To ask you how did you become successful?

[ethelfleda]

I’m not going to define ‘success’ - if you consider yourself to be successful then you probably are!

Basically, I was watching the pre match coverage before the rugby World Cup final and they were discussing what the team would likely do to prepare. Their diet, pre match rituals. They were interviewing a sports psychologist.

I started to wonder about applying this philosophy to meet life goals.

So, let’s say my goal was to earn a million pounds in the next five years (it isn’t, but I’m using this as an example) then my biggest asset to achieve this is my brain. So if I was to work on my confidence levels, always get enough sleep and exercise, eat the right sorts of foods, as well as to figure out the main ‘game plan’ to achieve this, this should help to hit those goals, right?

I’m probably not explaining this very well!
So easier to ask - what do successful people have in common? Are they all very confident? Hardworking? Have a certain mindset? Have you read a book that changed the course of your life or met someone you wanted to emulate?

@CherryPavlova and @IWork I was the same. Now, how do I teach my teenager how to study properly? I'm not sure I would've listened if someone gave me study advice at 13. But how do I make him see that it really is about technique as well as hard work?

I want him to view life differently to how I did, but I fear I'm making the same mistakes as my parents.

I worked incredibly hard over the course of what is now 7 years, often working for clients for very little at the beginning just to gain experience and references/reviews for further down the line. I went gradually from earning £2 an hour (I know - but there aren't the same rules when you're self employed) and living in one room at my mum's, to earning £60 an hour and living with my partner in our own house each with our own car living a relatively nice life.

I don't think my journey is over yet. The next stage is to find higher paying clients and cut down on my hours. I'd be happy at 20 hours a week at £80 an hour. Here's hoping!

I have been discussing that recently Turtle and I’m afraid I have to come to the conclusion that the simplest/ most effective way is having a tutor. I know that’s not always affordable. But I think even a few sessions could help establish a revision plan.

I think you're right @CherryPavlova

@Passthecherrycoke I'm sorry! I kep refencing the wrong Cherry

Think I need a tutor!!

Strong worth ethic, and will to work hard it what made me successful.

That’s ok no problem

Hard work and perseverance.

Yes, lots of people work hard and get nowhere. But you only have to read some threads on MN to see how work-shy/easily defeated some people are.

I've never complained about working ridiculous hours when needed, or having to join calls whilst on holiday, or missing my own 40th birthday party due to work travel, or OH's 50th, or DD's birthdays, etc, etc. Plus the endless weeks away on another continent and cancelled holidays, etc, etc.

Nor, when I was working full time (including 5x12hr night shifts 1 week in 3) and studying for my 1st degree and masters for 6 years solid at the same time did I throw the towel in due to having to spend pretty much every weekend flat out studying flat out to keep up, whilst friends were on weekends away or partying - bank hols were grim in my early 20s!

Now I still travel for work but I work from home whenever I'm not away, and do whatever hours I feel like. And I mostly arrange trips around my own and my family's calendar, plus I'm paid roughly 10x the average wage for our region.

Now, how do I teach my teenager how to study properly? I'm not sure I would've listened if someone gave me study advice at 13. But how do I make him see that it really is about technique as well as hard work?

I’m working on this now with teenager. I’m basically hoping that my repetition will sink into his subconscious and resurface during study/exams. I’m lucky (he’s lucky?) he’s quite self motivated to be in a position to be able to pick the A levels he wants. He knows he wants to do maths and physics and he saw me doing my access course and everything that entailed while parenting. I think he does understand the value of taking this education opportunity while it’s being provided for him free of charge without any other pressures on his life. So hopefully he’s taking on board the advice his old mum is dishing out.

I hope so @IWork. I suspect I'm too soft.

I wish I could be successful but I feel like I don't stand a chance. I have autism and complex mh issues so have never worked. The only way i'd be able to be successful is if I had my own business/worked for myself, but that requires money which I don't have. My dream is to set up a bakery as it makes me so happy to bake things and have a creative outlet. For now I will just accept my lot - that i'm one of lifes losers and will die sad and alone.

See @Greatnorthwoods and @DowntownAbby, I also thought a good work ethic will do it.

I certainly have that. But, I also think I have had really, really shitty luck. In my first job, I progressed quite quickly. I loved it there, and worked every minute I could. I left to move countries because my DH couldn't get a visa to stay in South Africa. Then I spent a few years in England building myself up again. By the time I was happy and progressing, we decided to move back to SA because his father needed our help in his business.

Spent another few years building myself up again and just when I was happy, DH moved jobs and we had to move cities. After 2 years, we gave up in that city but then the accident happened and now I'm disabled, working for my FIL again for minimum wage.

If I hadn't have followed DH everywhere, I could also probably be very successful now. It's a rubbish thought, and a good job I really love him and he truly is a good guy, although he has made some questionable choices that affected us both. I think I've finally learned my lesson though and once I am established in a good job again, I'm bloody staying put .

@Tobythecat don't give up! Bake a few bits extra and give it to people as samples. Next thing you know, someone will need a birthday cake and remember and then you charge them for it.

But it will take time xx

A huge amount of luck with combined with some hard work. If I hadn't had the opportunities I was born with (no financial worries growing up, expectations that i'd succeed academically, ASD which was horrible socially but very good for me academically/in the right line of work) it would have been much more difficult to be where I am, because I have chronic pain + illness, as well as mental health problems stemming from emotionally abusive home + romantic relationships.

