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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is it worthy of leaving?

88 replies

JoRob1 · 05/11/2019 04:53

Okay so... my boyfriend has lost my coat. Sounds minor right?

My late father purchased a coat for me before he died - valued at £1600. My financially abusive scrounging boyfriend wears it as he doesn’t own one “that nice” it’s not
obviously a girls jacket either.

After an argument yesterday of me not being able to lend him £600 he went to his friends to get drunk. I have been kindly asking him to stay away from this friend for a few weeks as they are extremely toxic and cause trouble, also I feel somewhat disrespected as my other half sits and has meals with these people when 99% of the time I’m having a ready meal for one. He has lost my coat and cannot find it and there’s a slight chance someone in the house where he was has stolen it. I don’t have anything nice anymore due to him bleeding me dry, also the coat was a gift off my dad and can’t be replaced. I feel sick looking at him for being so reckless and irresponsible with my things, I don’t want him touching me and I’m awake now extremely upset thinking about how hard my parents worked to buy me such a nice item - and how someone who is nothing but a scrounger and a snake hasn’t cared for it enough to get it home to me. I don’t want him anymore.

Am I being unreasonable here? Is it just a coat? Or is he a complete waste of space?

OP posts:
AwkwardFucker · 05/11/2019 07:54

Dump him. Today. He’s an absolute waste of space. You get one life. Is this how you want to spend it?

autumn2203 · 05/11/2019 07:58

OP

This man has fleeced you. He is still hoping you are going to stay his cash cow for a little longer, so will continue the love bombing.

He does not love you
He does not care about you.

You will continue to feel utterly miserable and bereft until you finish with him for good. He is a con artist, probably into drugs and you are funding it. Stop.

Tell him you will be contacting the police regarding the thefts. You may find that the coat magically reappears. Ask him to stop contacting you until the coat is back. Either way, block him, finish with him and choose to be someone that you can trust and someone that truly cares for you.

You are being used I(and some) and this is how it feels. Please end this relationship before you lose more, and be strong.

I would also look to get some emotional support from either friends or agencies to help you through. Good luck op, you have your whole life ahead of you Flowers

Cherrysoup · 05/11/2019 08:03

Why on earth are you with him? Is having a boyfriend more important than anything? Your self esteem? A decent line of credit?! Get him the fuck out of your life, woman!

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 05/11/2019 08:06

Oh lovely... just go. Anything is better than this. I promise. Flowers

GingersAreLush · 05/11/2019 08:12

I’d definitely do some detective to try and find the coat. You won’t be able to get out of paying for his phone unfortunately unless you buy your way out of the contract but you can usually get it blocked as the handset belongs to you, not him, as you’re paying for it.

Sounds like he’s sold the coat, the watch and the wallet. I’d not be getting too mad at this girl who is a “known thief apparently” because she’s very possibly a scapegoat. He might not be spending the cash but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t got it or had it.

Russell19 · 05/11/2019 08:13

I'd tell him if he wants any chance of staying with you he needs to try and get your coat back and his other items. If that is through the police or by going round to investigate then he needs to try. If he won't, you need to.

Bluntness100 · 05/11/2019 08:17

Why have You not ended it? Why all the talking?

GingersAreLush · 05/11/2019 08:23

Also what Bluntness said really. Stop talking to him and start taking steps to erase him from your life and getting your coat back if you can. Do you have any photos of it? Is it distinctive? You could post on social media that it’s “missing” and why it holds such sentimental value. Someone might have spotted it.

WorldEndingFire · 05/11/2019 08:25

Get rid of him. Sounds like an absolute wastrel - you're a warm convenience, not a priority. I imagine booze is his first love and if drugs aren't his second I'd be pretty surprised.

Smelborp · 05/11/2019 08:35

Just finish it. Don’t waste time trying to make him feel bad. Report the theft of your coat (if it’s been stolen) and ditch him. Every moment chatting with him or trying to make him feel upset is a wasted moment of your life.

Why did you let him wear it in the first place? I think you need to work on boundaries for future relationships.

AiryFairyMum · 05/11/2019 10:01

Why are you wasting time talking to him? Go round there and get your coat. He has given it to this girl and if you make enough fuss you may get it back. Don't even engage with him.

gamerchick · 05/11/2019 10:06

He's sold those items. Scroungers tend to scrounge off other people and get into debt with them. He wanted 600 quid off you, you didn't give it to him.

It's a 1+1 thing, wake up OP and ditch the loser

gamerchick · 05/11/2019 10:09

You won't though. You want him to see the error of his ways. You'll give him earache and he'll wait you out until you're over it.

Have fun.

Butchyrestingface · 05/11/2019 10:12

Doesn’t sound like you’re going to dump him and one of you move out, @JoRob1.

Obviously you’re not at rock bottom quite yet.

Whattodoabout · 05/11/2019 10:15

He’s a waste of space. I spotted weed smoker at the end of the first page and the penny dropped for me. I’ve never met a weed smoker who isn’t a total waster, they’re usually lazy selfish bastards.

Get out now, this will only get worse.

Whitleyboy · 05/11/2019 10:23

Make sure you ignore the love-bombing and never go back to him. Remember how you looked and felt before you met him. Decide to be that person againGo back

Whitleyboy · 05/11/2019 10:24

.....to being that person only without him.

Witchinaditch · 05/11/2019 10:44

How did you go from having nice things to not being able to afford food? What happens OP? Are you supporting him? Are you working? It sounds like it’s loads more than a coat here! It sounds like you’re very giving and he’s a taker. Leave him please and get back on your feet.

nestisflown · 05/11/2019 11:10

OP the fact you are still talking to him shows you're not going to leave. If you were done, you'd be done.

Most wouldn't stay arguing with someone they truly believed was "cancer" or "scull. They would run and block contact as fast as possible.

Imagine for a moment that you had found out he was a peadophile... would you be sitting there talking at him for 2 hours? I imagine you'd report him to the police, block all contact and leave immediately. This man is a thief, a toxic emotional drain and an abuser. Since it doesn't sound like you'll leave now, think to a year ahead... how will you feel when he's finished sucking you dry because you didn't leave today? How much more do you have to give to him? Because whatever's left of you, he will take and destroy.

That said, I'm sorry about your father and I'm sorry about your coat Flowers

ActualHornist · 05/11/2019 11:26

Why are you even bothering? You hate him (for good reason) and he doesn’t give a shit about you other than money you can provide.

Geppili · 05/11/2019 11:34

Do you both smoke weed? Is this a codependent relationship?

Alicatz66 · 05/11/2019 11:36

Get rid .... he's horrible ... put him in the bin .... few weeks you will be fine

olieve · 05/11/2019 12:02

Just get rid of him. What are you waiting for?

FizzyIce · 05/11/2019 12:20

After all you’ve written do you really need to ask?
He sounds like a waste of space ,honestly .
Get rid

Thismummyruns · 05/11/2019 12:22

This is more than just a coat

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