Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Disciplining 6 year old DS - no dinner or tv

79 replies

emeraldravine · 04/11/2019 18:28

We have 2 DS's - 6 and 3 years old.

DH and I are in disagreement over how to discipline DS1. DH is definitely a soft touch when it comes to our children but I am quick to temper so I don't know if I've been unreasonable here.

DH and DS came home at 5.30pm after an after school swimming lesson, I was making dinner and DS2 was watching tv. DS1 wanted to watch tv and I shouted through that dinner was nearly ready so he could watch tv later.

I put dinner down and DS1 hid the remote so I couldn't change it from kids tv and he then refused to eat his dinner. I found the remote, changed the channel and then DS1 started crying loudly.

Refused point blank to eat his dinner because he didn't want what was put down - this is another bone of contention as we often make separate dinners and I'm fed up with that. Tonight's dinner was pasta which he eats!

We all finished our dinner and DS1 didn't touch his so I told him he'd get nothing to eat until breakfast now. DH said he could watch tv in our room. I said no.

I spoke to DH alone and he said he'd back me up but didn't think it was fair as DS1 had been at school all day and then swimming and he let DS2 watch some tv before he was going to change the channel but then dinner was ready.

In the time it's taken to write this DS1 has fallen asleep on the sofa! He has never fallen asleep in the afternoon. He has been getting up earlier than usual lately then had a full day at school followed by a swimming lesson.

Gah. This parenting malarkey is difficult and I don't know whether I'm doing the right thing.

Can anyone give me pointers on this? I won't let him go to bed hungry now although if he'd stropped all night I may have because I'm pretty stubborn!

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 04/11/2019 18:30

I'd offer his dinner when he wakes up.

bridgetreilly · 04/11/2019 18:32

Yes, wake him and offer him the same dinner he refused earlier. I don't think it's good to have food involved in discipline. But I would definitely have refused to let him watch more TV.

Original poster

emeraldravine · 04/11/2019 18:32

TLDR: DS1 hid the remote so kids tv would still be on when I said no, refused to eat his dinner, shouted at me and was cheeky. DH wanted to let him watch tv in our room - I felt we were rewarding bad behaviour by letting him watch tv alone in our bed which he loves doing. I said he wouldn't get anything else to eat until morning if he didn't eat some of his dinner.

OP posts:

Ohnoherewego62 · 04/11/2019 18:33

Give him his tea. Food isnt a reward. It's a necessity so dont make an association with the two.

I'd be livid if DP contradicted what wed agreed on discipline though. Absolutely no TV would be happening. Feel for you there.

Would a compromise on screen time be doable? One child watches a programme and the next one chooses?

Original poster

emeraldravine · 04/11/2019 18:33

I can reheat his dinner - but what if he refuses to eat it again?? It's like a battle of wills

OP posts:

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 04/11/2019 18:34

He was probably tired and crabby! For food refusers I’d offer bread and butter Or a glass of milk as an alternative. He won’t die of the hunger though!

I’d definitely put it down to being tired. Pick your battles though and make sure you and your other half back elevated other up and out on a united front (in front of the children anyway).

Isithometimeyet0987 · 04/11/2019 18:34

I’d try with the dinner again after he’s woken up as it sounds like he’s over emotional and having a tantrum because he’s over tired. School then swimming can be very tiring for a six year old.

Pinkypurple35 · 04/11/2019 18:36

I’d offer dinner again when he wakes up and no tv again until tomorrow for hiding the remote. If he won’t eat the pasta again I’d offer fruit and if he refuses again I’d take it he wasn’t hungry and send him to bed.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/11/2019 18:37

I remember this happening a few times when growing up. My parents would keep the plate of food back and say it's there if you want it. We weren't allowed anything else apart from fruit.

I'd wake him up and try with dinner again.

DillyDilly · 04/11/2019 18:38

Tiredness was obviously the cause of tonight’s behaviour. Definitely offer him something that you know he will eat when he wakes. I think even when he doesn’t want to eat the dinner you’ve cooked - offer something else - fruit or toast. I think it would be horrible to send a child to bed hungry just because they wouldn’t eat their dinner.

Maybe have a strategy for next week - home from swimming, dinner girst and then he can watch whatever tv he’s like for a set time.

EdWinchester · 04/11/2019 18:38

I’d keep food out of disciplinary matters. And it’s hugely important that you’re both enforcing the same consequences.

