To think that my 50's will be a nightmare?

[Allinadaystwerk]

I'll turn 50 in a few months. I'm fairly recently separated (6months ago...quite traumatic still trying to recover) have a dc age 12 and three adult dc. I'm dreading my 50's. All I see or hear about is menopause, fading looks and health problems. Am I right or is there light?
How have/are your 50's treated/ing you?

In was peri menopausal in my mid forties then sailed through the menopause without much problem.I didn't like the idea of turning fifty and certainly didn't want a party but I tried to make sure I had enough sleep, used a good moisturiser and had my hair cut by a young stylist. In some ways I gained confidence because I no longer cared as much what other people thought.

I separated just before 50, now very happily remarried and have had a fab 10 years. Yes a few physical changes but on the other hand the mortgage is paid off and I can afford to work part time, the kids are independent and can drive me home from the pub, and life is just so much easier now I’ve got a bit of experience to work from. Love your 50s, I did.

I am 56. In my 50s I left my ex husband after being very unhappy in my marriage for many, many years (I couldn't move without being touched up yet he wouldn't sleep in the same bed as me, any sign of affection had to lead to sex etc). I finally plucked up the courage to leave and realised that his threats to commit suicide if the marriage ended were just him trying to control me. By the time I was 54 I was happily settled in a new area with a new job, I met a new man, we have moved in together and I have now achieved my lifetime goal of being a foster parent. So, no, your 50s aren't necessarily downhill all the way.

A lot better than my 40s with 2 teenage dc and the menopause at 44.
I was also overweight and had no time to myself.
I m 52 soon and now 3 stone less and actually look a lot better now.
2 periods a month, a sluggish body and a difficult dd. No my 40s can fuck off!
Time to myself now, good job, adult dc i get on with great.
Embrace your 50s! Once youre through menopause its a walk in the park

It's true that you stop caring about what others think.

It's a different experience for those with dependant children, but i felt a sense of freedom and feel as though this is really my time.

My looks have faded, I'm getting some cosmetic work at the start of next year to help.

I'm happily single and my sex drive went during the Menopause, so i don't have those complications and have to face dating as a 50+ year old. If i did, i think that would change how positive i feel.

Oh and i now have confidence to not take shit from anyone

I don't get the dread about aging (assuming one stays in good health). I've had my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s which is more than many people are given. I'm 60 odd now and never felt better - fewer responsibilities, more time, more money (mortgage paid off).

Each decade is a new chapter and there to be grasped and enjoyed for what there is, not to enter with dread. OP, you'll look back to your 50s when you're in your 70s and think what a spring chicke you were then!

And time passes much faster, you'll be 60 before you know it.
I'm 59 and still fit and healthy.My looks may have faded but you tend to be able to drop worrying about what others think of you and just live.
Once you're over the trauma start enjoying your new life,my home life is much more relaxed so work is more enjoyable.

Hmmm I'm just not convinced. I think I'll just pretend I'm 45! I'd like to get new veneers and a bit of botox maybe. But essentially I think it sucks might be nice if life had turned out so I could be mortgage free and financially stable but that is not on my horizon. Urrrgh old and broke is not a good combo

@Ponoka7 what cosmetic work are you hoping to have?

You don’t just disappear in a cloud of dust on your 50th birthday.
Nothing to dread, yeah I’m not as agile and there’s the menopause but it’s nice to finally be at an age where looks aren’t as important and I get called a lady occasionally (I still look behind me if this is said).
Life goes on, another number imo.

OP do you generally think you look young or old for your current age? Have you been very attractive most of your life? I ask this as you seem specifically concerned about 'losing your looks'. Keep healthy, exercise and you will not suddenly look horrible just because you hit 50!

