To ask you how did you become successful?

[ethelfleda]

I’m not going to define ‘success’ - if you consider yourself to be successful then you probably are!

Basically, I was watching the pre match coverage before the rugby World Cup final and they were discussing what the team would likely do to prepare. Their diet, pre match rituals. They were interviewing a sports psychologist.

I started to wonder about applying this philosophy to meet life goals.

So, let’s say my goal was to earn a million pounds in the next five years (it isn’t, but I’m using this as an example) then my biggest asset to achieve this is my brain. So if I was to work on my confidence levels, always get enough sleep and exercise, eat the right sorts of foods, as well as to figure out the main ‘game plan’ to achieve this, this should help to hit those goals, right?

I’m probably not explaining this very well!
So easier to ask - what do successful people have in common? Are they all very confident? Hardworking? Have a certain mindset? Have you read a book that changed the course of your life or met someone you wanted to emulate?

luck to be born into the family I was
hard work at school
luck not to be ill or disabled or with a SpLD
going the extra mile in jobs
luck
and a bit more luck

My definition of success is being free to pursue one's passions without the tedious necessity of having to earn a living.

All the people I know who have achieved this have one thing in common. Inherited wealth, or a rich husband.

I would think that there is always an element of luck - as you say not everyone has the same opportunities.

I have worked out that it is just a lack of confidence and procrastination that has led to me NOT being successful if that helps. I just talk myself out of everything.

I watched a drama on Netflix about Walt Disney it really shows how successful people think imo. He never gave up despite many failures and obstacles.

I define success as having the career I want and being fairly good at it (minus a few hiccups).

To do that ive planned everything I need to do. It wasnt a short plan, its about 5 years long and included another year in specialist training. Im about half way through now but things seem to be on track.

Lois
I’m the same - without a doubt lack of confidence/ self belief is the single biggest blocker for me.

I also believe that your peer group/ family can have an impact. For example, DH can count amongst his immediate family - 4 self employed (and successful) one is an artist for a living. One got a masters in her 40s and writes for a living. Etc so success is ‘normal’ to him.
I don’t really have anyone to ‘copy’ of that makes sense?

I didn't have kids.

That way I needed far less money to live and could take more risks.

Furry
Kids definitely make things more complicated. We only have one (he is 2) and aren’t having any more. But there are a couple of projects we would have taken on by now that we can’t really. So I do agree with you on that! However, I’d like to think it is still possible to be successful even if you do have a child

Hard work at school - regardless of challenges in childhood. Looking at ‘successful peers of my children resuscitations non ‘successful’, the difference isn’t necessarily nice middle class families versus raised in challenging circumstances. Very poor, child of abusive parents with significant mental health problems was supported by school to achieve and aspire is now a happily married, deputy head in a primary school. Child of bright, affluent parents who ‘just wanted the boys to be happy’ have sons who have no ambition, who wander between casual jobs and cannot maintain a relationship because they’re too ego centric and hedonistic.
Hard work in early stages of career. Success in terms of high income and status rarely comes to twenty five year olds. Focusing on additional qualifications and regular promotion.
Flexibility. A willingness to up sticks and move across the country, if necessary. A willingness to play the longer game.A willingness to be flexible in work and go the extra mile.
Partnership. I’m absolutely convinced that success is easier as a couple than it is as a singleton in terms of careers, children, socialising, finances. Everything. It has to be the right partnership though.
If it’s money, then more than a single income stream. Saving not spending in early days. Going without to accumulate. No borrowing and paying interest. A second or even third job.
Resilience and an ability to get on with it, to work through difficulties and not do ‘woe is me’. Picking yourself up and taking responsibility for your own happiness.

Oh of course it is!
I didn't mean that you couldn't be successful without them, just that in my case that's how come I am where I am in my career.

This is such an interesting discussion.

I think procrastination was/is my biggest downfall. I wanted to make lots of money as I saw my wealthy in-laws as successful, but 2 years ago I was in a life altering car accident. I am now disabled (can walk, but not much) and my son is a paraplegic. So needless to say, my priorities or 'idea' of success has changed.

