Should I let my ex and his family see the baby.

[Youngmumxo]

Hi, Me and my ex partner recently just had a baby. I left him due to lots of arguments And wanted to put my baby and her well-being first. I’ve had the baby And told him about it via text message and he said he will come and see the baby when he’s ready and I should stop texting him or he will block my number bear in mind I haven’t done anything to him I just wanted to be nice and let him know that the baby is here. I was spending the night at my sisters house and my baby’s father decided to go to my house with his mum (thinking I was at home) to see the baby at nine in the night without letting me know and was really angry that I wasn’t there but yet he hasn’t planned anything with me and was even really rude and said he will contact me when he’s ready, he went to the house and he knows I leave a spare key under the mat and managed to get into my home, he kept calling me and saying he was waiting for me but I never agreed on meeting him that day. my battery died so I left my phone off till the next morning I went to my house to find that my TV had been smashed and was really upset by it and charged my phone, when it turned on I see text messages from him saying that he has smashed my TV. I was really upset and just drained and his mum has been sending me paragraphs saying that she would like to be in the babies life and would love to see the baby and that her son doesn’t have to be there and she’ll come to me to see the baby. She said she understand we don’t get on and was aware he physically assaulted me whilst I was pregnant and told me his dad was the same and agreed that he needs to sort out his anger before being in the baby’s life. I mentioned my smashed tv and she told me she had no idea and said it’s because he was waiting for so long... but she really wants to see the baby, but right now I honestly just don’t want him or his family seeing the baby maybe one day down the line but not any time soon am I being unreasonable ?

Ignore wagtailrobin post, thats a load of shit

Its not parental alienation. Its protecting your baby and making sure your baby doesnt grow up thinking this behaviour is normal! Parental alienation doesnt even come into it!

Thankyou everyone and yes I feel like his mother may condone his behaviour. She apologised about the tv and then went on to say it’s because he was waiting for so long ? It’s insane. So he’s just aloud to break things I’ve worked hard for. He’s also sent texts apologising about the tv but nothing saying he’ll get a new one he simply said I can pay for it to get fixed

Look it doesn't matter what his mother wants. She has no say in anything. However, your ex can take you to court where you will be forced to hand your child over to him unsupervised unless you provide evidence as to why this is a bad thing.

So report this incident to the police if you really want to protect your child!

Who said what and why isnt important right now. Think of the future.

Another thing I want to say OP is that children test your patience. Your ex's actions show that he has very poor self control and expresses his frustrations in a physical way. You can't guarantee that he won't smash things up around your daughter or even hit her. His mum will always stick up for him no matter what he does. She is not going to protect your girl.

@Lentilbug very true. I would rather trust my gut instinct than take the chance

Show the police your evidence, in the texts, that he smashed your TV.

Please say you'll do that tomorrow.

Hey yes, I’ve sent in a online report to police along with pictures of the television and took pictures of texts that was sent

Have nothing to do with his Mum. It's not safe for your daughter to be anywhere near any of that family.

I shouldn’t even be worried about the tv but it just sucks to have something I’ve worked so hard for and my first ever tv buy 62 inches which I was really proud about just to be taken away by him. But my baby and her well being matters much more, I’m happy me and the baby wasn’t there. I’ve tried really hard to build a nice home for her and a smashed up home surely isn’t a good look

Sounds to me from your updates like he and his mum were hoping to take the baby then leave you fighting through the courts to get your baby back. Don't let these people anywhere near your baby they're liars and he's violent.

@whattiggersdobest omg this is what I honestly felt was going to happen!!! He even said he was coming to get the baby for the night like what ? Why would I ever allow that in a million years. It’s insane, because that plan didn’t work out the mother now wants to visit the baby at my home address and take things from there. It’s very fishy

Don't unlock the door, if either of them ever comes round.

Contact centre
Move your key
Report everything to the police
Get him to pay for tv (I am jealous I would love a tv that size, however my home isn’t large enough for one, so would look stupid- but I can dream lol)

Most of all keep both of you safe!

Do you have a chain on your front door? Get one installed. Or a ring doorbell. Something that keeps the door still secure while you see who is there

Change your locks in case he's made a copy of the key. And stop keeping a spare key under the mat--it's not safe.

I’m glad you have reported it to the police, OP. You have proof this time from the text messages.

Now for your own safety - please contact your landlord to get the locks changed, explain that your ex may have stolen a copy of the key. Also ask about whether you can get a chain put on the door.

(And yes, keep a key at a friends house in the future if you need it, don’t put it under the mat again!)

I'd move, change my number and come off SM.

1. did he return the key? Are you sure he hasn't made a copy? Please make sure there are no keys in his possession or change the locks.
2. phone the police and report him trespassing and damaging your TV
3. lock down security on all your Social Media.
4. he sounds dangerous

Call the police
Change the locks
keep the texts from his Mother
Change your numbers
Stay off SM

Oh and yes, keep the mum at arms length - she clearly has form for boundary issues as she was quite happy to go along to your house late at night.

I don’t think I would pop round anyone’s house unannounced at 9pm; let alone someone with a newborn, let alone an ex who I’m not on good terms with!!!

Remember if he isn't on the bc you have a lot more control. He would have to go to court to get PR. Costing him money. You haven't said if he is on. Get a residency order ASAP if he is. Or police can't stop him snatching your dc. You need to get tough op.
They sound unhinged.

OP I would go for supervised contact in a contact centre.
Do NOT put him on the birth certificate.
Phone police also speak to your health visitor. They may be able to help.

Oh OP what a fuck awful situation. Please make yourself and your baby your priority, and change the locks asap. He will do this again and it sounds like his mother is enabling him and making excuses.
I'm sorry you had such an issue with the police but it doesn't surprise me. I hope you have real life support.

In some areas domestic abuse services can help you make your home more secure to help you keep safe. It sounds like this is something that would be useful for you.

If he comes near you dial 999 (you can do it silently if you register your phone with the emergency services). It sounds like he is really dangerous and should not be near you or the baby.

I'm happy you contacted police as other said do not put him on birth certificate.

I also wouldn't speak to his mother who also seems to think his behaviour is ok ? It's not ok .