household chores evenly, working does not excuse your partner from doing them.

• Don’t feel guilty about sticking the tv on whilst you feed the baby.

• Leave the house at least once a day. You and your toddler will get bored otherwise.

-Get a decent coffee machine 😂

Pray that DC2 is an easy baby and sleeps through the night.

Sadly it didn't work for me, but you might get lucky.

Hi OP I had similar age gap with my two my DS was 23 months old when my DD was born she's now 8 months old.
I was lucky in that I had my mum with me for the first week as I had a c section so needed extra help with my DS and my DH was off for two weeks so toddler was kept busy allowing me to look after DD.

I found that when I was finally on my own with the two of them I tried to prepare for the day so I had three outfits for my DD laid out on the dining table as with newborns your always changing outfits.
Keep nappies and wipes close by.
I would also stick on a film my DS liked if I needed to settle my DD or feed her just to keep him entertained when I couldn't.

I would also bring my DS downstairs first leaving my DD in her cot before going back to get her so that I wasn't trying to bring them both down at the same time.

If I had to go to the loo and my DD was sleeping I'd always take my DS with me never leaving the two alone together.
Making sure DD was safe first before popping to the loo.

Feeding I didn't breastfed so I can't offer advice on that as both mine were and are formula fed so I used the ready made bottles for the first few days making it easier for me to fed on demand and allowing me time to have for my DS.

If I'm honest I struggled to go anywhere with the two of them on my own because my DS refused to walk and always wanted to be carried as soon as DD arrived so it was a struggle to try and push the pram and end up carrying a toddler.
Also my family and my husbands family don't live close by so it is just me my husband so this made it harder for me to get out and about.

It has gotten a lot easier now my DD is older I can go shopping and stick them both in the trolley together, go to the park etc so it does get easier and they play with the same toys which is nice to see.
My DS also started pre school nursery back in September so goes for three mornings a week which has also made things much better for him in that he gets interaction with other children and play time and for my DD in that she gets her morning Nap in peace and quiet and I also get to enjoy a coffee and some quiet time myself.
When my DD is napping I have more time for my DS so that can be anything from something simple like cuddling together or just talking to him.

I was also lucky on the meal front my DH is the cook so he'd always cook us meals in the evenings.
Also there's nothing wrong with quick and easy meals the first week or so.

Also bath times are easier now as they both have a bath together.

As my DD is older we all have breakfast and lunch together during the day which makes it easier keeping an eye on them both whilst also allowing me a breather when all sat at the table.

I would say just take your time to adjust enjoy it all it goes so fast the newborn stage and you do forget it all you just survive.

All the best with the rest of your pregnancy

Tbh I just kept baby in a sling or popped him down in bouncer/playmat whilst entertaining the toddler.

I found it easier to get out and about, I had a list of softplays, parks, playgroups, play cafes and annual passes to the aquarium and science museums so that I wasn't spending a fortune but had places the toddler could run around whilst I had the baby on the boob!

Almost 2 years later and it's starting to get easier after a tricky spell trying to entertain non walking DS2 and runner ds1 between 1-18 months!

Stay CALM with your big one. I lost my rag so many times and felt terrible. You'll find what works - bed times alone were tricky: I lined up all my eldest's night time things and got her ready with the youngest wrapped up in a towel. I sat my eldest on her bed with my youngest in a bouncer. You find out what works!

I had 30 months between mine so not quite the same. As PP have said, it's not a re-run of your first baby. It won't be as much of a car crash feeling. Way less anxiety second time round because you know what you're doing and what's worth worrying about.

It's a phoney war for quite a while as they're different creatures - the fun really starts when the young one can crawl to get toys.

Try to get your older one used to being lifted less, having to wait for things etc now. Don't feel guilty about the baby coming and spoil the toddler, it'll make things harder for them.

Have somewhere in every room where you can plonk the baby if the toddler needs immediate attention. Some high chairs recline so can double for baby.

Books you can read one handed while you feed. Sticker books. If not feeding, position baby where you can make eye contact while you read to the toddler so they both think they're getting your attention

A bit of time every day with older one 1-2-1, even if only a few minutes.

Find other mothers in the same position. When one toddler is at nursery, the other takes baby and toddler round for tea - mothers get company, babies gaze at each other on a mat (they love it), toddler gets to play with another kid's toys so is also happy. Also you'll find you're on a different wavelength to first time mums.

Do whatever gets you through. Don't feel guilty about tv. Have a stash of emergency books/toys to bring out if you're losing your mind.