I also realised that I do not want to be like my in-laws, and I'll happily stay poor if it means I can remain genuine.

I would agree that children can hinder success. Or if they don't, then you are probably neglecting them. (Massive generalization there! Sorry. Again, looking at you In-Laws ).

At times I really think that we only have ourselves to blame for lack of success, and at other times I think the 'universe' only allows so many people to be successful, because we can't ALL be successful? I mean who will do the actual work?

I was emotionally neglected as a child which made me feel like I had to prove myself. Fortunately I had some influence from successful relatives and also read a lot of books/articles on successful people. I pinched a couple of their ideas. You have be prepared to just go for it.
I've ended up with property, money and a wonderful lifestyle. But more importantly it gave me the confidence and self esteem to stop taking crap and kick out my ex h. Now I've found real love with my dp and that is my greatest success.

Born working class/single-parent family at a time when university education was free. Cannot emphasise enough how this affects parental mindset as well as kids'.

Constantly encouraged to go further than home town (travel/books/talk). Yes to being lucky as in no disability/illness/caring duties.

Was bright at school, am now distinctly average but love learning new things so teach myself all skills I need (even if I then outsource).

Learning online is often free, or at least cheap when you factor in how much it costs and the time you spend communicating what you want to other people. I always make an investment in tools to make the job quicker and better.

I'm not super confident, I haven't read any 'clinch those business deals in three minutes' books, but there's a pattern to interactions. People want to see that you know stuff about your sector and people within it, that you ask the right questions, that you aren't an arse, that you have a plan and therefore aren't a flake. You'd be surprised how many people are absolute flakes and things fall into their laps but they have zero idea of how to progress. (It's not good to underestimate people in general but that's my confidence-boosting tip there!)

Do the work, learn the stuff, make relationships with people, put the hours in where you need to so accept that 11pm emails are sometimes necessary. But above all just do stuff. Exercise is great, sleeping well is great, but I'm quite fat and wake up often in the middle of the night - it doesn't matter because the work is getting shit done, and preferably not paying other people to do it ;) at least in the beginning.

Oh and don't fuck about on social media or within your sector getting involved in arguments (it will be checked if anyone is thinking of working with you, and it is easy to find people behind pseudonyms - I do this regularly and have definitely not taken jobs forward with people who are clearly a PR liability and/or UKIP supporters, even if their work is decent).

I suppose what I am saying is that you don't need to be hugely over-confident, just not socially anxious...you don't necessarily need to be in tip-top physical shape...you don't need to be super bright. You do need to be the person who can go 'I can do that' or 'I can learn that' and then - and this is crucial - you need to actually do it, on time and within budget.

And lastly, you need a bullshit alarm, because people absolutely will exploit you if you have a grab bag of skills - even nice people with high profiles. If they can pick your brains as a shortcut, they will, and you end up with nothing. It's not necessarily calculated on their part, it is just the norm. So turning their ideas into genuine opportunities for you is also a skill worth developing, and quite often those same people will respect that you have a plan.

Get to it ;)

Luck, always. (Health, natural ability, emotionally supportive parents etc).
Hard work, even when life might have been better at the time if I’d slacked more.
Perseverance - not all of my decisions have led to success and/or happiness, but I’ve always tried to roll with mistakes and make better decisions next time.
Willingness to sacrifice short term gains for longer term goals, e.g. I earned a lot less than many of my peers during my mid-twenties, but it has paid off now in my thirties in terms of salary, job satisfaction and flexibility.
Willingness to move around the country for new opportunities and take the hits on my personal life that that entailed.

I also had a rich friend when I was little who's family would take me skiing, out for meals and on holiday because she was an only child.
This meant I learnt the social language of wealthier people and could see another social circle to the one I was brought up in (council estate).

I went to a leading arts school on scholarship where again I hung out with rich people and learnt the inner confidence of the over educated.

