to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

🍿🍿🍿

Some fucker has put this in the Daily Mirror

Luckily Yuck Bin Mum will have no idea who to blame, since literally everybody is talking about here

It is also syndicated to the NZ Herald. It is going world wide.

www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=12282498

I am astounded that parents just think it is ok to drop off uninvited kids!! I am also astounded that anyone would think it was ok to label a bin yuck bin and ask children to take food from it. Honestly, what is the matter with people!!

Kids love this stuff. Toxic Waste.

They also love the bean boozeled jelly beans - some of the flavours include - vomit, ear wax, mouldy cheese, dog food and dead fish. 🤣

Could understand if she chucked a load of those in a clean box, with a yuck emoji on, then I might be outraged, cos those are vile.

Some fucker has put this in the Daily Mirror

I rather thought that might happen. . .

Lol I see no issue. I think it's pretty yuk turning up with uninvited children

When taking GD to a soft play area we saw a party in full swing. Someone had dropped a sibling off but not told the party mum. This was quite a young child. There was a big commotion when the child got hurt. Nobody knew who they were or who their invited sibling was. Staff asked if we knew the child, party mum didn't know the child was. Eventually the invited sibling was identified and the cf mum contacted. I think she got quite a telling off from the staff

@ffswhatnext - totally valid points.

The last 3 parties my DS was invited to were at soft play - on an industrial site. It was a 30 minutes walk. I dont drive. Parties were all 2 hours long. Pointless to leave really.
Our families live 1 hour drive away. My closest friend - also doesn't drive and works full time.
Sometimes I have NO other option.
My DS did not attended a party a few weeks ago bc of the problem with his siblings. Mother was upset that he didnt go bc of this and said i should have just brought them 🤷‍♀️

You should never punish a child for what their parents have done. The host should have refused siblings at the door like the adult she is and made it clear she can't/ won't accommodate siblings.
Last year ds1 was invited to a party and I asked if dh could bring ds2 and she said no. I wasn't going to take a day off from work so ds1 could attend her son party. So we didn't take ds1 to the party and told her the day after getting the invite. The host sulked for months afterwards as other people bailed on her to. It was sad, but I didn't do anything wrong and we both acted like adults (-sulking part).

They should write this into Motherland.

Ah that's good it's in the paper, as hopefully CF will see it and realise what people think of her behaviour.

And a stark warning to all cheeky fuckers.
You could be next.

I agree it’s rude to dump uninvited kids at a party but you don’t take it out on them it’s hardly their fault they’ve been dropped off. Even a recycling/swoop tray for food would of been better than a yuck bin!

To be fair, the mum was a cf to dump an uninvited child and run. If you’re going to do something so rude, then you can’t really complain. I can’t believe that someone would think that it was ok to do this in the first place.
She put her own child in a situation where they potentially may be left unfed or singled out. Who does that??
I feel sorry for the child for being dumped in the first place.

Parents of uninvited kids ABU. Host mum - I think that’s funny and my kids would’ve too.

No-one I know would ever be such a CF as to dump siblings at a party. Everyone either:

1. leaves siblings at home with OH, or
2. drops invited child and picks up later, or
3. lift shares, or
4. (last resort if on own and invited child cannot be left) takes siblings but plays with them away from the party unless specifically asked to join in. If at softplay, pays for them to go in. Does not expect food.

It’s just basic manners surely.

I'd have not fed them so she's a better woman than me!

greathat so what would you have done then? Just left them standing awkwardly on the sidelines while the other children were eating?

I couldn't treat ANY child like that

Good grief, this situation is now in the papers with an overblown, likely very inaccurate account of the host mum's intentions and no doubt has made the whole thing so much worse. Is this what the world has come to, in which every little thing we do, every small misstep is blathered about online until a storm of outrage is whipped up? And somehow CF mum comes out looking like the hapless victim and her child scarred for life. Overreaction much?

I for one find it very unlikely host mum intended the 'bin' for uninvited guests. It just would have been a fun way to collect unwanted food to avoid waste. My kids and their friends would have loved it - and isn't that who you create the party for? Unwanted, wrapped food (NOT half eaten scraps which is what is being reported) then got given to uninvited kids so that they at least had something. It's very easy to see how this could happen, how host mum didn't dream up an evil plan to humiliate children but instead tried to cater for unexpected extras on the fly, and lo and behold didn't take the tag off (like the children wouldn't have known it was the same container/wouldn't have already discussed the name - it was probably their idea!).

