to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

Uninvited kids lucky to get anything or be cared for at all!!! A relative at mine worked at an Early Learning centre and they regularly had to call the police to remove children left to play in the shop while parents shopped. Tbh, I might well have called someone to take the uninvited siblings away, so I think they got a good deal. I def would not have looked after them. I have had a guest at a joint party only bring one present, the Mum stayed and drank my wine too. Bloody cheek as it was my child who didn't get a present from her

If the "yuck bin" was done in a humorous way then the kids pribabky thoughts it was funny eating stuff that came out of a bin. If not, then wouldn't it depend on how the food was packaged ie all individually wrapoed items. Think the host parent was just pissed off having to cope with uninvited children and parents having the cheek to dump them at a party. Very difficult to really judge not knowing how things were done.

At £15 per head for a soft play party around here, I would not be welcoming random extra children. Let alone preparing extra food in case I was expected to feed them as well as entertain them.

Isn’t MN always talking about enablers? And thus letting CFs drop uninvited children and not saying anything, is therefore enabling this behaviour?
Perhaps the party mum should have put the food on plates, but as anyone whose hosted a party knows, its chaos! Always running around! It was probably the first thing that came to mind! And did the other parents at the party help? Nope. They thought it better to judge the party mum and gossip about it.
Then CF mum turns up and upsets the birthday girl - this mum would be banned for life from any party ever again!
And she was angry because her uninvited child got to enjoy a party and was fed. But it happened to be from a big container (where all the food was wrapped) rather than individually. Because party mum had spent hours preparing individual boxes for the invited guests.
Parents actions due have consequences for their children.
All these ‘she couldn’t bare to miss out’ - life lesson for you, sometimes you have to miss out. My children are aware of this.
I had four siblings at a recent party. Three of them the parents asked if they could come, of course no problem! The fourth just turned up. Why couldn’t the fourth have added to their text about the sibling? Unfortunately they won’t be invited again.

All the parents at the party behaved badly from the sound of it. Including OP’s friend.
CF Mum however takes home first place.

Absolutely grim. "You ate the food out of a bin." No bullying material there.

Am I the only one who has giggled for the last ten minutes at the yuck bin?
I’ve been quietly laughing to myself.
So mean of me but I can’t help it.
The yuck bin .... genius

It shouldn't need stating on invites that no siblings are invited. The invite regardless of the occasion is for the named person.

No-one should be bringing extras, popping anywhere or deliberately taking stuff from those invited, to feed to uninvited. Of course, they are going to do it again and again. Who wouldn't, a couple of free hours and the kids are fed and entertained for a cheap gift. Win-win.

She could be fed up with cfers doing this, has mentioned it them previously and now sent a clear message. Don't do it. Something clearly drove her to this point, otherwise, she wouldn't have been so prepared. Why would she?

Refusing them at the door. They come in to drop the party child off, you turn your back for 2 seconds to talk to said child. The adult is nowhere to be seen. You call and text and no response. I have sent texts saying if I don't hear back within 5 minutes I will contact the police because of concerns about their safety. Amazing how quickly that gets a response. Then you just have to mention police to get them to pick up their child. By which time its taken a lot of time, especially if you have more than one cheeky fucker to deal with. That is of course if there suddenly isn;t an 'emergency' or worse they leave no details when they legged it. And often they are like swarms, have even witnessed none sibling children getting left.

I had it happen once. Like fuck did I feed the gatecrashers, my childs party wasn't being disrupted whilst someone went off somewhere. They had unlimited supply of water. Yes, one parent did complain that little Timmy wasn't fed, told them straight because little Timmy wasn't invited. I don't reward gatecrashers regardless of their age. But Timmy wanted to come whined parent. And that's my problem because?

I cater to my children's friends, not anybody who might possibly attend. But then I have a budget that I have to stick to.
Stopped it by meeting outside. The helpers knowing exactly who was and wasn't coming. Making the parents sign the invited one in and giving the invited one something special to make them stick out. We also kept an eye out for potential cheeky fuckers, and there is always one, someone got chased down the road and shouted at to come and get their kid, with the said kid.

And if my children came home from a party moaning about what they were given I would tell them to basically not be so ungrateful. And I wouldn't mention it to the host unless really inappropriate. If someone feeds my child, I am grateful. Not like she made them eat from a trough. She put wrapped food in a clean bin.

I'm gobsmacked at about 90% of the posters here. If parents are obnoxious enough to bring uninvited kids to a party, tough shit - if you care enough about their well-being, why would you dump them at a part they aren't invited to? And why the hell should the person organising the party be expected to vet people at the door, or 'grow a pair' by telling people not to allow their uninvited kids in? Wtaf. YABVU OP by thinking the host was in any way out of line - it's her kids party, her kid's guests and anyone abandoning their uninvited kids there is irresponsible and negligent. If they might have got upset that's their parents' fault, not the responsibility of the host.