When I graduated I moved back to my working class area where housing and living costs are low so I had the freedom to pursue a less traditional career.

So a combination of luck, knowing what I want and being calculating in how to get there.

All of those things can be true. Having rich parents helps too! They can lend the seed money needed to start a business and bail you out of debt if things don’t work out. I’ve seen it so many times...

I think it's really important to know what you want out of life because you can't have it all so you need to know which bits are important to you so you can work towards achieving them.

It's a bit taboo to say 'I want this out of life and I will get there', I think we're supposed to pretend that things just fell into place but I think it's easy to live the same life over and over again and suddenly think 'how did I get here?'.

My key things are stability, financial security, a job I enjoy, my relationships and freedom to pursue exercise and hobbies.

I've turned down lots of opportunities for growth in my business because it would require me to move away from what I enjoy doing.

Enjoying your life is success to me.

This is really interesting.
I am taking a 5 minute break from my studies. I have recently dropped a day a fortnight at work (ft) to pursue a degree in MFL. I already did the bulk of it years ago but have 2 to go, including this one.
It means learning French to a degree of fluency that I am nowhere near, and then I will do teacher training. I currently have a support role in a school but I do teach as unqualified for some classes (what you need to teach year 7 is completely different to learning about French history etc like I am now so I am perfectly able to do that!)

SO - in order to be successful in my plan, I have had to lose money to gain time, I work every single day after work for several hours some days. I spend my weekends travelling to London for group French lessons, I dream in French, Ive given up running, I dont see my friends too often... BUT in a couple of years, I will be a French teacher, which is quite an asset to have, I know French teachers are hard to recruit and without blowing too much smoke up my arse, I am damn good at it.
I then want a HOD job, and ultimately senior leadership for a couple of years.
Once my youngest goes to uni/graduates, I will sell my house (which I solely own with a small mortgage) and I will travel/teach abroad.

That's the plan and IF I achieve all of that, I will be in my mind "successful".

Now back to the books

I'm successful in my career, but I doubt I have much in common with traditionally "successful" professionals. I work for myself, I don't work in an office, I don't like corporate settings.

I built a.succssful career because I had a goal (to buy a house mortgage-free before I'm 40 and retire before I'm 50) and to achieve that goal I need money. I am ambitious and driven, that's basically it. Happy to work hard and work a lot. Nothing to do with small.things like what I eat or how much sleep I get, I don't think.

@furrytoebean, there is a certain confidence that comes with growing up rich / wealthy. I look at my BIL and SIL (my husband's half siblings) and they had a confidence at a young age that I only learned much later in life. My DH was brought up in another country with his working class mum and he's the same as me.

I really envy my BIL and SIL. Luckily I like them too, and I'm trying to expose my own children to their way of thinking. They have an incredibly financial savvy mother and I soooo wish that I was taught that at an early age.

Honestly it always seems to me to be people who can see the big picture and there’s so few people like that. Some rare people just have it in them and the trying-to-be-successful ones just try to copy what that is. (And the vast majority of people don’t even realise what it is they should be copying).

I think about this stuff a lot. Why people are the way they are and why so many people can’t or don’t critically think for example. Is it nature or nurture?

Well it depends how one is defining success.

In terms of financial success you tend to get the two types, the self made entrepreneurs who maybe didn't have much growing up but they believe in themselves & have a hunger/fight to achieve. Then when you're looking at those earning 300k plus a yr they generally come from fairly privileged backgrounds, private school, parents in similar roles so they have exposure, inner self confidence etc.

I think being prepared to take risks is really important in this and having a healthy attitude to ‘failure’ and being able to know what plan b is if a doesn’t work out.

I built a successful career as a freelancer, and then six months ago saw a job posted that I just had to apply for. It’s reduced my income, and means my business has taken a downturn BUT it has also given me the time to move it into an area I always wanted to and the job is giving me indispensable experience too. So I know I’ll be able to turn freelancing into an agency in the not to distant future - but if that doesn’t work out, I’ve got a job I love anyway.