to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

[meganxz]

@mbosnz @phoenixrosehere we would use it as left overs for lunch etc next day dinner. It's just our thing...

[ffswhatnext]

@snowball28
I am not angry. Why would I be?

I think it’s par for the course that at some point as a parent if you do big all class parties then yes siblings will be brought along too, it is however annoying and inconsiderate. I’ve learnt over the years to over cater and write siblings welcome on the invit
Because I don’t have a problem with siblings turning up (hence the reason I write siblings welcome on invites after the first year) if you dislike it that’s your prerogative. Neither of us are wrong though are we

I am not sure what part of the above I am re-counting.

You say it's par for the course that siblings will be brought along. You even say it's annoying. But you do it because you don't have a problem. It cannot be both.
It's not par for the course. It shouldn't be an expectation. You shouldn't feel obligated because it will happen regardless.

[ffswhatnext]

@MummyMayo1988
Why do you all have to wait at the venue though? When there are other alternatives.
Many people find themselves in the same situation and look at alternative arrangements.
Take the other children out to the park or something. If it's raining, suitable clothing and jump in puddles. Feed the ducks. Go home. Get their hair done. Whatever.
Talk to other parents about shared drop off/pick ups.

Those were two of my main go to's. And occasionally, sorry kid you cannot go.

[ffswhatnext]

@MummyMayo1988
Why do you all have to wait at the venue though? When there are other alternatives.
Many people find themselves in the same situation and look at alternative arrangements.
Take the other children out to the park or something. If it's raining, suitable clothing and jump in puddles. Feed the ducks. Go home. Get their hair done. Whatever.
Talk to other parents about shared drop off/pick ups.

Those were two of my main go to's. And occasionally, sorry kid you cannot go.

[SuperMumTum]

I'm a single parent so I often take an uninvited sibling to sit on the sidelines. No way on earth would I leave an uninvited sibling there or expect them to be fed anything. That is beyond rude.

[SmileyGiraffe]

If the verminous cretin doesn't want to parent her child, she shouldn't have had it.

[snowball28]

@ffswhatnext

You are clearly very angry I am not agreeing with you or coming round to your way of thinking, but why would I?

You say you aren’t sure which part you are recounting well as you bolded and quoted the whole thing then I’d say you’re recounting everything, not sure what part of that could possibly be of any confusion.

Why can’t it be both? Who says? Just because you don’t feel someone else can find something annoying but accept it will happen regardless so take steps to mitigate this doesn’t mean it isn’t true just because you don’t agree with my thought processes, that is astonishingly arrogant of you.

I do firmly feel based on my experience that it’s inevitable being a mum of young school age children that of I host an all class party especially one on the holidays when my child’s birthday is that it is the logical outcome that other siblings may have to be brought along, whilst I find this frustrating I’ve learnt the best way to deal with this is to embrace it and make sure I’ve catered and planned for more.

I choose to do this as I’m a smart responsible parent that understands there is a fair few single parents and SAHM that don’t have childcare available for a party especially one at the weekend or in the school holidays for other children.

To clarify I do not feel obligated I do this because I want to and because sticking a few extra crisps and sandwiches out isn’t that big of a deal to me, I do this so my sons party can go ahead smoothly.

Just because you don’t agree with my way of thinking or handling things doesn’t mean I am wrong and you are right. We are two separate people of course we will feel vastly different and have vastly different levels of tolerance for certain issues. This is one of the issues I don’t feel so strongly about whereas clearly it’s the end of the world to you.

The I am right and everyone else is wrong until they agree with me mentality is wearing and juvenile, so o see any conversation with you will go absolutely nowhere except round in circles.

[C8H10N4O2]

I choose to do this as I’m a smart responsible parent that understands there is a fair few single parents and SAHM that don’t have childcare available for a party especially one at the weekend or in the school holidays for other children

I think you misspelt "smug" and "self righteous".

I firmly feel based on my experience of raising several DC to adulthood, two of whom had Summer holiday birthdays, that its absolute
bollocks to say that siblings and random hangers on simply have to be accommodated.

There were plenty of single parents, working parents and cared for children amongst my kids' friends and none of their parents or carers ever assumed they could dump random siblings whilst they went elsewhere.

[snowball28]

I think you misspelt ‘smug’ and ‘self righteous’

Nope I definitely didn’t. I am absolutely neither of those things, I firmly believe that instead of getting up in arms and being unnecessarily angry over siblings being brought along to a party I’ve hosted for my sons birthday (which is what happened the first two years he was at school) instead after having spoken to friends with older children at the school who told me this kind of stuff happens a lot.

I could choose to be annoyed with it or to just roll with it, what’s smug and self righteous about using my common sense to realise it’s going to happen whether I say don’t bring them or not - which FYI I did the second year and out of 33 people 12 turned up due to childcare for younger siblings. I lost a lot of money that year and my son didn’t enjoy his party.

It’s no skin of my nose to say siblings welcome and pop some extra food out, everyone always has a great time and things run smoothly.

Please can you explain why I’m being smug and self righteous?