I wonder if the unwanted food bin was something she planned at the start of the party, intending it to be just so the children could discard food without being wasteful. The emoji may have been a humorous attempt. Then realising she had the extra uninvited guests gave it to them as she had no other food to offer, so hadn't planned on it being for them, simply to allow the unwanted food not going to waste. That would be a more understandable scenario.

I really don't get why parents would drop off siblings like that to a party they are not invited to. They should have at least asked in advance if they could attend, its so cheeky

if that is the way the parent behaved i'd hate to see what her kids are like . shocking behaviour from adults thinking it was funny to humiliate the uninvited kids who took food from the ""Yuk //Vomit " bucket.

I agree motherofgod

motherogod CFs exist everywhere and kids parties are one of the classic situations. I used to lead a kids club where people would turn up with extra kids in tow, trying their luck, just for parties, and as I had no extra provision and not enough adults to supervise extra children I had to grow a big pair of my own pretty quickly, and tell them sorry but NO. It's their party, their rules. The host can say no to extra uninvited children and that is completely reasonable. Why would anyone prefer to let all the extra unvited children in, and then struggle? That makes no sense and there's absolutely no need. It makes their life harder and in this case caused scenes at the end which by the sounds of it left the birthday child upset.

Cake? Why should the uninvited get cake? If they somewhere else like they should have been, then they wouldn't feel left out.

it is vile and dehumanising to treat the uninvited kids like pigs
If you don't want your child treated like this, don't dump them on people uninvited. And not exactly like they were treated as pigs.

Any parent with a decent heart would have brought a few extra boxes along to allow for this, and if not eaten I'm sure they would make use of the leftovers
Any decent parent wouldn't drop off uninvited children. And why should I have to spend my cash on this just to allow you to do it again and again?

The woman wants the contents of her "yuck bin" tipping over head!! Cheeky fuckers need to be made aware of their appalling behaviour. It;s them that deserve something tipping over their heads.

It might not be nice for the uninvited to feel excluded but their parent should have thought about it before deciding to leave their child.

This actually happened to us today- a couple of MUCH older siblings were brought along. We’d catered individually- I felt awkward. ‘Luckily’ we had a no-show so were able to accommodate them. You should have taken the same stance you would have taken if everyone had shown up.

The uninvited child is missing out on the fun. How? Does that child not also go to their own mate's parties? Have the invites suddenly dropped because parents have realised they are cf'ers.

Why can’t people just have to good sense to accept that British culture is weird about hosting and not bring children who haven’t been explicitly invited on the assumption that it means they weren’t invited?
What's weird about not wanting to entertain people you haven't invited? If I have a party tonight, I don't expect random people to walk in, and they can fuck off if they think they are being fed etc. Half the time the birthday child doesn't even really know if at all, these extras.

Seems to me the main problem is the term bin. Not sure why as probably loads of us have breadbins at home. It's not for dirty, mouldy bread is it? It's for usable bread to be put.

That mother was OUT OF BLINKIN’ ORDER !
The mum was a cheeky git but the kids didn’t deserve to be degraded and humiliated like that. How - what !?! YUCK BIN !?!

Can't see what all the fuss is about. The food in the bucket is untouched so perfectly fine to eat. Kids are quite capable of eating less for a meal they won't starve! The parents hopefully have learnt not to be rude and take the piss for dumping a sibling. Everything these days is blown out of proportion.

Sorry I'm reading and posting
We had to bring in the garden table for extra seating for the tea. I told anyone who brought extra kids that they had to stay and help.
You didn't have to do anything. You could have told them to leave. And were you really surprised they disappeared?
And still waiting two hours after the party ended, and not answering. More fool you for not contacting someone about the abandoned children a lot earlier. You enabled it.

But taking your frustrations out on children and being passive-aggressive isn't the best response, is it? And sometimes cheeky fuckers force you to take drastic action. And this one has a form for it and others are fed up. They should be thanking the mum for doing something they were incapable of doing. She sent a clear message, unlike the rest of them I am not a doormat. Dump your kids on me and they will be served any leftovers I might have.

And the pathetic parents who take all the children away when they don't get their way. The invited one misses out because of the cfer. All because they are then trying to guilt-trip you into taking them all. Nope. Bye. See ya.

As I said before though, I am surprised at the number of posters who think the host mum is a legend or ballsy for taking her frustration out on kids. How did she take the frustration out on the kids? She fed and entertained them even though they weren't invited. She could have easily not fed them and made them all sit and watch.

I think that’s pretty horrible. It’s rude to leave uninvited siblings and I can’t get my head round parents doing that, but it’s not the kids faults. I’d just try to include them as much as I could. Awesome, when ks the next party? Could do with a coupe of hours rest.

‘emotional abuse 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 And cheeky fucker should have considered the emotional well-being of her child. Not the hosts problem.