I am in my 50s and feel a lot better than I did in my 40s .Periods ,Lost my Mum, lots of shit going down .Feel freer now and more settled .Been through menopause, no big deal for me .Embrace life if you can

I usually get complimented on my looks but I would not say I am an oil painting or anything. But I don't really like what I see in the mirror these days. I know I won't spontaneously combust on my birthday but I guess I'm looking for a silver lining. Maybe the not giving a crap about what other people think anymore will be liberating...Maybe.

Best years of my life. Divorced, remarried. Dcs gone. I have no responsibility for anyone 😂

I can't wait! I am 49. I am a runner. When I turn 50 I will be right at the bottom of a new age category, competing against women up to 5 (sometimes 10) years older.
49 ie the oldest in my age cat is just a pain!
I have a 20yo at uni and a 10yo at home.

I'm absolutely dreading it. In my forties, have chronic illness plus underactive thyroid issues and feel old everyday already. Just not lively ifyswim? Never sleep. Plus poor. People say I look very young for my age and I try to be positive but the physical health I felt in my 20s & 30s (fantastic metabolism, banging figure, sporty, energy etc) is turned to dust already and I am DREADING the menopause as all it will do is make everything 10x worse and I already struggle to remember names, people and everything. I'm convinced that dementia is in my future.

Added to that I've been grappling with the female equivalent of the mid life crisis and am having to think through all these existential questions about my being on this earth. The one thing I would say is positive is that it forces you to think about your purpose.

But that's it.

Not being flippant but it’s better than the alternative

I should know because I’ve been really close to the alternative.

I feel v optimistic about my 50s.
More freedom as my teens age. Have been thinking about bravery lately and how lack of it is what will hold me back. Im not lonely, i merely fear that i might be in the future, but im content now! So i should assume the best not the worst.

I dont relish being innvisible but ive been consciously trying to structure my life to suit myself these last few years.

I think married women are protected from some of the issues that single women are forced to contemplate, and you have not had time to do that yet.

A lot of married women cannot really identify exactly how much of their confidence (in the knowledge that society values them and has a place for them) comes from being the woman they are, and how much comes from being half of a married couple.

And these two are interwined. It takes time to unravel them.

My 20s were wasted feeling inadequate that i was single. 30s and 40s wasted in either a shit abusive relationship, escaping it and single parenthood.
My 50s will give me a salary, older kids, optimism!

Im 50 in 2020 btw
My aim now is to look good for a 49 year old rather than young. To look healthy happy and stylish. Stylish-ish.

It is hard when you dont have a partner to celebrate you. Because it is a bit awkward to have to do it yourself!
🙈

@TheOrigFV45 i dont understand how you are limited to being in competition only with those in their 40s. Can you explain!?

You me and op sound like we are 50 with a few months!

I'm reading the Age Well Project. Really interesting and good tips for remaining healthy and fit through menopause and beyond. It's all the things you'd expect but more informative and practical than just headlines.

It's true that you stop caring about what others think. I wouldn’t say this but equally would not resort to cosmetic surgery.
Very early days but so far the best decade- and I was dreading it!

50-51 was amazing. It’s gone rapidly downhill since then, with a double bereavement, depression, empty nest emotional struggles, severe arthritis... I could go on, but I don’t want to depress you too.

I’m hoping that surgery to reduce the pain will kick start my life again.

The good part is that I couldn’t give a flying fig whether my looks are fading; I’m too busy with the rest of it.

Yes reading has helped me accept ageing.

I am ready to become the wiser woman now.

The youthful self-saboteuse has gone.

A few books that helped me understand that femininity is not just youth. It is wisdom and acceptance. Sharon Blackies books are lovely.

Ive also listened to a lot of podcasts by lourdes viado phd, interviewing different (interesting) women, and i was left feeling that there is just so much wisdom and new perspective out there, i just need to tap in to it. I have read all the usual helpful books, elizabeth gilbert, jonathan rauch, carol s pearson phd, james hollis phd, anne dickson, carol griffin. Reading has helped me understand that the end of a pretty face is not The End.