@Justasconfusedwithnumber2
I have a 1 year old and a 4 month old, I didnt have a clue how I was going to cope as ds 1 is just a baba too but a few tips to maybe help, I get ds 1 sorted first as I can kind of speed it up a bit with him I bought any toys that make a noise or light up anything to keep him amused while dealing with ds 2, they adapt so quickly especially for being so little, showering, toilet etc I would put ds 2 in his little chair and take him into the bathroom with me, I'd wait to shower until ds 1 went for a nap, it is difficult but it really does come like second nature you just find that way to get through the day, I have a set routine for both so when ds 2 naps (pretty much all the time atm) that's my ds 1s time full attention just 1 to 1 same other way round, I try to prepare activities for ds 1 the night before so as soon as hes awake and fed hes ready to play, I let him be as involved as he can so he doesnt feel left out, hes now learning when ds 2 cries it's time to feed or needs a cuddle he will come over and if i sit on the floor he cuddles into him or Pat's his back from watching what I do daily, meal prep is a help aswell I make my ds 1 a little lunch box before I go to bed to throughout the day I just have to nip into the kitchen and it's all ready, it is very difficult but also amazing seeing how older children learn so fast (even if they are still really young) I hope any of that will help you will be fine as soon as your baba is here 🥰

23 month age gap here.
DD1 is 2 1/2 years & DD2 is 5 months.
Try to leave the mum guilt at the door, because it can get INTENSE. The first few weeks I found relatively easy, new born slept a lot... DH was on paternity so he entertained DD1 whilst I saw to baby.

When he went back to work, it became a bit of a juggling act. You can’t be with them both all the time & trying to give each 50/50 is just setting yourself up to fail. Just be there for the one that needs you most in the moment. I worried my toddler would feel pushed out but actually it was the opposite. Toddlers are pretty demanding so the baby often came second in the queue & didn’t seem to mind.

Get a sling if you don’t have one... life saver. Get out to the park/baby groups in the morning if you can. I’d have baby in the sling & follow DD around playing. Then we’d come home for the afternoon.

Honestly just like you got on with it when DC1 came along you’ll find your feet with an additional one. It’s hard, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t always get it right.

After a month or so it was like I always had 2! It became the new norm! & I really believe the hard works pays off because when they’re 2/3/4 they have a play mate all the time

Congrats & enjoy!

Thanks all, there's some great tips here. Dc1 will be in childcare for 3 days a week for a few hours so I will get a little break. Alot of people have made me feel terrible for doing this and not having them both with me so atleast I feel a little better about that now. I do have a sling ready but was hoping to avoid a double pram.... We have a buggy board instead. But maybe I will need to cave on that one.

Double was a lifesaver for me. Knowing they were both contained and safe was priceless. We only used ours until about 6/9 months ish I can't remember exactly. It was not long after a bank holiday where I watched about 5 busses drive past me unable to fit the pram on! Then we moved to buggy board/pram. Think of it as a rental if you do decide to get one.

I toddler proofed the lounge.Had stargates at both doorways so elder one could get tonnes of toys out and be safe but couldn't go anywhere else in the house. A fair bit of Cbeebies too.

Mine were 15 months apart and that first year with no 2 was a blur!

I also went out every morning to groups, library etc. It helped the day to go quicker.

Thankfully,my two then eventually napped at the same time in the afternoon.

My health visitor calls cbeebies cboobies - absolutely no guilt needed if that's what it takes to survive this tough patch. A comfy sling so you can do things if you have a normal baby that doesn't like sleeping in a cot. Prep tea first thing in the morning so that when meltdown happens in the evening that's one less thing to worry about. Slow cooker is a godsend! You will have good days and bad days, and that's OK. Everybody fed, nobody dead is a good motto.

19 month age gap here.
It was very tough in the cluster feeding newborn phase. Now they're 1 & nearly 3 and it's so much easier. So know it will get better.
Preparation saved me. That and letting my toddler watch way way way way too much T.V. Totally lowered my screen time standards.

• if you have a partner make it their job to have lunch for you and toddler sorted before they go to work. For us this was mainly pre-cut sandwiches, peeled boiled eggs, fruit salad, stuff that I could serve toddler & eat with one hand. Because the baby was usually held to my breast in the other.

-also batch cook now & freeze. Lasagna, pasta sauce, etc etc. So when baby's doing 6pm crying time you can still eat. -have books/toys etc close to where you breastfeed so toddler can snuggle in too and not feel left out.

• if your toddler needs action get some soft balls. We played a lot of me throwing the ball while breastfeeding & her running to get & bringing it back. Sounds awfully like fetch when I write it like that but was effective when she needed movement & I was stuck on couch.
• get a sling. Wear baby everywhere.
• involve toddler. Mine loved 'helping' getting nappies, clothes etc. She also loved feeding her baby while I fed mine so a doll might help too.

My mum had (& breastfed) 7 kids and her advice was to aim for "everybody fed and nobody dead" and that anything over that is a bonus in those first few weeks.

Dd2 also slept considerably better than dd1. Apart from always waking up just before dinner time, she would sleep downstairs in the moses basket while I played with dd1. Not much would wake her still doesn't now she's six! I'd take dd1 with me to the loo etc rather than moving baby.