to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

[Daisydrum]

@FrancisCrawford you need to tell us what did happen with Amelia?

[Betterversionofme]

There is an age when word yuck is amongst the most freakvent. As is poo. About 3/4 years old at meal times use it. They must learn it from other kids as I never heard adults talking like that. It's like childhood 'language infectious disease'. I just used to say in as boring way I could 'we say ' I am not fond of/ keen on ...'' so as not to add to any excitement of using those words.
In all I see how 'yuck bin' could encourage children put food there rather than drop/leave it anywhere.
Frankly, it's genius idea.

[Shooturlocalmethdealer]

I cant get over the fact people actually leave siblings at a party not intended for them!

[FishCanFly]

i'm probably immature, but this is hilarious I guess the CFs won't do it again, as the next host would more likely try to outdo the green icon.

[meganxz]

I think it's rude to leave uninvited siblings full stop. It's tacky and looks beggish.

However I also wouldn't throw a party if I couldn't afford to cater for more food, but then again I come from a culture where we would serve a meal for 20, just for 1 guest. I just think it's embarrassing to only serve "just about the right food" for a party, and it's also tacky to make the uninvited kids feel shit.

I think everyone's being unreasonable but the party host is the one with the least class.

[mbosnz]

However I also wouldn't throw a party if I couldn't afford to cater for more food, but then again I come from a culture where we would serve a meal for 20, just for 1 guest. I just think it's embarrassing to only serve "just about the right food" for a party

Some people are a bit more concerned about food wastage as a priority.

[mbosnz]

Oh, and budget.

[dontalltalkatonce]

So if you can't afford to cater for pisstaking gatecrashers you tell your kid no party then, meg? Fuck that.

[stairway]

Wouldn’t it be good if we went back to the old days of really simple cheap birthday parties for a few friends. Birthday party spending is ridiculous. The mother was ridiculous but the birthday party culture is also ridiculous.

[noenergy]

I have never heard of siblings being dropped off to parties. I don't know who would have the brass neck to do this. Only on Mumsnet!!!

[ffswhatnext]

@snowball28 even with a class party it isn’t a free for all. You tell the parents to nicely fuck off. You don’t cater for them and just allow it to happen. I’ve thrown whole class parties. The one where a parent was chased was a whole class party.

It’s very simple. An invite is for the person named. Not person named and any other fucker who wants to come.

[phoenixrosehere]

but then again I come from a culture where we would serve a meal for 20, just for 1 guest.

That sounds extremely wasteful. What happens to the leftovers? How much is the one guest expected to eat? If they eat a dessert plate of food and say they’re done, is that considered offensive?

[snowball28]

No @ffswhatnext you don’t I do. Because I don’t have a problem with siblings turning up (hence the reason I write siblings welcome on invites after the first year) if you dislike it that’s your prerogative. Neither of us are wrong though are we?

[snowball28]

@FrancisCrawford

You definitely didn’t.

[ffswhatnext]

I’d argue there’s a big difference in siblings turning up and a child that deliberately bullying the birthday boy/girl

It’s not always just siblings that turn up. Cousins, neighbours kids etc.

There is no difference. They weren’t invited and shouldn’t be taken to a party with the intention of leaving them there.

If your other children cannot bear the thought of sibling going and them staying, parent your children and teach them this is life. The world doesn’t revolve around them.

Don’t ask if siblings can come. They cannot. They aren’t named so deal with your uninvited yourself. Don’t involve the host because it’s not their problem.

[Aaarrgghhh]

Oh my goodness. The people just abandoning their kids and running are in the wrong but ffs, why make a kid feel so humiliated like that. That’s awful, I’m sorry but I’m more pissed at her reaction than the kids being left.

[ffswhatnext]

However I also wouldn't throw a party if I couldn't afford to cater for more food

Meanwhile back on planet earth.
People have parties based on their circumstances.
I invite 20 I cater to that number.
I don’t think shit I need to cater for 30 to feed those not invited. If they get through tough shit, you shouldn’t be here. You can watch and have water. You are nothing to do with me.
If uninvited is hungry, how is that the hosts problem? Whoever left uninvited should have thought about it beforehand. I feed people I want to. Not any fucker who makes an appearance. It’s how the majority do it. The ones that allow and make concessions more fool you for being such a push over.
Queen bee or whoever doesn’t like you then. Win win. I pissed off the queen bee in the first half term. My kids haven’t suffered as a result over the past 20 odd years.

[ffswhatnext]

@snowball28
You said though throw a class party and siblings should be accepted anyway. To show you don’t mind you mention siblings.
And if you don’t mind then what’s the relevance. The host didn’t want them.
It’s great you thought sod it they are going to come anyway so might as well invite them. Afterall you host a class party and expect it to happen

[Cocoschaos]

Simple solution: Don't accept the ones who you didn't invite. Just say no. As for not realising they are in your house, well then have them come in one at a time, and don't allow them to all pile into the party room/house. It's nuts to have a load of kids there and not even know who's even there alrogether. There's absolutely no need. Don't facilitate CF behaviour in the first place. Sorted. Tbh i wouldn't give a crap about upsetting a queen bee either!

[TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner]

I don't know if YANBU or YABU to be honest OP.
I know that I am definitely BU for loving the style of this mother. It really made me laugh
It's a pity for the kids, but it'll teach those dreadful CF parents for next time.
If she were my friend in RL I'd high 5 her

[snowball28]

@ffswhatnext

Why are you so angry? Also please re-read my posts you’ve made many errors in recounting them.

[MummyMayo1988]

We have this problem at our school also.
I totally get that siblings are not automatically invited to a party but my DP doesn't get home in the evenings till 8pm. Which means that any parties that fall in a week day; I have no choice but to bring them all. However; I would NOT let the siblings sit at the party table or eat food/cake supplied by birthday child's mother/carer. I would bring my own snacks and we'd sit together.
In the past; birthday child's parent has come up to me and given me a slice of cake for siblings. I've always said; "oh you didnt need to do that. Have you got plenty? Ect". Theyve always said yes!
It is cheeky to just dump siblings at the party tho! If the party was in a weekend (while DP is home) I'd just take the invited child and leave the others at home.
Some mums just expect too much IMO! Doesn't hurt to just txt/call and explain that you have NO choice to bring siblings 🤷‍♀️