You are NOT named you aren't invited. Why is this so hard for people to understand? Do you also all rock up everywhere together for any other invite? Don't.

I’m a single mum of two and it can be awkward when one is invited and I’ve nobody to leave the other one with. I always ask if the second one can come, As a single mum I faced this dilemma. The child not invited and I've explained in terms they understand tough. They will have their own to go to. It also puts some parents under pressure to take them, because they feel guilty. It puts them in an awkward situation that could be avoided by you taking the uninvited one elsewhere.

One school mum was notorious for turning up with the siblings and leaving them. So we all made sure to have extra.. Well duh, of course, she kept doing it. You were all facilitating it. When the next one? You lot clearly don't mind either randoms taking the piss.

This is totally humiliating for the uninvited children. They didn't decide to be there, it was their mothers decision.
So the hosting Mum, instead of having the guts to talk to the adults decided to humiliate children who really had no chance to speak for themselves. Great. Erm cheeky fucker mum has a form for this. Someone has to take a stance right? Host probably had mentioned it before.

if its done in a small community and everyone does it, then you just fit in or leave ....... its a kind of nice community thing to do isnt it? "Yeh of course Jimmy can come in, we can share, like a party is...... what about that? Why not that? Why not set a decent example to your kids. Great if that's what you agreed on. A party is often restricted in terms of money. Not everyone can afford these bring whoever you want events. By making it the norm, it makes it hard for those who don't want to or cannot to bow out. And small communities in my experience can be the worse for shutting people out over minor things like this.

Rather than banter behind the persons back, at least have the balls to tell the person. Rather childish and pathetic to laugh behind peoples backs. You either want everyone one to stay and join in or you don't. Not nice to snigger behind the backs of those who take up an open offer. But yea just shows how fabulous small communities are.

I'm going to assume that the child's birthday party was more than just eating food - so that means that party mum has INCLUDED UNINVITED GUEST (ie someone who is not an actual friend of birthday child) for ALL PARTY FUN & GAMES . The uninvited child was then fed fresh food, albeit invited guests unwanted food.
& then the CF drop & run mum has the gaul to complain, seriously?
I wonder if her invited child said thank you to the birthday child & party mum for inviting them 🤔.
& then people say this is humiliating, etc. etc., is it any wonder there's so many snowflakes!

I wouldn't be going out of my way to feed uninvited kids who had been dumped at my child's party

Some of the responses on this thread show why CFs get away with it

@Whattodoabout LMAO at your stupidity...... not sure if you are aware of how an invitation works.. let me explain it to you

Dear 'suchNsuch'

You are invited to Freddy's 5th birthday

..........simple, invited people are named on the invitation, uninvited people are not...........not sure what you missed there?

It's been a while since my 2 dc had this kind of party, but I vaguely remember waiver forms having to be signed. So these extras would not have been covered by insurance, I assume, and, if they had found out, I'm sure the Leisure Centre would have been pretty upset too. There is no way I would take that risk. I would have been very put out at the cheekiness. I am afraid I would have phoned the parents to let them know their uninvited children were in Reception waiting to be collected.

The host mum's reaction was OTT but I have to say, I really admire her balls! She really was letting these parents know that she was mightily PISSED OFF. A note in the party invitation mentioning no extra drop-offs would have been a better way to go. It may have been hurtful for the siblings, but I doubt there's lasting psychological damage! The scene upsetting the birthday child was the fault of the cf mum and not the host mum.

This must be a recent "thing" as, in all the years of hosting dc's parties, this never happened to us. The few times that siblings stayed to take part in the activity, their parent (the dad) stayed with them (and paid for them) and they did not take part in the party itself. Quite a few polite parents with no extras (mums) actually offered to stay and help, which we refused, but on two occasions the mums insisted and did stay.

Surely the invitation is enough, and no additional note needed.
Dear James
Come to Sally birthday
5th November
etc

Am I confused about how invitations work? The above is for James, not James and whoever wants to tag along.
So why does anything additional have to be written?

Oi ya cheeky fucker, keep your other kids with you. They aren't invited. My child don't even know James siblings. So not interested in providing free childcare for you. Find another mug.

Would that be enough to include in invites, along with the written invite?

@Deathstare - bet the mum went a bit pale when you told her what your job was! But good point about not calling out the emergency team, especially if you work with them.

That was an excellent solution by host mom. Food doesn't get wasted and the children don't go hungry either. Maybe now parents would think twice about dropping off uninvited siblings.

I think the fact it was a bin with a vomiting emoji was bad - but the idea of getting any unwanted food in advance to feed the extra guests was a good idea - just done badly. Maybe a better idea would be to just have a pretty bowl.
It would have been better just to say to the mum who brought extra children - I'm sorry but I can't afford to feed these extra children so you'll have to buy their lunch.

I definitely would have said that as if I managed to throw a party for my children I would have to save for a long time and simply wouldn t have any extra money for uninvited guests.