To ask you how did you become successful?

[ethelfleda]

I’m not going to define ‘success’ - if you consider yourself to be successful then you probably are!

Basically, I was watching the pre match coverage before the rugby World Cup final and they were discussing what the team would likely do to prepare. Their diet, pre match rituals. They were interviewing a sports psychologist.

I started to wonder about applying this philosophy to meet life goals.

So, let’s say my goal was to earn a million pounds in the next five years (it isn’t, but I’m using this as an example) then my biggest asset to achieve this is my brain. So if I was to work on my confidence levels, always get enough sleep and exercise, eat the right sorts of foods, as well as to figure out the main ‘game plan’ to achieve this, this should help to hit those goals, right?

I’m probably not explaining this very well!
So easier to ask - what do successful people have in common? Are they all very confident? Hardworking? Have a certain mindset? Have you read a book that changed the course of your life or met someone you wanted to emulate?

Ambition and hardwork

TobyTheCat while you might not be in a position right now this minute to start your baking business, you can gain and polish skills.

eg get comfortable with basic accounting and spreadsheets, tax obligations, the HMRC website (it's labyrinthine)

Do an audit of what equipment you'll need and work out a budget and plan for building that up

Find out what your local authorities' regulations and assessment is like for your kitchen space/health and safety and work on meeting the criteria

Have a plan for involving people you know, or making good contacts locally: word of mouth is essential.

Work on some basic graphic design

Think of other marketing strategies eg a business card in with baked items for the school fete, that sort of thing, a strategic donation to a local shelter with accompanying social media

Write yourself the copy for your business launch as a motivator

Do a time-and-motion study of yourself/your workplace so you know what your maximum capacity could be (helps you not overload yourself early on)

And of course, write your business plan if you see yourself borrowing money!

Awful childhood and upbringing, left home age 16, worked crappy jobs to keep afloat then decided one day to make a go of my life, studied at uni part time and now doing the job of my dreams earning a decent salary, I don't define success by work but it helps to enable a decent lifestyle

I have had a successful career in the artistic field I dreamed of as a child. To have it, I moved to the city where those careers were possible after college. I got a job at the very bottom rungs and just hung on for dear life, slowly acquiring skills from anyone there who would teach me, on top of my regular workload. I took specialized classes. I met peers and leaders at other companies. I wasn't one of those fast people who bristle with confidence. I felt stupid and humiliated by how long it took me to get recognition, and sometimes by how slowly I learned. But I was very determined because I loved it so so so much and it was the only thing I loved. I got hired for a very responsible senior level position in my early 30s, and I was completely prepared.

I lowered my expectations of life. Stopped defining success as money, possessions and reframed it as happiness, the joy of small things.

Doing that DH and I both left well paid jobs and went to university to study subjects that inetrested us. He got a job he really enjoys, even now 15 years later and I went into teaching... and then left when it got to be too much. I now run my own small business.

We both started in shitty families, very little money and less fmailial support. So everything we have, or will ever have, we worked for. And once we stepped off the money chasing track we were much happier and, oddly, ended up in a better position than we would otherwise have been in.

I’m successful in so far as I have the career I want and I’ve progressed very well.

I can almost pin point when my out look changed. I was 15 and I had what can only be described as a severe bollocking from a teacher who told me I wasn’t living up to my potential and that I’d be left behind and regret it all in 20 years. I was terrified. On that bus ride home from school I decided to stop procrastinating (my number one downfall) and get on with getting my shit together.
I went home, made a list of what I wanted to achieve that year and the following year and worked on a plan to do it myself.
After that my goal was medical school and I set myself weekly, monthly and term based goals to get there. I still set myself task related, daily and weekly goals now.

I now have the job I want and run a successful side business and I think that is due to writing down and following through with my goals. I hold myself accountable if I don’t get where I want.

I have a chronic health condition so I try my hardest to eat well and keep active. I make those part of my weekly goals.

Some people describe me as a bit stubborn and bloody minded but once I have a goal I will achieve it.