As far as I can tell it because you and others don’t agree with the way I’ve chosen to handle this issue. Well so what? I don’t agree with others going off the deep end swearing all over the shop about small children and treating them badly due to the decision their parent made, what works for me won’t work for others this does not make me or other wrong just different with different ways of dealing with things.

You need to calm down, no need for name calling 🙄

[snowball28]

I firmly feel based on my experience of raising several DC to adulthood, two of whom had Summer holiday birthdays, that its absolute bollocks to say that siblings and random hangers on simply have to be accommodated.

I didn’t say they had to be rather that I choose to. There’s a difference, this works for me.

[eddiemairswife]

I don't understand why the mothers and siblings can't go home having dropped the invited child off, or find something else to do while the party is in progress.

[cannockcandy]

Last year my son had a party at the leisure centre. One of the kids came, with her uninvited sister, the mum told me, not asked, that she was leaving her kids and going to the gym. The kicker to it was that she didn't even bring a gift! I was pissed but didn't make a scene but, because of the mums behaviour, it's made me reticent to invite the original child again.

[RowenaMud]

It’s no skin of my nose to say siblings welcome and pop some extra food out, everyone always has a great time

But that is your opinion and your budget. Is it really so difficult to imagine that other people cannot cater for additional children. At the last birthday I hosted, we asked 25 children. At £12 a head that is £300. I’m already spending more than id like to spend to endure nobody in the class is excluded. I certainly do not want to spend an additional amount for children my child doesn’t even know! Why should I do that to make up for their own parent’s appalling ignorance?

[RowenaMud]

I choose to do this as I’m a smart responsible parent

This made me smile. You are not smart because you welcome uninvited children. Do you also think it’s ok to bring children to a wedding that stipulates now children. It’s the same mindset.

[RowenaMud]

• no

[snowball28]

None of this is a reason for anyone to bring an uninvited child to a party

I agree, however it sometimes happens all I spoke about was my way of dealing with it. I genuinely can’t understand what the issue is with me choosing to say ‘oh fuck it bring them all* which is essentially what I did.

You can drop off invited child and go elsewhere with other one

Of course you can I’ve done this loads with my eldest and taken my younger two out for a few hours. Some parents prefer to stay, I’ve no issue with either.

Or if children are under 5 the “fair few” single parents and SAHMs (who don’t appear to have a partner in your neck of the woods) could get together so that some stayed while the others went off elsewhere with all the other children

Maybe you could suggest this to them? I won’t as I don’t have an issue with them bringing their other kids if it helps out without childcare issues. FYI off the top of my head the ‘fair few’ is 4 single mums, a single dad who has sole custody, 3 night workers, and one lady whose husband works offshore I think not really sure but he’s never around. And lots of the parents me included work awkward shift patterns to avoid paying for childcare we can’t afford.

Lots of us have partners but thanks for your concern.

[snowball28]

@ffswhatnext

You need to seriously calm down.

I see nothing will come of any further conversation with you, there is no need to be such a thoroughly hideous human being.

Grow up.

[snowball28]

Please don’t mention my son @ffswhatnext he’s invited to all his friends parties not that it’s any of your concern. Leave off now.

[ffswhatnext]

I mentioned your son as I am honestly wondering how you can type that everything is fine, everything goes smoothly, and mention at the same time he didn't enjoy one of these parties.

The second time because it's a reasonable assumption that people who attend your parties are having their own, and he isn't invited. Neither of you know everyone that attends. Plus a lot of children prefer smaller parties with who they consider their mates.

I really don't understand why you are so concerned about my assumed anger.

I am not angry. I am confused. I want to ask further questions for clarification. It's a usual part of a conversation is it not? To pose questions, and to also respond to others.
If I am incorrect and completely misunderstand the basics of a conversation, then surely this also implies you are angry. No?

[Bbang]

Didn’t she say her kid didn’t enjoy the party that people couldn’t attend due to childcare for siblings? I wouldn’t enjoy a party no one turned up to either 😂

Anyway that’s by the by. Stop being cunty and derailing the whole thread ffs.

[snowball28]

@RowenaMud

When did I say what I choose to do was what everyone else should do? I didn’t did I?

I do think it’s cheeky and I don’t think it should happen but it does as evidenced by this thread.

I don’t find it as a big an issue as other so clearly, I choose to deal with it by just issuing a blanket invite what’s wrong with that.

I’m not sure why you’re speaking like I’ve said it’s an okay thing to do all I’ve mention to the OP is how I dealt with it.

You may think my decision wasn’t smart but it was smart to me, I have severe social anxiety and writing on the invite to bring siblings gives me some form of control over things and makes me feel better. To me and my mental health that is a smart decision.

And they aren’t uninvited children if I explicitly invited them are they? As it stands I know all their names and not only does my son play with them and enjoy their company but I built a solid circle of friends with the parents. These kids are not strangers to me I don’t understand what the big deal is here. This is absurd.

I am not seeking anyone’s agreement here so why the horrific pile on? This side of mumsnet is awful.

[snowball28]

Why should I do that to make up for their own parent’s appalling ignorance?

I didn’t say you should!!! I’ve not told anyone to do fucking anything have I? All I’ve done is mention how I handled this when I came up against it. You’re reading stuff that simply isn’t there.