Honestly by that stage of parties it's complete bedlam so really, host mum shouldn't be blamed for NOT thinking through the zillions of things UNINVITED kids/adults could possibly be offended by and prioritising that over - say - sorting candles on the cake, gifts off the floor, Suzie over there is allergic to xyz so make sure she doesn't take anything extra from other kids boxes, getting games supplies / bags ready, are we running to time, Johnny's being picked up early so sorting his party bag etc. It's her child's birthday, for that child and their friends, not extras who the family may not even know.

Responsibility for the uninvited child's hurt feelings or spoilt behaviour (could be either) belongs to the CF parents. They chose to knowingly put their child in that situation and in all likelihood don't care about any consequences for their child unless it causes them inconvenience (ie upset child at pick up). Unfortunately those parents tend to blame others and they raise their children to do likewise.

All up - YABU in assuming the party mum did all this on purpose because her one mission in life is to make kids cry at her child's birthday party. YABVU to post in such a way that shows a very slanted view of something you weren't witness to and can't possibly know the intentions behind and the resultant publishing of that as 'fact' around the world.

She should have just said they they can't have any more guests because of the head count.
The worst cfery I saw at a party was the time at a Yr1 party at a home when one mother dropped off an older sibling at the gate, didn't even bring the children in to have the conversation. At lunchtime the party mother told the older (aged 9) sibling that there weren't enough chairs and that she was very sorryy, but the girl could have a slice of pizza.
At the end of the party there was a pinata, which came out just as the mother reappeared. As the pinata broke and all the 5 and 6 year olds scrabbled for the treats, the mother pushed her 9 year old forward and said, "Quick, grab what you can." Of course the 9 year old ended up with far more than any of the little ones, it was appalling. 5 years later and I got still can't bear to be around that mother. Her entitlement and the fact she was encouraging the same in her children gives the absolute rage.
There have been other incidents with this mother of her turning up with her child at parties he had heard about but not been invited to and standing at the door with him, or calling the host mother half an hour before the party and asking if her child come, as he heard another child discussing it and was really upset. What the shit is that all about?

Good for her I say. Can't imagine many kids minded as it was essentially an untouched leftovers box with a funny name (if you are a child). They think stinky yucky slimey are funny. The parents were very cheeky IMO and hope they've learned a lesson.

Also OP before you paint me as a heartless person who hates kids, I've accepted uninvited, unexpected siblings at parties twice. One ended up with my DD (the birthday girl) crying because she and her friends couldn't do the games she had carefully chosen and prepared because the extras were poorly controlled toddlers (ie parents did nothing to help restrain them from running through the middle of games, breaking stuff, or stealing turns/throwing tantrums when it wasn't their turn). The other party a younger sibling rocks up dressed for activity super excited, I just couldn't turn him down. Mum disappeared. This boy was hyperactive with poor boundaries and required constant monitoring - I didn't know this beforehand. Mum sure did though! It was the most stressful party I've ever hosted, I didn't even get to take a photo of DS with his cake, and several of my kids toys were broken by this boy. He was also huge and required assistance with the activity, which buggered my back.

So no, unless I know the extras or your family quite well and you ask beforehand, you stay and you HELP - no I will not take uninvited siblings, neighbours, cousins, child you're babysitting. They can go home with you or I will call social services.

I wasn't planning to "paint you" as anything at all, I couldn't give a monkeys about you

I think dumping uninvited children at parties is the height of poor manners, as I've said in my OP and several times since.

I think taking the frustration at those poor manners out on children by making them a focus of ridicule - eating from a "yuck bin" - is worse.

But see here's the issue - you're assuming that's what the host planned to do - take her frustration out on the kids on purpose. I think the much more likely explanation is that it was a choice on the fly to repurpose perfectly good unwanted food to cater for unexpected extras. It has had consequences she probably didn't intend and didn't anticipate. Who hasn't made a mistake before, especially under pressure? The overreaction and attributing of offensive or malicious intent here is ridiculous.

And OP I've seen your response to other posters who say no to uninvited/dumped extras asking them if they'd just have a kid sit on the sideline, because you could never do that to a child - the implication being you think anyone who doesn't graciously cater for any and all extras is a lesser parent or person than you. Having had 2 of my kids parties wrecked by extras I welcomed in - I'm sorry, here's a lollipop while we wait for your parents/social services/centre staff to come get you.