To the degree that I am successful, I would say I am happier than a lot of people because I seem to be totally missing the urge to compare myself to others. They are them and I am me, you can't compare totally different things, so I've never compared my marriage/job/looks/home/kids to anyone else's.

TBH most of my 'relative' success, such as owning a home young and being likely to pay off the mortgage of my current home early is entirely down to family circumstances and luck of birth, so not my effort at all.

Thank you nibdedibble I don;'t really have much support and no friends really - if I told my Dad about it he would laugh at me. I just feel forgotten about and let down and I feel like I need a purpose.

That's really sad that your dad would laugh toby

Some members of my family laugh at me too and think I'm stuck up. It's really hard to ignore and it stings but it's a reflection of them not you.

if I told my Dad about it he would laugh at me

Don’t tell him. Just do it. It took me years to work this one out. I no longer need my dads approval. I no longer have his voice in my head telling me I can’t do it or it’s a stupid idea.

I had a life changing event age 18 ( I was told that I was going to die- less than 5% chance of surviving a surgery). It made me very driven.

6 weeks maternity leave (all that was paid). Childcare cost were more than my salary but DH always saw as joint.

Married someone who was equally driven.

I think of myself as successful as I am a qualified chartered accountant with my own practice, which isn't bad after leaving school (a crap comp) with no GCE's!

I got where I am with sheer hard work and determination. That included working for less than a pound per hour as a dogsbody in a small accountancy practice, teaching myself O and A levels, and putting a lot of effort into persuading my employer to train me up in book-keeping, accounts preparation, etc so I was "attached" to an older guy who taught me enough to get by. After 3 years of that and with some A levels (poor grades), I got a proper trainee accountant job in a slightly bigger firm who supported proper accountancy training, and 5 years later, I qualified, and then moved to another even bigger accountancy firm. Then 20 years of working in various departments, getting promotions, etc., I felt capable and experienced enough to start my own practice. Never looked back.

So, decades of hard work and perseverance but stuck with my plan through thick and thin and eventually got there by brute force rather than luck or a silver spoon.

Your dad sounds like a bit of a dead weight, TobyTheCat!

As others have said, he doesn't need to be considered when you are planning YOUR future job.

All the very best to you, whatever you decide to do.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit. I think we started early and focussed on education in its widest sense. Learning can and should be fun. Baking cakes and water play teaches maths etc. Children don’t care if they’re singing Beyoncé or times tables. Ours had times tables. Reading daily for an hour or so from birth.
We rewarded much - success as well as efforts. Talking about futures, we made university a norm. High expectations were set. We didn’t have “going into town” just to “chill”. No hanging around the park. Life was reasonably structured but allowed fun, imaginative play and relaxation with similar peers.
Did it work? On the whole. They are happy, confident, reasonably high earning with a step on the property ladder. They are in established long term relationships. They put the hours in now knowing it will pay off longer term. They have had to do things they haven’t enjoyed for career development.
Our daughter is a third year GP trainee, so works full time and qualifies next July. She does additional locus work in a hospice at weekends to boost income and gain wider experience so she’s better placed to gain a place on a specialty training programme to become a palliative medicine consultant. She’s doing a masters in ethics alongside her work.
Youngest is at university but intending to get a first (which will be rewarded). She has one graduate job offer from her internship but is looking more widely before committing.
They’re also nice people. .

They sound great cherry

I'm happy, so some people would consider this to be successful

Im a doer - if I want something, I make plans to make it happen
Short term plans
Long term plans
Work extra hours

I make a list at the beginning of the year & aim to do some things on the list
Some things take time, so can roll onto the next year's list

This year, I've completed most of the things on the list, some examples;

Joined a new club
Gained a new qualification
Visited some new places

It's a really difficult one.

I find being able to compartmentalise really helps.

I grew up in an abusive household and entered an abusive marriage at 20. Having grown up very poor, I always wanted to be comfortable. I was also brought up, being told that women dont have careers.