I'd also say that success IS relative. Bearing in mind my health problems, I feel very successful because I've managed to carve a niche for myself in which I work part time, flexibly from home with no set hours (bosses don't care what time I work as long as I get the job done), and get an above average salary, even when pro-rated (I earn the same for 3 days a week as many in my industry get full time).

I'd also say having a can-do attitude makes all the difference, too. Not to the point of being a doormat (staying super late, working loads of overtime for no pay, covering other people's work when they ask), but by having a problem-solving mindset. I rarely say something can't be done (unless a client's budget and their expectations are completely mismatched, eg they want something complex and sophisticated, very high production values, but only want to pay 50p and some pocket lint). My constant refrain to bosses is not to worry and I can do the thing they're asking me to do. I'll find a way. I've never missed a deadline or not done what they've requested. I've got a reputation for very fast and high quality work, and get the very interesting and challenging projects as a result, which I love.

I've never read a self help book on business, and didn't have a tutor/private education growing up, but I did have personal expectations and I guess a drive to prove myself in some way, to overcome my physical and mental health problems, which meant I never gave up. (I am very very lucky that I have been able to do this, and my advantages in academic study/finding a niche have been the difference between being able to do this and not being able to do this - I couldn't do a physical job because of my chronic health problems, or one that required significant face-to-face contact partly as a result of my ASD and partly my mental problems - if those were my only realistic options then I would struggle to work at all).

I don't think I work particularly hard to be honest.

But the work I do is constant. I've never taken a full week off in about 6 years but I regularly take long weekends and I'm mumsnetting on a Monday morning

The industry I work in is very very competitive. And has a huge failure rate.
One thing that having no money to start out with taught me was how get the most money for the least overheads and man hours.
I made a profit on my first day of trading because I refused to pay out for all the things you were 'supposed to have' (not insurance and stuff I had all that stuff) and have never expanded before I was ready and every time I have expanded it's because I was bored rather than needed the money.

I'm always shocked at the things my competitors don't consider, like how many clients they can see at one time or how much their rent is or, a massive one, paying themselves.

I know that there are some competitors that appear on the outside to be more successful than me but are in tonnes of debt or haven't taken a wage for themselves ever.

I think sometimes people get so swept up in the romance of it all that they just think it'll have to work if they invest.

But I think being brought up poor makes you see how you can stretch your money.

Noooo toby
That's so not true!

You need to tell everyone you're a baker! Tell everyone how much you love baking cakes and I guarantee someone will ask you to make them a cake eventually. Charge them the price of the ingredients and for any insurance etc, then post about it online and show how lovely it is and go from there.

You have to have the confidence to say 'I am (whatever it is)'
It's so scary at first but it's amazing how quickly you get that identity.

Sorry if this has already been said but negativity is a big blocker. I worked with someone with a negative attitude towards work and others and it seriously Impacted her job and prospects. She wasn't liked as a result and wasn't that successful then complained about others getting promotion.
I was successful in my career and now feel very successful as a SAHP.

You are right @MrsPerfect! You really do have to have the right attitude.

And that includes going above and beyond what you get paid for sometimes. Like @furrytoebean who hasn't had a week off. I was like that too.

I should probably stop talking on this thread as I am not very successful and using up space , but thanks for the discussions, it's made me rethink a few things again [flower]

Toby you absolutely can be a baker. My sisters friend started working (probably like most of the others!) from her kitchen in the evenings while looking after her 3 small children (one with SN). She has now got to the point of building a purpose built baking kitchen on the back of her house and has her diary full into the first half of next year. And she runs baking classes now too. She manages this all around her children and she is very open and upfront with all her customers that her children will always take priority but she is so good and she is consistent so she gets the business over and over again.

You can do it. As furry says tell everyone you’re a baker. Start baking just for yourself and set up an Instagram page and take photos every time you bake something. Share it far and wide on FB twitter etc. People will start asking you to bake things for them. Always take a good deposit (non refundable) before you purchase any ingredients. Honestly- you can do this. And if it takes off you could check with your local council if there are any small business start up grants or support for you. My council is great with new business support.

I think successful people always have their eye on the long game and every time they make a decision they ask themselves "which choice will get me closer, or at least not further away?" I know this is what I do, albeit subconsciously

Very interesting thread.

I have a friend who is a probation officer, who deals exclusively with female clients. One of the things that she says is that many of her clients are not even aware that they can make a decision and it can have an impact on their life.

I can’t imagine being in a position to not know that you can change your life and you are not a passenger.

Iworkatthecheesecake Thanks- I don't do birthday cakes as such but more pastries and simple cakes that sort of thing. Plus I'm on PIP and ESA so I couldn't afford to come off that whilst building up a business etc. It feels like a catch 22!

Self control
Not sentimental
Good at reading people
Avoiding crap men regardless of how cute they were when I was young.

Plus I'm on PIP and ESA so I couldn't afford to come off that whilst building up a business etc. It feels like a catch 22!

The man I spoke of upthread would tell you not to declare your earnings from baking until you were established.

Lots of hard work

Learning to delay gratification