to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

I think her basic idea was good. She had extra children to feed and knew some of the food she had supplied would go to waste. The way she did it though wasnt the best. Shed have been better still asking the kids what they didnt want and removing it and then just putting it out for the uninvited guests.

I know as a parent that siblings will come to the party. I plan for it and ask if siblings are coming and to tell me first. I thinks it’s quite rude to do to the children but I would in no way make a scene and expect my child That I didn’t mention I was bringing to eat if there wasn’t enough food

As with all CF, they're banking on you being too polite to say anything/make things awkward for innocent third party.

Host mum well done - if the parents aren't teaching their kids social skills, kids tend to find out about them anyway. From being at the wrong end of them, sadly.

C’mon OP, This sounds too silly to be true. Are you sure you have the right story? It’s unlikely you could get a truthful version of these crazy events from the type of bat shit Mother you have described especially as the ‘story’ is via a young distraught uninvited party guest Mum!

With these types of story if it sounds too ridiculous to be true I think that the chances are that it’s bollux. OP, you are being too gullible believing this shite.

Wait.... I just read the comments. This is a regular thing? Parents dropping off kids to a party without supervision??
Seems like crap parents to me. I’m so glad my kids friends parents aren’t that rude.

I can't believe people just send other siblings to a party they are not invited too, I had to bring ds1once to a party ds2was invited to, the only reason I did this was because ds2 is severely autistic,and has learning disabilities ,so I can't just leave him at a party, and dh was working ,but I did phone the mum up to let her know and said I didn't expect ds1to join in the party , she did say it was ok for us all to have some of the buffet though and ds1_just played on his phone .

I think Party Mom is brilliant. When I first saw this, I thought, Good for her. My guess is that she’s dealt with this before and has finally had enough.

However.

I think she could have done more upfront to try to prevent the problem in the first place and not called her invention a "Yuck Bin."

I would have put on the invitations, “By invitation only. No siblings, please.”

Then I would have tried to stave off the problem at the door. I can appreciate, though, that this would be difficult, if one doesn’t know every single one of her kid’s friends or if she’s busy doing something else when people are dropping off. Inevitably, some siblings will be left. When that happens . . .

I’d have a bin ready for the unwanted food, but instead label it, “No food shall go to waste! ” or something else PC to accommodate delicate sensitivities.

I’d also buy a small package of cupcakes so the extra kids had at least some cake to eat. After all, none of this is their fault.

At pick up, I’d seek out the CF parents who thought I was a day care service and politely say, “You left Ashley here today. The party was by invitation only. No worries, I’ll mail / email you the bill for her.” Then when the mom looks shocked, I’d flap my hand at her and say, “Oh, just kidding!”

I’m passive-aggressive that way.

It might make them think twice about doing it at the next party.

CFDC - 'Party mum' Im hungry

Party mum - ok, there are spare crisps and bits if you want them over in that box, help yourself

On pick up -
CFDC - Mum - I only got crisps that no-one else wanted

CF - Kicks off but doesnt pull such a stunt again I bet!

I dont for one minute think party mum kept the uninvited kids on another table and threw crusts at them.

😂 Those saying ‘just greet your guests and turn away excess children firmly but politely’

WHAT?!?! Drop off at a kids party is like the opening day of the next sales! So unless you can have 14 conversations at once and know every single one of your DC’s 20-30 invited classmates by sight... YOU STAND NO CHANCE!

Not to mention that CF mums are intentionally trying not to get caught! They don’t walk up and ask if it’s ok to leave the extra child- tbh I’ve seen CF mums abandoning children outside the door to walk in with other families- so no it’s not a solution at all!

Children don’t deserve to suffer, but neither is the host parent required to include them like an invited guest! It wouldn’t be wrong or mean for the uninvited siblings to simply be given colouring to do separately to the party- otherwise host parents are simply being held hostage by CF parents!

Around here parents (who don’t want to deal with this) opt for the pricier pay per head venues - where a staff member greets the children with a check list of names and isn’t afraid to ‘politely’ shout at/after CF parents who try to drop and run. I’ve still seen siblings left (in the queue) who turned out to not be on the list. Host parent is then discreetly offered the option to pay to include them but generally they don’t (having already paid £10-£15+ per head for the class. Staff give the extra kids colouring and have them sit on chairs in a little separate area but it’s not the fun party they were expecting. HOWEVER, it has decreased how often it happens since host parents took a firmer stance. Even CF parents don’t like their kids being excluded!

It's quite funny actually and worthy of being written in to a Motherland episode. The absolute cheek of people dumping uninvited siblings on the party host and then ranting about how they've been fed ! The food sounded lovely anyway, not too sure about the yuk bin idea maybe a basket in the middle of the table for unwanted items to be distributed around ? What a scream !

I doubt the vomiting bin was done with the intention of feeding extra kids. It was a solution to a problem thrust upon the hosting parent.

"Drop off at a kids party is like the opening day of the next sales! "

The first time I held a kid's party at home here in Germany, where kids were dropped off, kids & parents all waited outside & at the precise time, doorbell rang & all kids were all dropped off en masse!

No CF's though

I wouldn't have done this; children are very in thrall to peers and if the child next to them turns up their nose at x food, there's a good chance that their neighbour joins in with the veto.

It's a bit pathetic of the host mother. I wouldn't be comfortable letting my children witness cihldren being made to eat differently, ie. get their food from a crassly designed bin.

Host mother and uninvited guest mother - both scummy behaviour and you move in odd circles, OP.

The mum sounds as sick as her emoji.
It's the children who are humiliated in having to choose something from the "yuck bin". Just calling it that is cruel in itself.
Those children didn't gate crash the party of their own accord.
Some rude parent dumped them there.
Yes of course they were rude to bring uninvited siblings, but the host was just cruel beyond words.
Any parent with a decent heart would have brought a few extra boxes along to allow for this, and if not eaten I'm sure they would make use of the leftovers.
It's the children who are being punished for being brought to a party they had no choice about attending.
How would a young child perceive that?
The woman wants the contents of her "yuck bin" tipping over head!!

Giving the left overs/unwanted food was ok (even though I’ve never that happening befire!)
Humiliating the siblings who had no choice to be there wasn’t.

I suspect though that this is something that has been ongoing for a while. And the parents who are leaving the siblings are still do) that, despite knowing that it’s rude and annoying for the other parents, they’ve just carried on (to be able to have 1h39 for themselves). One parent snapped. The cheeky parents might think twice about doing that again.

Asking the uninvited children to help themselves from a "bin" (was it a proper bin, or just a box with the sticker on it?) with unwanted bags of crisps, cereal bars, chocolate bars (so all things in sealed package) is OK. If these things are mixed with slices of fruit, carrot sticks, fairy cakes, sandwiches, stuff that was not wrapped, then not OK. The idea of putting aside the unwanted bits of food (to be either eaten at the party by the not-invited siblings or by the parents attending the party, or just to be taken home) is a good one, always good to reduce waste, but maybe a tray or two would have been better.

However, the parents who dumped the uninvited children at the party and then left, expecting the host parent to feed and entertain them and maybe even provide party bags are CFs too.

Poor behaviour by both parents.

I don't see a major issue - assuming all the food was wrapped.

It's really not on to turn up to a party uninvited.

Why wouldn't the 'pissed off' and 'put upon' host parent pay attention at the door if this is such a 'thing'?

Honestly? If I was experiencing this and feel that aggrieved about it, I'd have somebody acting as a 'bouncer' and politely turning non-invited children away and back to their bringing-parent.

Not this.

Makes a good story though, doesn't it?

we never had problems with uninvited siblings ... why is it such an issue now?

Perhaps because some have got more and more entitled and less willing to hear "no"? Also that they've been enabled by those willing to pander to them "for the sake of the kids"?

Maybe the unbelievers mix with better people, but even then there's no guarantee against CFery ... after all, with a largeish party you can't always know what the DPs of your kid's friends are going to be like

Oh dear, that was a bit too much, even if she was totally sick of CFs leaving their uninvited siblings at parties!

However, I do get utterly sick of people who think this is an ok thing to do - it really isn't.

Luckily for me, it doesn't happen too much to me - largely because we often have pool parties (yay Australia) and I insist that parents stay as well because of the safety aspect. We had one last week, as it happens - and despite most of the kids who came having siblings, only two parents rang me to ask if the sibling could come too as they had no other childcare, so would have to refuse their invited child's invitation.
I'm not a monster so I agreed - because they'd been polite enough to ask and explain. But if any others had turned up I wouldn't have had party bags for them, and if ANY parents had "dumped and run" then their kid wouldn't have been allowed in the pool for safety reasons.

Mostly parents I know seem to NOT be CFs, thank goodness!

I don't think the host mum did anything wrong - assuming she hadn't pre planned to feed the children from the 'bin' that is.

I'm also really surprised to head how common it is to drop unwanted siblings at parties. Apart from anything else, I would have thought the average class of, for example, Year 2 children would be very put out at having 5 or 6 nursery or reception children joining in on their fun.

Question for people who experience this - do the CF parents bring 2 presents??

we never had problems with uninvited siblings ... why is it such an issue now?

In all honesty I think it's a generation of entitlement and parents who just don't now how to parent. Parents now don't seem to know or understand social etiquette or abide and respect rules like the generation before them. This then passes on to their children.

So many children nowadays are completely oblivious to the word NO and don't seem to have any manners. That comes from the parents.

It's got to the point now where you need to write the obvious on the invite To Josh - no siblings then put a sign on the party hall door Thankyou for coming - please make sure you take siblings home (or they'll be fed scraps from the bins)

Maybe she brought the yuck bin so she could collect the unwanted food in one place and that she wasn't really expecting additional children but didn't want them to go hungry so told them to help themselves to the extra food. She may not have intented it for uninvited guests but made use of it when they did shoe up.

So Host mum had a bit of fun with the party kids and had a Yuck bin to put in anything that they didn't want, untouched and uneaten presumably. Then she very kindly offered it to uninvited gatecrashers who had been dumped on her. and she is the one at fault? Batshit crazy.

The CF mother should be grateful that her child was fed anything.

When I did a soft play party for 10 girls, I had to refuse uninvited siblings on arrival as I was not going to pay for them.

Thank god DD is too old for all this crap now.