Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is it worthy of leaving?

88 replies

JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 04:53

Okay so... my boyfriend has lost my coat. Sounds minor right?

My late father purchased a coat for me before he died - valued at £1600. My financially abusive scrounging boyfriend wears it as he doesn’t own one “that nice” it’s not
obviously a girls jacket either.

After an argument yesterday of me not being able to lend him £600 he went to his friends to get drunk. I have been kindly asking him to stay away from this friend for a few weeks as they are extremely toxic and cause trouble, also I feel somewhat disrespected as my other half sits and has meals with these people when 99% of the time I’m having a ready meal for one. He has lost my coat and cannot find it and there’s a slight chance someone in the house where he was has stolen it. I don’t have anything nice anymore due to him bleeding me dry, also the coat was a gift off my dad and can’t be replaced. I feel sick looking at him for being so reckless and irresponsible with my things, I don’t want him touching me and I’m awake now extremely upset thinking about how hard my parents worked to buy me such a nice item - and how someone who is nothing but a scrounger and a snake hasn’t cared for it enough to get it home to me. I don’t want him anymore.

Am I being unreasonable here? Is it just a coat? Or is he a complete waste of space?

OP posts:
Fedupofitnow123 · 05/11/2019 05:04

Ltb, this is the straw that broke the camels back right?

JollyJlly · 05/11/2019 05:04

I think the coat is one issue, but you mention a number of other things that would also make me want to leave.

Is there anyway you can get the coat returned before you leave?

Are you able to kick him out? As in financially secure?

Countrylifeornot · 05/11/2019 05:04

What the fuck are you allowing him to ruin your life for!?
I'm sorry about the coat, but use it as a wake up call and get rid of him, he sounds like an absolute cunt.

Original poster
JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 05:06

I think it’s definitely the straw that broke the camels back. I’m sat in bed at 5am chain smoking and crying over a coat?!

I can’t get it returned cos I don’t even know where it is. He doesn’t even know.

OP posts:
Greyhound22 · 05/11/2019 05:07

OP he has sold your coat.

Before you mentioned your coat it was a LTB from me.

Original poster
JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 05:08

He hasn’t sold it as he has no money for it. Apparently some girl has stolen it, along with a £500 watch (bought by me) and a £200 wallet (bought by me)

I feel like just going into the middle of the road and screaming.

OP posts:
Lentilbug · 05/11/2019 05:08

That's awful. I would leave him. It's more than just a coat it was from your father. Who loved you and wanted the best for you. Certainly a far cry from your boyfriend.

Original poster
JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 05:09

@Lentilbug you’ve hit the nail on the head.

OP posts:
Original poster
JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 05:12

I had nice things before I met him, I always had top branded stuff, designer bags and the best mobile phones.

Now, I have a pay as you go second hand Samsung from about 2010 as I took another line out for him with O2 and I couldn’t pay the contract as he’s just constantly rinsing me.
Designer bags ended up being sold for money to afford food. I have nothing now. My credit is absolutely shit and I can’t even afford the niceties in life - like taking my mam to tea or getting the train up to visit family. I barely have new clothes now and I don’t want to see people outside work in case they think I’m a tramp.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 05/11/2019 05:14

Leaving him is WAY overdue OP. He brings nothing to your relationship, you will be better off in every way without him.

Finish it today.

surlycurly · 05/11/2019 05:17

Oh I'd be well and truly done. Take the lost coat as a sign from your dad... he's telling you enough is enough.

Original poster
JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 05:18

@surlycurly that was so sweet Flowers im hoping that’s what it is, a sign he’s still here for me

OP posts:
InABigCountry · 05/11/2019 05:19

Open why are you spending all your money on this soon get, he is using you as a cash cow. If these things have genuinly been stolen, tell him to go to the police and see what he says. Does he take drugs? He doesn't have any respect for you or your possessions. Please have some self respect. Flowers

InABigCountry · 05/11/2019 05:20

OP not open

Original poster
JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 05:21

He’s blaming the people who’s house he was at, because they let him go home absolutely blind drunk.

He thinks he’s taken it off in a taxi or someone has stolen it. Either way I’m not getting my coat back.

OP posts:
InABigCountry · 05/11/2019 05:22

Also meant to say sponger not soon get. Although that is ironic as you should soon get rid of him.

AiryFairyMum · 05/11/2019 05:25

Can you not go to the friend's house and kick up a fuss about your things? Ask the girl in question? He may have given them to her to impress her or to punish you. Explain these things are from your dad. If nothing else you will embarrass him.

Bloomburger · 05/11/2019 05:26

Wrote out a list of what he brings to the relationship and what he takes from it and then make a decision. (It's a no brainier really isn't it)

AiryFairyMum · 05/11/2019 05:26

Also threaten to call the police.

Original poster
JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 05:29

Apparently this girl is a known thief. I feel like absolutely lamping the both of them....

OP posts:
MitziK · 05/11/2019 05:42

Lamping him wouldn't help.

Cut off his money supply by dumping his skanky arse. That'll solve 95% of your problems in one go, leaving 5% of getting yourself back on your feet, which will be a doddle in comparison to having your life blood sucked from you along with everything nice you've ever had or you've worked for.

Interestedwoman · 05/11/2019 05:43

'He hasn’t sold it as he has no money for it. Apparently some girl has stolen it, along with a £500 watch (bought by me) and a £200 wallet (bought by me)'

Hmm I still reckon he's sold these items. But if he's telling the truth and he knows who's taken it, you could call the police. I bet his dodgy mates would love that. Don't give them any warning and the police might find drugs too.:)

OMGshefoundmeout · 05/11/2019 05:44

I don’t believe for one minute it was stolen. He couldn’t get the £600 he wanted from you so he’s sold it and is concealing the money.

LTB.

Original poster
JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 05:46

He’s too selfish to have not used the money. He didn’t eat or buy weed today and that’s something he wouldn’t do regardless

OP posts:
jay55 · 05/11/2019 05:48

He sold it or swapped it for drugs.

Check eBay, depop and other selling sites.

And throw him out, it's long overdue.