When mine were small, we used to say no stories at bedtime if they misbehaved. At 17 and 21, they still remember this as being torture!

Quartz2208 · 04/11/2019 18:38

he is 6 and overtired and hungry and you went to anger? and told him he was going to get nothing to eat. I think you are overreacting tbf rather than your DH

If he wakes give him something simple like toast and a cuddle

tootiredtospeak · 04/11/2019 18:40

I have 7yr old DS and a 3yr old DD so similar ages. Mine sometimes tries to hide the remote when his You Tube time finishes and if he does he gets a ban the next day so totally agree on the tv. Food not really as he should really be starving after swimming and tired too. Honestly I would let him eat his tea or supper and not get into battle over it especially if he is fussy. He might see food as a way to control thing in futute of not.

Expressedways · 04/11/2019 18:40

He’s probably over tired. I’m with you on the TV and I agree that your DH shouldn’t undermining you by offering TV in your room (ridiculous that he’s trying reward bad behaviour like that). However, I don’t think it’s good to use food as a punishment. I’d offer some toast when he wakes up. Next time he has swimming I’d also try to preempt the exhaustion and hunger by offering food straight afterwards.

Boom45 · 04/11/2019 18:41

It's hard not to do but food shouldn't be used as a punishment or reward. I have a very fussy eater and the occupational therapist I saw about it (it's related to other issues) said that getting into a battle of wills about food is really really counter productive, however logical it may seem to an adult. Withholding food as a punishment or offering treat foods as a reward can mess up a child's whole relationship with food so it's best to try alternatives, even when it seems like the obvious thing to do.

Boom45 · 04/11/2019 18:42

With my fussy eater, when she refuses food I've cooked and I know fine well she likes I get her something else, but nothing elaborate. She can have a sandwich if she doesn't like the tea and I don't get angry about it - at least not in front of her if I can help it. Bloody hard tho

YourOpinionIsNoted · 04/11/2019 18:42

I'd go with offer the same dinner again first. If he won't eat it, give him a glass of milk and s plain slice of bread, tell him that's the last chance he has to eat until breakfast. If he still doesn't want it he can go straight to bed with nothing, he won't starve. I have a very fussy eater who would be delighted with bread and butter every night, which is why I'd be offering plain bread only, if yours is usually a decent eater then I'd be less stingy!

Definitely no TV, hiding the remote is properly cheeky.

As an aside, do you have the TV on during dinner? But on a grown up program? It might cause less friction if it just gets switched off. Apologies if I've misunderstood.

TargaryenBean · 04/11/2019 18:43

Yeah I would not let him watch any more TV today because he hid the remote. I don't think it's a good idea to withdraw food as a punishment and he'll most likely be starving when he wakes, but it would be a good idea to have a long term plan to tackle the picky eating.

73Sunglasslover · 04/11/2019 18:46

I can reheat his dinner - but what if he refuses to eat it again?? It's like a battle of wills

Don't get into a battle of wills. Just put the dinner down and say it's there if he wants it. Don't offer anything else. Don't cajole or get cross with him. Just put it on the table for him to eat.

Fatted · 04/11/2019 18:50

I think next time you and DH should be making sure that he's getting something to eat before swimming. The poor thing has probably come home hangry and exhausted after a long day and had a complete melt down.

eddiemairswife · 04/11/2019 18:53

Have you found the remote?

Pringlesfortea · 04/11/2019 19:00

Wake him up
All is forgiven
Make him toast or cereal and bath and bed ,

strawberrieshortcake · 04/11/2019 19:00

Food is a basic necessity, not something to be withheld due to tantrums. Would you say he couldn’t use the toilet till tomorrow morning because he has misbehaved? Probably not.

Offer up the same meal, if he refuses toast and milk. If he refuses leave him. He probably won’t be able to sleep without anal especially as he’s been swimming so he’ll come round eventually.

Yes no tv as punishment is much better.

strawberrieshortcake · 04/11/2019 19:01

Bloody hell not anal I meant a meal

DeathMetalMum · 04/11/2019 19:10

I don't think op really used food as a punishment just that he didn't eat dinner and there wasn't anything else on offer.

I'd be quite cross with dp though. You can't say no tv and then go back on it. Sometimes I don't 100% agree with a punishment dp has given and vice versa. We will back each other up but bring it up later once dc are on bed. We have music on tv or the radio on while eating. I'd have probably turned the t.v. off on the wall.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread