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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

658 replies

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 12:23

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji Shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

OP posts:
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/11/2019 14:37

@dontalltalkatonce - you don't know some of the people round here. CF mum sounds like she'd argue the toss. People sneak them in. People actually don't walk up to the door, just let them out of the car and don't greet the host. Etc. Happens all the time.

RightYesButNo · 03/11/2019 14:39

Completely agree with @Hoppinggreen and @Peggywoolley. I think the mum was trying to come up with a fun way to address food waste that young kids would enjoy (hence things like the emoji), and then unrelated, she ended up with extra siblings due to CF parents. Th two got combined, but it wasn’t some malicious plot, nor was it intended to embarrass any children. So she probably fed them completely untouched, unspoiled food from the “yuck bin,” which I would imagine only included foods that could be easily reused, like the fruit or crisps. If she was my friend, I’d support her on this one.

To be clear, though, I 100% believe the only way to solve this situation is if people either constantly refuse to let siblings in, even if that means at the door on the day of the party OR if they name and shame the PARENTS, preferably in an all-parents’ chat.

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 14:40

It's nigh on impossible to tell a CF hellbent on heading to Costa unaccompanied that she can't leave her extra kids.

It really isn't.

I honestly don't know how some people can get through a day, when I read MN.

The one thing being a parent teaches us, is that we have to step out of our comfort zones quite often.

saraclara · 03/11/2019 14:40

The left behind kids have bigger problems than being fed individually wrapped items of food, albeit perhaps not their first choice (calling it a “slops bin” is ridiculous hyperbole).

@HermioneWeasley I don't know where you get that the items were individually wrapped. The OP didn't give that impression at all.

Peanutbutterforever · 03/11/2019 14:41

I have sympathy for the party mum, tbh. It sounds as though people generally send their uninvited kids along to parties, which is utterly CF. If people have been v passive or PA about it and people KEEP sending uninvited kids, maybe she felt that she HAD to do something??

Hard to tell, without knowing the people involved.

EleanorReally · 03/11/2019 14:41

i cant believe people drop uninvited siblings off

recrudescence · 03/11/2019 14:43

it is vile and dehumanising to treat the uninvited kids like pigs

The trouble wit this sort of absurd hyperbole is where you go when something actually is vile and dehumanising.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 03/11/2019 14:47

You can be shocked if you like, OP, but once this story gets around the school no-one will ever try to dump and run an uninvited sibling again, and you and all of the other parents will benefit from the host mum’s audacity for years to come.

exLtEveDallas · 03/11/2019 14:48

I think that is absolutely hilarious and genius on the part of the host mum! I really wish I'd thought of that when DD was small.

The outrage on this thread is marvellous! A CF parent 'lost her shit' because her child who wasn't invited to a party was only given food that others didn't want? What the hell is wrong with that? If the child was hungry then there was food he/she could eat that the other invited children didn't want. If he wasn't hungry he didn't have to eat it.

The CF mum is a dickhead.

Ellie56 · 03/11/2019 14:51

My kids are grown up now, but we never had problems with uninvited siblings at any of their parties. Why is it such an issue now? More to the point why do host parents not intercept CF parents before they leave and say, "Sorry the party invite is only for X"?

Parents who dump siblings are beyond cheeky but the host mother in this instance did not exactly cover herself in glory either.

roboticmom · 03/11/2019 14:53

Most children around here seem to love the vomit and poo emojis the most. (I think it's horrible personally, but as a parent you get to choose to either go with it or discourage it). This hosts mum decided to go with it. Calling it a yuck bin was probably to appeal to her child's sense of humor- it's a birthday party after all, it's meant to be fun.

I think the host mum was super creative. I love the idea of collecting food that the children won't eat to bring home and eat later. She probably didn't plan for extra mouths to feed but was happy to have siblings. The siblings weren't turned away at the door, after all. It turned out there was food for them because the other children rejected some and she collected it.

The bullying behaviour of the CF parent is shocking. I feel sorry for the host mum.

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 14:54

My kids are grown up now, but we never had problems with uninvited siblings at any of their parties. Why is it such an issue now? More to the point why do host parents not intercept CF parents before they leave and say, "Sorry the party invite is only for X"?

My kids are grown up too and we never had a problem either.

I can only imagine it's because so many people tend to see basic human conversation, as 'confrontation'.

Big smile, firm voice - "Sorry, we're at capacity".

Job done.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 03/11/2019 14:56

To all the posters saying they "cant believe" people drop siblings off, it does happen a LOT and it's becoming much more common. It's deliberate and entitled behaviour.

The chief CFs favourite trick round here was to stay in the car, send siblings up to the door of the venue and then take off before a hosting parent has even had time to say hello. Although now they are known for it so neither of their kids are getting invited any more. Kids lose out. If you're a CF this is what will happen - your free childcare will dwindle away to nothing. Rightly so.

Soubriquet · 03/11/2019 14:57

I actually think it’s a bit of a genius idea.

The kids still got fed and the party mum was able to passively aggressively show the parents that unwanted children were a no go!

How rude can you be?

My dd got an invite last month and told me her younger brother was invited too as birthday girl told her. I thought this was odd so dropped a message to mum saying dd will be coming but I’ve been told ds is invited too and is this correct. Obviously in a bit more polite manner Grin

Birthday mum confirmed she was only catering for invited children and whilst ds was allowed onsite if I paid, she couldn’t cater for him.

This was fine! I wouldn’t dream of taking a child who wasn’t invited

PurplePattern · 03/11/2019 15:00

I think it's meanspirited and brilliant. No one is going to do this bullshit to her again.
Grin agree

GooseFeather · 03/11/2019 15:00

Maybe she already planned to do the bin thing to get the kids to dump their unwanted bits into, as clearing up at leisure centre parties can be a pain in the arse? Then, when confronted with a gaggle of uncatered for kids, she repurposed it at the last moment?

I think I would have just told them they had to share with their sibling so no one went without completely.

I am so glad we are past this phase. DS2 has several CF mums of friends who always brought siblings, always expected them to be fed and would then ask for party bags for them in the child's earshot, so I was the bad guy for saying no.

Loveisland19 · 03/11/2019 15:01

I have catered for loads of fussy children, and maybe she created that bin as a way to make sure no food was wasted, so kids could put the food in they weren’t going to eat. This would stop it all being dumped in the bin at the end of the party while tidying up and trying to get out of the venue on time, which is why it was playfully called a ‘yuck bin’.

Absolutely, she could have put a selection of the food on a plate (if there were any), but she maybe didn’t have the time while supervising all the invitees and sorting the cake etc.

I can’t believe people drop off uninvited kids (it’s never happened at a party I’ve been too/hosted) - that’s ridiculously irresponsible. What if something happened to them. For me, it’s all on the CF parents, and they should be bloody grateful the kids were fed. I bet they didn’t send them with an extra present to cover the extra child!

chocatoo · 03/11/2019 15:02

Good on party mum!

CallMeRachel · 03/11/2019 15:06

Yabu. The party parent probably didn't intend on having to feed these uninvited kids at all. What was she supposed to do??

A lesson for the rude and entitled. Don't take uninvited siblings to parties!!!!!

Your offspring are not anyone else's concern and their sibling is allowed time away from them with their own friends.

InsertFunnyUsername · 03/11/2019 15:06

It probably happens a lot to people who are afraid to say and stick to "no extra kids please". Still the CFs fault of course and anyone who has planned a party knows if an extra 10 kids turn up it can become a nightmare. CF pounce on peoples inability to say no.

user1480880826 · 03/11/2019 15:07

Everything about this is weird.

  1. The fact that you’re posting this even though your kids aren’t at the school and they/you weren’t at the party. Makes me very glad I don’t still live in a small village.
  1. That the organizer of the party supplied a bin for the kids to put food in that they didn’t want. Surely the normal thing is to tidy up the unwanted food after everyone has finished eating. Encouraging kids to bin food is very odd.
  1. Feeding uninvited kids from a bin.
  1. Dumping uninvited siblings at a party and expecting someone else to look after them for a few hours.

I can’t believe this stuff goes on.

CallMeRachel · 03/11/2019 15:08

it is vile and dehumanising to treat the uninvited kids like pigs

That's on the parent.

They were never a guest.

PepePig · 03/11/2019 15:13

It's not the children's fault but maybe the CF parents will learn now. They were still fed, though. I can't believe there's people so arrogant and grabby. It's utterly ridiculous that if you're arranging a party you either have to spend money you likely don't have on extra food for dumped off children, or have to literally tell people on the invite "other kids not welcome".

TooManyPaws · 03/11/2019 15:15

The bin was probably just a plastic box with "Yuck Bin 🤮" on a sticker rather than an actual bin.

emilybrontescorsett · 03/11/2019 15:19

So glad my kids are past this stage.
Yes Cfs do exist. I had parents do this when mine were little.
It's very rude to turn up to a party uninvited.
I kind of admire the mum in this situation for thinking of the Yuk Bin.

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