When it comes to work, I laser focus on work. When it comes to career that skill has served me best. I can cut off all the distractions. That skill is something that lots of abused children have. That and hypersensitivity about how people are feeling. I know when to tackle my boss over something and when not to. I can read a room really well.

I can also put bad feelings on a box and shut it away, helping me focus. If I feel like I cant do something, I can put it away. The downside is that, eventually it does catch up with you. I do have days or weeks where I feel very low or scared. But then move on.

So in some ways my early life gave me skills I needed to become a high earner. So, as it was awful. It was lucky in some ways.

I'm going to add that I currently have a great - work/out of work life balance

I appreciate the good /bad

I appreciate my family / friends

I'm not afraid of change or trying new things

I've been called a ' strong person'

There has been some good luck & I've come through the bad times

I'm going to add that I've done the things that I want to do

Not what other people may have wanted me to do

I work with a many ex Olympic athletes and sports psychologists and our company applies these principles in a business setting. Mainly we focus on: resilience, adaptability, growth mindset, good leadership. There is great research and literature on all these topics. For an individual the first three are probably key.

I saw delayed gratification mentioned upthread and I’d say that’s the thing that’s allowed
my family to be so financially healthy. We wait and save, plan and invest rather than borrow, and focus on more long term pleasures (stability in retirement, savings that mean we don’t fear job security, housing) rather than shorter term ones like eating out for lunch at work or buying things we don’t need on a whim.

Oh also having an overarching goal, keeping focused on it, and chunking it into achievable steps/pieces.

Always looking at the big picture around me and reading the writing on the wall that others ignored
Putting myself out there to do things and be visible
Applying for jobs I wanted and not being riddled by doubt about whether I was good enough
Learning to handle people to reach compromise without creating animosity
Continually adding to and updating my skills
Not being lazy - doing things other people would think was too much effort for the long time results
Taking calculated risks - moving to fixed term contracts or taking short term pay drops to be in better organisations with more opportunities

It’s actually been quite hard work if I thought about it but I love it.

Having a plan - 12 months , 3 years 5 years, 10 year goals.

Also having a supportive husband who works with and around me for house/kids/food has been utterly essential.

Oh yes, taking calculated risks.

I recently took a job that was a risk. Made sure sure I got a huge pay rise. Was given a bonus for joining and have an air tight contract that pays me, if it doesnt work out.

The job, if it goes wrong, could damage my career. So I wanted monetary recompense to mitigate those risks.

The company grew to fast and is run by people who do the actual job, but dont know how to run a company. So several people were brought in to sort it out. All of us taking risks, so you mitigate the risk.

I was too mentally unwell as a teenager to be successful, despite being intelligent. Due to an abusive childhood.

So for me, the key was going to back to college as an adult. My goal was University. Chose a subject I love - Science. Totally submerged myself in the subject. Everything I read or watched was to do with it.

Probably worth noting I was a single parent to 3DC at this point. I wrote essays and assignments with my 1 year old in a sling on my back at midnight when she was teething.

I had offers from 2 RG Unis and a Top 20 Non RG one.

I chose the Non RG one due to their pedagogy meeting my SPLDs better than the RG ones.

In my second year now.

Luck played a part - those 3 Unis were within 20 miles of where I was living at the time. My Grandparents were so proud of me that they funded half of the costs of me moving closer to Uni, a dear friend covered the rest (as a loan, as I refused to accept it as a gift), and after being knocked by 20+ landlords/estate agents as NOBODY wanted a student single mother from a council estate, I found a landlady who and I quote “You’re a badass, the house is yours”

So goal #1 has been accomplished.

Goal #2 is Post Grad

Haven’t thought much past that.

But basically I took a huge gamble as my MH was still in the shit pan after an abusive marriage but I figured it couldn’t get any worse so went to college.

I also ignored the many, many people in my life who told me I wouldn’t be able to do it, I shouldn’t be putting my baby in daycare there’s no chance I’d make it past the first term, my chance for an education had passed, etc.

Fuck those guys. Don’t listen to them.